Body struggles. Please please help.

[Ypsf09]

Sisters,

I am really struggling with body issues and today was a really tough day. I have always had body struggles even before starting the transition but it has become much more severe now.

A little background on how my body has changed since hrt.

######2 month HRT#######


<Image under review>

<Image under review>

Body stats: 125lbs@5"10, 33-23.5-34

######15 months HRT and 2 days BA post op######


<Image under review>

Body stats: 135lbs@5"9.5, 36-24.5-36.5

#####23 months HRT and 1.5 month postop BBL#####

http://imgur.com/TKbMALr

http://imgur.com/4wQp4Ux

Body stats: 145lbs, 37.5-23.5-41


###$$#25 months HRT######

http://imgur.com/FIr71iw

http://imgur.com/NRSHqPh

Body stats: 140lbs, 37-23.5-39.5

####27 months HRT######

Sorry no pics...as I hate my body now due to gaining 15 pounds

Body stats: 39-24-41


Now that I weigh 155 lbs, I miss my old body from 2 months  where I was thin. At 2 months HRT, my dysphoria came from shoulders broader than hips and no butt...boobs. but otherwise I liked the fact that I looked thin/smaller. In my pursuit to having the classic feminine figure(without taking too much risk) I gained 10 more pounds which made quite a difference but not enough. So I decided to have bbl and gained 10 more pounds for the surgery. However bbl recovery took its toll and I gained 15 more pounds. Now I miss my thin boyish figure from early on and it's really affecting me.

Do you think I should loose weight? But I don't want to loose my butt/hips but do want thinner legs and arms. Or I should just get liposuction.

Today after feeling down, I thought about dropping my weight to 130lbs and just getting butt/hip implants. But that would be so not the right way .

Why is this so hard? I feel like I am such a failure. I wish my mind was not so hard on myself. I guess I also feel very pressured by seeing pics such as these of other transwomen.

<Image under review>

How do these transwomen have it all?

[warlockmaker]

Your first few pics really looked amazing. I sponsor Tg for beauty pagents in Thailand and they are thinner than westerners, and look similar to you in body shape.  The issue with big butts is that you have to get fatter so the girls here do implants on hips and butts. This way they keep thin with the desired size hips and butt.

[josie76]

What you should do is realize that you are not fat to start with. You are dealing with womanhood. Congratulations honey  . You look like you put body fat on exactly where every other woman does. You look natural, not fat.

If you are concerned then find a good exercise routine. Just simple small things can keep you trim.

Honestly you looked waiflike in your early pictures. Kinda anorexic. Be a natural woman, not a starved one.

[Ypsf09]

Your first few pics really looked amazing. I sponsor Tg for beauty pagents in Thailand and they are thinner than westerners, and look similar to you in body shape.  The issue with big butts is that you have to get fatter so the girls here do implants on hips and butts. This way they keep thin with the desired size hips and butt.

Very interesting. I love Miss international queen contest. Always amazed by the contests. Yes I have a similar body type with those contestants but have gained weighed in quest of the feminine figure. I always wondered how those thai girls do it...i though silicone...since I wasn't aware of hip/butt implants there.

Anyways I recently moved to Hawaii and am planning a trip to Thailand soon. Can i.plesse pm you to get more info on some popular thai surgeries?

Thanks

[Ypsf09]

What you should do is realize that you are not fat to start with. You are dealing with womanhood. Congratulations honey  . You look like you put body fat on exactly where every other woman does. You look natural, not fat.

If you are concerned then find a good exercise routine. Just simple small things can keep you trim.

Honestly you looked waiflike in your early pictures. Kinda anorexic. Be a natural woman, not a starved one.

Thanks Josie. You are right. On a good day I feel the same but then some days my mind tells me what have I done to myself. Womanhood is tough in these day/times where one is  constantly bombarded with these images of perfection.

Yes I will start dieting/exercising to drop 10 pounds and see how I feel.

[KristinaM]

Wow, you are amazingly feminine, shapely, and beautiful. Please try to calm down and realize that you are the exception and not the rule already! Almost nobody has a figure like yours, certainly nobody that I know. Even "ideal" femininity is only gifted to like 2% of the population, and they have to work to keep it!

I'm 5'6", 150 lbs., 39-31-40. I will never have your shape, but I don't look fat either, and neither do you.

