Quote from: JJ_BLOSSOM on August 08, 2017, 02:38:19 AM
Well it's happening again..I build a life and do good while I go crazy inside having to be male....I get depressed miserable and hard to be around..then I relapse because I think to heck with it if I have to be male I don't even want to live then I lose my job My home and family then try to fix what I destroyed instead of goin to be true to me....there are signs that fate has left EVERYWHERE....with this same issue happening yet AGAIN in my life why am I so afraid to stop hurting everyone especially myself and go be the woman I so badly want to be??
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Me eight years or so ago when it finally dawned on me that the root cause of about every life disaster was because of how I Was Not handling being trans. I began to take on the Trans-Beast, for real this time.
I did it by simply first trying to even figure out who the "true" me was. Not just the gender part which I had no doubt over since like the age of 4, but the entire package. I had spent decades compromising, living up others expectations, of denial, all fueled by the intense Shame and Guilt of the deep dark secret deep inside of me.
Having a deeply entrenched "male" existence, which many aspects of it did give me joy, for me the "Transition" had to start from the inside. I needed to first clear the fog of Shame & Guilt that obscured my thinking, my true feelings. It was a lot of hard work starting with a ton of self-help books. Some which spoke volumes, others quickly returned to the library. God sent me an amazing TG Support group along with a couple of special angels to pick me up when I started to fall.
Today I still live and present primarily as male. Today I have transitioned into a far better person, a person I am happy to be living in a body I am mostly happy to thanks to side benefits of HRT. Just as before I still do "want" to transition socially and even more medically, but just as before I do not Need to. (most days). I have kept in balance all the important aspects of my life, the things that I know make me, Me. Not an easy juggling act some days as some are in conflict with others. But that is the way life is. You make choices based on what is more important overall.
