My Fantasies VS. Reality

[Kino]

Hello again! This is my second topic ever on the site. I really appreciated the feedback given to my first post linked here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=226758.0

It's where I exposed three big questions or uncertainties I had about myself. Every day, I've exploring my gender identity more than ever, doing research on the internet, and thinking a lot about being a woman. I heavily fantasize about it...

Here are some those things that I dream or fantasize about:
Being a transgender woman, feeling myself, smelling myself...
Feeling sexy in women's clothing...and all the various shapes, colors, and textures they come in.
I've also fantasized so much about being a woman and having sex with another woman or other transgender women.
I dream about having an orgasm as a pre-op transgender woman.
I want to walk down the street, feeling beautiful...
(Some of these things, I can certainly do in a male's body. I just feel they would be heightened in a woman's...)


I read an excerpt from the book "Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity" by transgender woman Julia Serano. She describes the difference between orgasms she had in a male body, and the orgasms she felt after transitioning, in the chapter "Boygasms vs. Girlgasms. A Frank Discussion About Hormones and Gender Differences."
Julia describes (as many transgender women have,) how much more amazing her orgasms are now. The key for me is that she said her orgasms LAST longer and that there is a SMALLER refractory period. I'm quite jealous...That sounds so alluring to me. I want this for myself.
However, she notes that while in a man's body she wanted to orgasm a few times each day (either by sex or masturbation), after transitioning, she wants to only orgasm about 4 times a week. That alarms me.

Anyone else here feel that wanting to transition because it leads towards experiencing better orgasms, or living out your highest, most sought after sexual fantasies, as a reason to do so?
Has this sort of motivation been a major part of anyone here that has transitioned?
Who else here feels conflicted?
I think to myself, well this OBVIOUSLY cannot be the ONLY reason someone should consider transitioning...but I keep fantasizing...just about every day...

My question: Is this all a fetish turned fantasy? I don't want live in a fantasy. I know that. I don't want to follow an unreasonable expectation of what life would be as a transgender woman simply because I want a better sex life. However, I ask is it possible that this is the real me, and her only way of telling me she needs to be come out into the world...?

TL;DR.
Is the sexual fantasy and thrill of being a woman, a motivation for anyone else to transition? Has anyone here also felt conflicted about this motivation for wanting to transition? Also, are there any cis-males here that found that they can have longer orgasms and shorter refractory periods (likened to that of some transgender women, such as the above mentioned author Julia Serano)?

[Megan.]

Hi Kino. I can't speak for others, but here's my own experience.
Yes,  I fantasised about having sex as a woman,  but as that is something most cis-women would do,  I guess that just makes me normal [emoji4]. Societies do tend to sexualise female clothing and form, how you personally identify with this view is probably down to your own lived experiences.
I'm only a few weeks into HRT,  but my libido is waaay down. The 'need'  is basically gone, '4 times a week' sounds like alot to me now!  I have not noticed any change in my orgasm experience,  I'm curious to see if it does change,  but this was never one of my own reasons to transition.
Your own reasons and motivations to consider transition are very personal,  but talking them through with a qualified therapist can be productive. X

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[Dena]

Consider sitting down to a steak dinner with all the trimmings. It's a great meal but if you were served it 3 times a day for every day, you would get sick of it. It's somewhat that way after you start HRT. You no longer crave sex like you once did but that doesn't mean you no longer enjoy it from time to time. It actually kind of advantage because it allows you to concentrate on things without the distraction of sex all the time.

Along with the sex drive, you fantasy life will somewhat change as it's no longer hormone driven. I have seen where many site member before HRT were regular porn viewers. After HRT their appetite for porn was greatly reduced. They would just rather do something other than view porn.

[FlightlessFootwear]

Sex and romance have been a big part of what led me to consider that I might be trans. When I was a teenager I tried to suppress these feelings throughout all aspects of my life, but I could never keep it out of my sex life. I always imagined myself as a girl when masturbating, if I tried not to it would lead to the least pleasurable orgasm imaginable. I didn't even realize until then that an orgasm could be unpleasant if done wrong. On the flip side, when I allowed this fantasy to flourish instead of suppressing it I would achieve incredible orgasms, often longer ones with a very short refractory period, and I would find myself feeling happy and peaceful for a long while after. The persistence of these feelings is part of what kept me coming back to the idea of being trans, as I know that I only truly enjoy sex if I believe on the inside that I am a woman.

Now that I am being open with myself about these feelings, I'm considering the other aspects of my life and whether I also want to be a woman in those. Sex is a human experience, and looking back it makes sense to me that it was how I found this aspect of myself. It's hard to lie to yourself about what you want in the heat of the moment. 

[CarlyMcx]

Let me be perfectly frank:  For many years I did not want to transition because I was afraid of losing the male orgasm -- that intense rush of fluid through a very nerve-dense area of the urethra.  The reality was I had gotten addicted to it and used it as a coping strategy.

When I finally did transition I did it to put a permanent end to an eleven year long series of massive, debilitating panic attacks that left me almost housebound.  After antidepressants, beta blockers, tranquilizers, and anti-anxiety meds did not work, I finally went in for psychotherapy, very quickly got diagnosed, went on hormones, and had the first good night's sleep in many, many years.

Sometimes, I still have a mostly fluid-less, diminished form of a male orgasm, but most of the time I get a much more diffuse and pleasurable female orgasm that leaves me feeling totally drained and like I want to take a nap.  But the reality is, I want sex far, far less often post-hormonal transition.  YMMV

[FlightlessFootwear]

Sometimes, I still have a mostly fluid-less, diminished form of a male orgasm, but most of the time I get a much more diffuse and pleasurable female orgasm that leaves me feeling totally drained and like I want to take a nap.  But the reality is, I want sex far, far less often post-hormonal transition.  YMMV

I can relate to this to some degree. I've always felt like I am at least a little addicted to that feeling because I have used it as a form of stress relief for so long. I really like the idea of having a lower sex drive and of longer, more spread out orgasms. I find the male organs a little disappointing as I prefer the buildup to it far more than the final release. I would prefer to feel like I only am having sex because I want to and not because my body expects it of me.

[Jessica]

For me fantasizing I had a vagina and sex with men certainly played a role in my decision to transition, but not the only one.  One thing that reinforces my resolve is the changes of my orgasms.  Within the first week of estradiol and second month of Spironolactone they became much more full body, prolonged and would be several orgasms in a row. 
Hugs, Jessica 💁