That said, I wanna lose 5-10 pounds to lose my chin pudge and love handles. So if you've got something like that that you wanna do, then feel free to go for it. But stay healthy and keep the implants to a minimum, in my opinion.

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[Angélique LaCava]

Talk are crazy. I wish my body looked like yall. I can't gain weight worth anything. I started out at 119 lbs and then after hormones gained 15 lbs then lost all that due to muscle loss. I'm now 123lbs and I hate how skinny my body is.  Be grateful.

[Ypsf09]

Wow, you are amazingly feminine, shapely, and beautiful. Please try to calm down and realize that you are the exception and not the rule already! Almost nobody has a figure like yours, certainly nobody that I know. Even "ideal" femininity is only gifted to like 2% of the population, and they have to work to keep it!

I'm 5'6", 150 lbs., 39-31-40. I will never have your shape, but I don't look fat either, and neither do you.

That said, I wanna lose 5-10 pounds to lose my chin pudge and love handles. So if you've got something like that that you wanna do, then feel free to go for it. But stay healthy and keep the implants to a minimum, in my opinion.

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Thanks Kristina for your generous response. Your pic looks good. True I definitely didn't want Any risky implants in the lower body coupled with the fake/semi fake look. Hence did it the right way or as right as it could be. But some days I become weak and loose perspective.

Thanks again for your kindness. Hope you get the results you dream off for your chin and love handles.

[Ypsf09]

Talk are crazy. I wish my body looked like yall. I can't gain weight worth anything. I started out at 119 lbs and then after hormones gained 15 lbs then lost all that due to muscle loss. I'm now 123lbs and I hate how skinny my body is.  Be grateful.

Angelique,

I just looked at some of ur pics from ur older post and you look good. It's all about perspective, when I looked like you..i.e skinny I wanted a hourglass shape and now that I do...i miss ur shape.

[KristinaM]

Thanks Kristina for your generous response. Your pic looks good. True I definitely didn't want Any risky implants in the lower body coupled with the fake/semi fake look. Hence did it the right way or as right as it could be. But some days I become weak and loose perspective.

Thanks again for your kindness. Hope you get the results you dream off for your chin and love handles.

S'ok, we all lose perspective somewhere along the lines. Thank you for being receptive and open, and also for your kind words. We can only change or bodies by so much when we're already thin, so I hope you find the right plan of action and a wee bit of self acceptance to get you through this time. [emoji173]️

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[warlockmaker]

Please do pm me.I'm  Eurasian and feel that western women view of beauty is percieved as fat here in Asia. Most western views of beauty does not fit a runners body.  Im 5ft 7ins, 130 lbs but would like to lose a few pounds. I exercise daily and compete in running races of 5k and 10k, always winning my age group by quite a margin.

[Sophia Sage]

Now that I weigh 155 lbs, I miss my old body from 2 months  where I was thin. At 2 months HRT, my dysphoria came from shoulders broader than hips and no butt...boobs. but otherwise I liked the fact that I looked thin/smaller. In my pursuit to having the classic feminine figure(without taking too much risk) I gained 10 more pounds which made quite a difference but not enough. So I decided to have bbl and gained 10 more pounds for the surgery. However bbl recovery took its toll and I gained 15 more pounds. Now I miss my thin boyish figure from early on and it's really affecting me.

Do you think I should loose weight? But I don't want to loose my butt/hips but do want thinner legs and arms. Or I should just get liposuction.

Today after feeling down, I thought about dropping my weight to 130lbs and just getting butt/hip implants. But that would be so not the right way.

Why is this so hard? I feel like I am such a failure. I wish my mind was not so hard on myself. I guess I also feel very pressured by seeing pics such as these of other transwomen. How do these transwomen have it all?

Don't compare yourself to other people, let alone other transwomen.  Transsexing isn't a competition.

Any weight between 130 and 165 for a woman of your height is going to be healthy, at least in terms of BMI.  That's the range you'll want to stay in, aesthetic concerns aside.  But looking at your photos, honestly I think you look best at 140 -- where you have great curves (and btw, that's a fantastic BBL result!) yet still look fit and trim.  Your waist/hip ratio is 60%, which is exceptionally feminine; at 140 lbs, your bottom still nicely balances out your upper body.  IMO, going lower than 140 might compromise your feminine aesthetics.  If you're not happy with your legs/arms being thin enough at that weight, I think lipo would give you better results than further weight loss.  Also, I don't recommend hip/butt implants.  It's very easy for them to look unnatural if you're in any kind of motion.  Most of the time, we're not posing for cameras. 

