Tim's introduction

[per_aspera_ad_nihil]

Hi! My name is Timofej but my friends call me Tim. My pronouns are he/him.
I completely realized I was trans at the age of 19 (now I'm 20).
I had some clues before, but I tried to fight to keep my cisgender identity. At the age of about 13 I saw a transphobic talk show with a non-binary teenager protagonist. Everyone was like "it's a sin!", "you should be a girl if you were female assigned at birth!", "she's disguisting and/or confused, she needs a psychiatrist!". I was very afraid.
In May 2016 I realized I can't hide and fight it anymore. My first thing to change was my pronouns.
It was hard. My native language is Russian, our past tense verbs, adjectives and some pronouns have three gender forms so I have to gender myself hundreds times per day! The first person who noticed was my genderfluid friend. I remember his exact words: "*Oh *my_old_name* is fluid today!". I told him I was neither male nor female, I thought so on that point because I thought a boy can't be as kind and sensitive as I was. For some time i was talking with all three gender forms (the neutral form is considered weird for humans it's like it in English, not like they), I even saw a trans man who humiliated a non-binary person who used the neutral form) but then I came to the masculine one and realized I was a trans boy regardless of gender stereotypes.
Finally I accepted myself in August 2016 when I was in Montenegro. I was in completely different country without anyone I knew but my parens, so I could just stop or think everything out.
In March 2017 I started socially transitioning. I cut my hair, got a binder and a bunch of men's clothes so I was able to pass. I got threatened by my groupmates, they reported my "inappropriate behaviour", they misgendered me and shouted at me "You will never be a man", told me it's a mental disorder, called me "it" but I'm still happy because I can finally be myself.
A month or so ago I came out to my grandma. She doesn't try to beat me up or kill me for being trans (so I'm glad) but she misgenders me and dpoesn't think it's a problem.
I have to wait 2 years more before I can move to Moscow and start medically transitioning. There aren't any doctors who work with trans people in my city. This time seems to be eternity due to severe dysphoria...

[BeautifulRedPanda]

Hello Tim! Welcome to Susan's place.

[Kendra]

Hi Tim, and welcome!

Wow you have quite a background and are so perceptive.  I'm glad you now realize that type of television talk show is ridiculous and destructive, but at an earlier age it can make quite an impression.  I don't see much difference between that type of show and ancient Colosseum events where crowds cheered when a person was torn to pieces.  I believe we will succeed in driving society to move beyond that mindset, but it will require time and effort.

Language can have a very deep impact on human interaction.  I have heard the phrase "language is culture" and have seen the structural differences in a couple non-English languages I learned (Japanese and bit of French).  Languages change over time but not very quickly.  I think the way gender identity is expressed through language will become easier in the future as languages and culture adapts to a better world.  But for now it's a challenge, and sounds like more of a challenge in your native language. 

You should be very proud of an achievement many people don't reach that in their entire lifetime.  You have accepted yourself and began expressing your true self.  Some of this is very difficult - I know this from my own experience.  It does get easier when you can discover what has worked for others here, learn from the experiences of others.  And I believe others will learn from you. 

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Tim, I wish you the best success and really look forward to seeing you around the forums here. 

Kendra

[V M]

Hi Tim 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Charlotte F]

Hi Tim

Welcome to Susan's!

I'm sorry things haven't been as smooth as you might have hoped so far but it sounds like you're focussed on the future and hopefully that move to Moscow will roll around sooner than you think.  You cerainly seem to have made some very positive moves - things I wish I had done 20 years earlier that's for sure and I'm sure things will get easier with your friends and family as you progress

Good luck and I look forward to hearing more updates

Charlotte x

[Laurie]

Hi Tim,

Welcome to Susan's Place. I'm Laurie MtF (hug) Do come in and feel at home here. You been through a lot of unfair uninformed discrimination and it is a wonder that you have  arrived at the decision you have made. It must really have been hard for you and I applaud you for sticking to your feelings and beliefs. I hope your long wait goes by quickly and you are able to continue on your path to who you know you are.

  Hugs,
   Laurie