The first few months are the worse, especially for an SO. After all, you spent about an entire lifetime barely getting a handle on being trans. In comparison, she has had mere seconds. The fact that you two are talking, she has not "Shut Down" and even went to a therapy session is all awesome. She is TRYING to process having the T-Bomb dropped on her.
My wife knew from about day 1 some 30 years earlier in the relationship I had "Gender Issues". She was OK with me being "Just a CD" after my utter fail transition experiments. Even with my thick head, at 6ft tall, big boned, balding fast, and deeper then average voice me came to realize in a world filled with 5'6" tall women I stood no chance whatsoever of any acceptance in that era of history. When I dropped the T-Bomb on her it was a major level of escalation. My life was already in the toilet. Our shared life was as well. I had been to 3 TG support group meetings and knew absolutely by the time I left it was almost too late to tell her what was happening. We did a LOT of talking in the weeks afterwards with my answers often being "I Dunno" even I was having a hard time processing all that was happening.
Intense emotions can't help to bubble up during these oft times difficult to have discussions. The SO for sure didn't sign up for this crap but is along, for now, for the ride. There are major feelings of betrayal. "If I only knew way back when..." etc.. With "I dunno" as answers, brains exploding, or emotions making their way past the normal "Filters" you will get discussions ending in silence, or arguments. Par for the course I think.
If the situation was avoidance and No Discussions, I would advise start shopping for a divorce lawyer and shielding what assets you can before she grabs them.
Now, some 8 years later my wife and I both wrestle with "The Great Unknowns". She knows, as well as I do where my true joy lies. She knows, as I do, the reality on the ground. The importance of our relationship, our shared hopes, wishes and dreams, her health needs, my emotional needs, and of course financial realities. A full social transition will be difficult for her to handle and likely bad employment outcomes for me, as well my safety given the world we live in.
It's the stuff many a sleepless and tear filled nights are made of.
One very important thing was not mentioned after "Prepared to loose all the important people in your life...". This sort of implies the desire for a full social transition. It also implies there just may be a "Damn the torpedoes, Full speed ahead" mindset after passing the first hurdle of telling you SO and the Earth did not open to swallow you up, the bolt of lightening did not strike you down, that meteor did not land squarely on your head. That can certainly freak out a spouse, re: barely had a few seconds to process the T-Bomb.
Over the course of these last 8 years she saw me "Transition" from that "Angry person" I had morphed into over the years fighting the trans-beast and almost immediately into a more self actuated person as my emotional health slowly improved as I healed myself from within. She also saw me grow physically due to the secondary affects of HRT. This was harder for her to..... accept as a fair trade off. However she can no longer see me as a husband. Not with boobs nicer then her un-enhanced ones.