Have you had SRS yet?  If you haven't, that would likely be another source of dysphoria, and one that's easily displaced to other parts of your body if you're trying to ignore it.  There is tremendous comfort to having that aspect of a classically feminine figure taken care of.

[KristinaM]

Can't deny how much SRS has refocused my attentions in life. So much less stress and worry and distraction day to day. Can finally get back to thinking about all the things I used to love doing.

But it's not for everyone.

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[Rachel_Christina]

Oh god I only wish I had a body like yours.

You should really appreciate what you have, alot of us will never be where you are

[Harley Quinn]

I think you look good Ypsf09.  Body fat comes and goes... Fitness is where it's at, and I believe that you have that.   I'm sorry that you are unhappy with your current weight.  I am not sure what exactly weight does as for a deciding factor.  I feel comfortable and hover at 155~160, although I am a fair bit taller.  The way you wear the weight is more important and you are wearing your weight well.  Could some of it be additional muscle density?  Not bulk, but density... wanted to clarify that one.

[Angieisalone]

You have a body that most of us would kill for.

[Ypsf09]

S'ok, we all lose perspective somewhere along the lines. Thank you for being receptive and open, and also for your kind words. We can only change or bodies by so much when we're already thin, so I hope you find the right plan of action and a wee bit of self acceptance to get you through this time. [emoji173]️

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Thanks again Kristina. Thanks for making me realize why I went through all this "We can only change or bodies by so much when we're already thin". The only way to safely/naturally change a inverted triangle body type to curvy hourglass is through weight gain.

[Ypsf09]

Please do pm me.I'm  Eurasian and feel that western women view of beauty is percieved as fat here in Asia. Most western views of beauty does not fit a runners body.  Im 5ft 7ins, 130 lbs but would like to lose a few pounds. I exercise daily and compete in running races of 5k and 10k, always winning my age group by quite a margin.

Eurasian wow. So you have best of both worlds. I think meeting somewhere in the middle between Western and Asian beauty aesthetics would be more appropriate for me.

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[Ypsf09]

Don't compare yourself to other people, let alone other transwomen.  Transsexing isn't a competition.

Any weight between 130 and 165 for a woman of your height is going to be healthy, at least in terms of BMI.  That's the range you'll want to stay in, aesthetic concerns aside.  But looking at your photos, honestly I think you look best at 140 -- where you have great curves (and btw, that's a fantastic BBL result!) yet still look fit and trim.  Your waist/hip ratio is 60%, which is exceptionally feminine; at 140 lbs, your bottom still nicely balances out your upper body.  IMO, going lower than 140 might compromise your feminine aesthetics.  If you're not happy with your legs/arms being thin enough at that weight, I think lipo would give you better results than further weight loss.  Also, I don't recommend hip/butt implants.  It's very easy for them to look unnatural if you're in any kind of motion.  Most of the time, we're not posing for cameras. 

Have you had SRS yet?  If you haven't, that would likely be another source of dysphoria, and one that's easily displaced to other parts of your body if you're trying to ignore it.  There is tremendous comfort to having that aspect of a classically feminine figure taken care of.

Thanks Sophia for your thorough response. Yes agree, I look best at 140-145lbs and working towards getting back there from today without compromising the lower body fullness too much. As for SRS, I am still preop and yes the more feminine my body becomes the more I hate that thing there. Planning to get that taken care of soon, but having a hard time deciding on who to go with.

One other thing about Hip/Butt implants besides looking fake is that in my opinion they can be disruptive to ones desire for complete stealth in the long term.  Even though I am happy with being single right now and plan to disclose about my trans status if I go out with someone, I still want to be able to be complete stealth down the right just in case I have a change of heart.

[Ypsf09]

Can't deny how much SRS has refocused my attentions in life. So much less stress and worry and distraction day to day. Can finally get back to thinking about all the things I used to love doing.

But it's not for everyone.

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I cant wait to be someday be finally free from not worrying about being pre-op. It brings a great deal of stress and cant wait to have srs.