The all important questions - am I trans, should I trans, is trans worth it?

[sarahotogi]

I know these topics and/or questions have been beaten to death and there's probably several topics on this started already. However I'm trying to figure it out for my situation and feelings.

I've been rather back and forth on my feelings and thoughts on the whole concept of trans for the past few months but the idea of wanting to be female/woman started about 5 years ago.

A few of the factors that have played into it:

- I love wearing women's clothing, not just the super sexy stuff (haven't done so in public though)

- I love my legs and body shaved and looking feminine. I love painting my toe nails but am afraid to show any feminine element as I've always been rather masculine

- I feel more like a girl when masterbating and I'm starting to feel somewhat detatched from my male parts, and wish I had girl parts

- I'm starting to stuggle with choosing/identifying with male characters in games and strongly prefer female ones

There's alot to my reasoning not to trans or open up to anyone about what I've been feeling as I work at a prison around alot of ex-military, I'm ex-military myself and feel I'd be letting my friends, family and kinda myself down by going trans.

I haven't hated being male and love working out and building muscle. I feel I'd be at a disadvantage in this regard because of muscle loss from estrogen and extra time devoted to beauty and if going through srs, time spent laying around at the hospital and dilation. Not to mention to mention the loss of job oppertunity and all the discrimination.

Maybe before anything else though I need to socialize more with women/trans as this region is rather isolated. Any advice for my sitiation?

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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. As always, a gender therapist could help you work on these issues. Only you can determine what you are, I would suggest you consider the non binary. The non binary is a mix of both male and female as opposed to the binary were we are pretty much one gender. In truth, few people are 100% one gender as you can find female weigh lifters or male nurses.

Now it's permissible for people to engage in almost any activity they desire. Discrimination is minimal so you can do most any job you desire. As for dilation, I am down to once a week and I could go even longer without problems. Also after you are healed, sex is a satisfactory replacement for dilation. As I am not sexually active, I use the other activity.

There are a couple of links you should look at. The first is our WIKI where you will learn more about what transgender is. The second links is "the transition channel" where a gender therapist will help you explore yourself.

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[kelly_aus]

This is something only you can answer. A good gender therapist is handy at this point, they won't give you any answers but they will guide you to find them yourself. I worked out I was trans when I was 12, just didn't do anything about it for another 20+ years.

Welcome to Susan's Place. As always, a gender therapist could help you work on these issues. Only you can determine what you are, I would suggest you consider the non binary. The non binary is a mix of both male and female as opposed to the binary were we are pretty much one gender. In truth, few people are 100% one gender as you can find female weigh lifters or male nurses.

Sorry, but when did your job or hobby play a part in determining your gender?

[warlockmaker]

Many of us have similar stories. I for one was an alpha male and never lived a RLE, I was admired by my peers as a world class amateur sportsperson, ruthless businessman and ultimate playboy. I fufilled all my life family obligations  and told my family and friends who were shocked but amazingly supportive. Today I live a wonderful  amazing life in Bangkok. I fully identify as a transgender female, no stealth for me.  I am proud to be the 3rd gender.

Dena's comments ring true and she is  one person with the longest experience and whose advice I always read.

[SailorMars1994]

Chances are if you are asking if you are trans or not, you probably are. But as Dena has said, where in the spectrum you are is up to you to figure out. Seeking a gender therapist is your best bet.

And as someone said. When did your job or hobbies determine your gender?

Hugs and welcome btw!

[Devlyn]

"The all important questions - am I trans, should I trans, is trans worth it?"

Probably, if you wish, yes.

Welcome to Susan's Place, Sarah! You're going to meet lots of new friends here, you have my word on it. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Dena]

Sorry, but when did your job or hobby play a part in determining your gender?

Not any more but once it did and it still does in some people's minds.

[warmbody28]

no one can tell you if you should transition but I will say if you feel like you have to then do it. I did and I can honestly say I am happy and no longer have any dysphoria.

[amandam]

It looks like I've joined the club. I've had 5 therapy sessions. My main goal right now is to find out exactly where I am at on the spectrum, and then accept it. I mean REALLY accept it, not just say "yeah, yeah". I think you should begin with learning to understand yourself with the help of a therapist who can guide you.

[JoanneB]

I second Dena's advice. I have a very well ensconced male life. Yet I know I know I'm trans since I was like 4 and tried fighting it for some 50 years. After 50 years I sort of got a handle on what does not work and knew it was time for something radical, to take the Trans-Beast on for real.

After 2 utter fail transition experiments in my youth, a third was totally off the table. Some 30 year later hasn't changed that I am 6ft tall, even more bald, big everything, and deeper then average guy's voice. I have a fantastic career, a wife/bff/reality-therapist/soul-mate, and all sort of other obligations I need to live up to, because that is who I am. I needed to find some sort balance between my female side's needs, and wants and the male's needs and wants.

Rather then fighting it, once more, I realized I just needed to give myself permission to be who and what I am. I needed to loose a lifetime of the Shame and Guilt piled on by myself and society over "Being Different". Being different, for totally un trans related things growing up sure didn't help either.

A lot has changed in how I think of myself as a person in these past 8 years. In fact the biggest is being a for real person. Not the Hollywood facade of a guy I was. Not that lifeless, soulless thing I morphed into over years of denying a part of myself. I found ways to "Manage" my GD that allows me to keep all the aspects of what makes me, Me, intact.

Yes, I wished and still do would like to transition. I do not NEED to. Fixing myself from the inside out was my path. Over time I learned just thinking of myself as Non-Binary helped a lot with my anxiety about a life at the intersection of Hopelessness & Futility. Being trans means you are somewhere on the spectrum. I know I am way towards the cis-female side as without HRT I'd probably be dead. The reality of my life is TODAY I need to be NB to preserve everything of value to me. The GD is usually not overwhelming. I have seen that pain all too often when new member join our support group. Life's in chaos, at best, over the GD and it's either transition or suicide. No other viable options for them.

Life and living is all about change. Being trans is not an "All In" or All Out binary choice. There is universe in between to move around in. What worked yesterday may not tomorrow. Time to explore other options to manage the GD and regain balance