Coping with genital dysphoria

[Amoré]

I am clueless about this it might be a while till I get my op because of finances. But at this stage I am struggling badly with this. It gives me depression each day and I cry almost each day because I can't stand having this thing in between my legs anymore. I don't know how I can distance myself from it because I can feel it I know it is there I use it to pee. I have to touch it and look at it. I can't stand it anymore. It causes my bad dysphoria and depression. I am trying to cope but some days are just tough keeping it all together. I know what should be between my legs and for me having this makes me feel like less of a woman. I don't say all trans woman pre op will feel this way but I do. I just don't know anymore how to relieve this pain until things work out and I can have my op.

[SailorMars1994]

I understand. I really do. It is a nasty thing. I try my hardest to disossciate from it... or tell myself it is just an accident. It is my vaginia that was deformed at birth with two oversized pimples hanging from it. One day, it will be restored to what it outta be.

Sorry, thats the best i can offer. I realize it sucks, but its something to get me by....

[Dan]

It's a bit how I feel about my boobs. Totally useless and a real inconvenience, plus they are chronically sore. I know they are there but I try to ignore them as much as possible.  I now consider them temporary inconveniences that are now only there by my grace and mercy. Soon they will have to go.

So, if you try to think that you have power of those things between your legs, namely that you have given them temporary residence status until such time that you decree their visa to have expired, it can give you a sense of control and maybe feel less dysphoric about them.

Give it a try. See how it goes.

[mm]

Dan, I am with you here.  I do want to be able to look down and see a penis and balls where I have nothing now.

[itsApril]

I am clueless about this it might be a while till I get my op because of finances. But at this stage I am struggling badly with this. . . . I just don't know anymore how to relieve this pain until things work out and I can have my op.

I'm so sorry for the hurt.  Maybe it would help if you called a brief halt to your thoughts when the emotional pain is the worst and focused your thinking for a little while on how far you have come rather than how far you still have to go.  In the year and a half I've been here, you have really made an awful lot of progress.

[coldHeart]

Sorry to hear this amore I,m not sure what you can do, in a way I'm lucky being totally incontinent so I don't have to spend much time with that thing!
Sara

[HoneyStrums]

If finances, are something that could possibly be delaying, Your OP.
I think it might be more the un-knowing of how long you will have to put up with it, that is causing you most of your distress.

Crunch some numbers, but be realistic, set aside a "cr++ i forgot box" to combat those bills that creep up. Give yourself a time frame, then add a year to it.

I am lucky to have had a time frame from the start. And knowing this has helped me. I know were im going and know i will get there.This might ease some of your distress, and at the very least give you somthing ells to think about

[Amoré]

If finances, are something that could possibly be delaying, Your OP.
I think it might be more the un-knowing of how long you will have to put up with it, that is causing you most of your distress.

Crunch some numbers, but be realistic, set aside a "cr++ i forgot box" to combat those bills that creep up. Give yourself a time frame, then add a year to it.

I am lucky to have had a time frame from the start. And knowing this has helped me. I know were im going and know i will get there.This might ease some of your distress, and at the very least give you somthing ells to think about

The unknown of when I will have the finances is definitely a problem. It was supposed to be here by now but the investment that was to pay out never happened and this leaved us in some financial turmoil. Also shattered hopes and dreams. One of them being my op. Now it is up to plan b which is me returning to work and trying to save money for it.This might take 2 years or more. The problem is I don't think I am strong enough for a full time job now I tried twice this year and break down after 2 too 3 months from depression. One of the things that causes me this depression is my op. I hate being that trans girl that haven't had her op yet I just want to be normal. It is one of the questions I always get in my interview. People also see my transition and the depression and operation as a distraction. This might influence my work performance in their eyes.

[BlueJaye]

Hi, I'm new here and saw your post about genital dysphoria. I'm looking for direction and support with what I would best call genital dysphoria. I am male, have no desire to be female or feminine in appearance, but have felt like I should have a vagina since I was little. My penis makes me uncomfortable and I have always felt burdened and kind of disgusted by it and my testicles. Yet being a woman holds no appeal to me except that I would much rather have a vagina.

Are there others that have these feelings? How do you deal with it? I've been dealing with it for around 30 years and I just can't imagine doing this for the rest of my life. I don't think genital  SRS is an option, since it seems you have to completely transition to female for that.

[HoneyStrums]

The unknown of when I will have the finances is definitely a problem. It was supposed to be here by now but the investment that was to pay out never happened and this leaved us in some financial turmoil. Also shattered hopes and dreams. One of them being my op. Now it is up to plan b which is me returning to work and trying to save money for it.This might take 2 years or more. The problem is I don't think I am strong enough for a full time job now I tried twice this year and break down after 2 too 3 months from depression. One of the things that causes me this depression is my op. I hate being that trans girl that haven't had her op yet I just want to be normal. It is one of the questions I always get in my interview. People also see my transition and the depression and operation as a distraction. This might influence my work performance in their eyes.

