Yeah, I get the part about being on both sides of the fence, even though I'm only a non-transitioning nonbinary partial transmale.
Even when I thought I was a normal cisfemale, no male could even secretly ogle me without my instinctively sensing it and whirling to give the male an "evil eye" such as a cismale would do if another male looked him over. The poor, confused males would hastily avert their eyes.
It took my becoming aware of my partial transmale status to realize that this behavior is NOT normal for cisfemales, who often are actually flattered by the attention. I finally noticed that I'm gender fluid, and was constantly switching between the two gender modes during the day.
I found that taking a local Thai herb, derris scandens, blended my genders and if I took a lot of capsules I would lean toward my female side. Suddenly males, whom I never noticed, began to look cute, and women became just normal people.
When men ogled me, instead of whirling to glare, I'd smile, and suddenly my wide stance stride collapsed, and I slowed down. Without my trying to do so, my hips would actually sway when I walked.
But in the late afternoon as the herb began to wear off, I'd be walking down the street and suddenly all the women, who were simply "people" before, would become the most beautiful, cunning creatures on earth, and I'd find myself desperately trying to get second looks by using motorbike mirrors, staying partially hidden, etc. The women were NEVER fooled.
Even from blocks away, they'd whirl to meet my eyes, but being Thai, so probably bisexual, they'd mentally calculate my usefulness to them..hmmm. Americans can marry same sex people and get them green cards, and besides, foreigners of both genders have money, so even though a small percentage would stick their noses in the air and stalk off, more often the women who found themselves being admired would put on a show for me, leaning over their motorbikes to retrieve packages to give me good look at their stunning bodies, while glancing coyly in my direction.
Weirdly, if the derris scandens affects wore off at work, female teachers all around me in the teacher's lounge, who had previously been minding their own business would suddenly sit up straight to push out their bosoms, cross their legs to let their skirts hike, and start glancing at me and giggling, finding excuses to sit near me.
It's weird that people are all psychic like that. The change was instantaneous. If it went the other way and I took derris scandens at work, the same Thai women teachers would suddenly lose interest in me and return to normal behavior. It's all subconscious, apparently.
I now take two capsules a day which keeps me in a sort of androgynous state all the time. I don't react now to either gender.
I'm asexual anyway, but panromantic, being attracted to both genders under different circumstances, but without any sexual imaginings.