If depression is, interfering with work, it might be an idea to look up some coping strategies for depression itself.
These might help you manage your depression a  little better. Lots of things can cause depression, and guides tend to focus less on the cause, and more on mood management.

[Amoré]

Hi, I'm new here and saw your post about genital dysphoria. I'm looking for direction and support with what I would best call genital dysphoria. I am male, have no desire to be female or feminine in appearance, but have felt like I should have a vagina since I was little. My penis makes me uncomfortable and I have always felt burdened and kind of disgusted by it and my testicles. Yet being a woman holds no appeal to me except that I would much rather have a vagina.

Are there others that have these feelings? How do you deal with it? I've been dealing with it for around 30 years and I just can't imagine doing this for the rest of my life. I don't think genital  SRS is an option, since it seems you have to completely transition to female for that.

For me I transitioned to female and just have my ID and operation to do still. I can relate to feeling utter disgust with my genitals. Maybe there would be others on here that share you feeling of not wanting to transition.

[Sno]

Hi, I'm new here and saw your post about genital dysphoria. I'm looking for direction and support with what I would best call genital dysphoria. I am male, have no desire to be female or feminine in appearance, but have felt like I should have a vagina since I was little. My penis makes me uncomfortable and I have always felt burdened and kind of disgusted by it and my testicles. Yet being a woman holds no appeal to me except that I would much rather have a vagina.

Are there others that have these feelings? How do you deal with it? I've been dealing with it for around 30 years and I just can't imagine doing this for the rest of my life. I don't think genital  SRS is an option, since it seems you have to completely transition to female for that.

WhatAmI, welcome to Susan's, I'm sure a mod will be along shortly with links and more.

In the meantime, to get back on track (I'm trans, but not transitioning)...

Dealing with boy bits... for me, seems to be easier when I am less aware - so I focus on minimising movement, smell and opportunities to see my outie.
On days when it makes its presence felt and these are not working - I try to be mindful, and have also named my dysphoria - treating it like the nagging toddler that it feels like (everyone has seen how toddlers can be at the checkout, with the candy, after a long day...), to help me remember that I am in charge.
Some days none of this helps, and I have to resort to distraction - keep busy to not have time to think - hobbies can help immensely, or the long list of jobs that are always getting put off - this is the type of day they've been waiting for!

Rowan

[BlueJaye]

WhatAmI, welcome to Susan's, I'm sure a mod will be along shortly with links and more.

In the meantime, to get back on track (I'm trans, but not transitioning)...

Dealing with boy bits... for me, seems to be easier when I am less aware - so I focus on minimising movement, smell and opportunities to see my outie.
On days when it makes its presence felt and these are not working - I try to be mindful, and have also named my dysphoria - treating it like the nagging toddler that it feels like (everyone has seen how toddlers can be at the checkout, with the candy, after a long day...), to help me remember that I am in charge.
Some days none of this helps, and I have to resort to distraction - keep busy to not have time to think - hobbies can help immensely, or the long list of jobs that are always getting put off - this is the type of day they've been waiting for!

Rowan

I started wearing a chastity device about two years ago, and that helped a lot. It's inconvenient at times and sometimes pinches, but it greatly restricts erections and it completely covers my penis which prevents and sensation of clothing or anything else touching it.

I just wish there was a better option. I would gladly have SRS if I didn't have to transition to a woman in order to be approved for it.

[LizK]

I started wearing a chastity device about two years ago, and that helped a lot. It's inconvenient at times and sometimes pinches, but it greatly restricts erections and it completely covers my penis which prevents and sensation of clothing or anything else touching it.

I just wish there was a better option. I would gladly have SRS if I didn't have to transition to a woman in order to be approved for it.

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[Dena]

Hi, I'm new here and saw your post about genital dysphoria. I'm looking for direction and support with what I would best call genital dysphoria. I am male, have no desire to be female or feminine in appearance, but have felt like I should have a vagina since I was little. My penis makes me uncomfortable and I have always felt burdened and kind of disgusted by it and my testicles. Yet being a woman holds no appeal to me except that I would much rather have a vagina.

Are there others that have these feelings? How do you deal with it? I've been dealing with it for around 30 years and I just can't imagine doing this for the rest of my life. I don't think genital  SRS is an option, since it seems you have to completely transition to female for that.

Welcome to Susan's Place. There are others who feel like you do and there are exceptions where surgery is obtained without a full transition. It gets rather complex because you need replacement hormones and part of your dysphoria can be caused by testosterone so estrogen becomes the logical choice. People feminize to varying degrees on estrogen. Some change little and other experience male fail in as little as a few months. Another consideration is it's possible that you require a social transition to a lesser degree than body dysphoria so addressing one could bring out the other. It would be best if you enter therapy with a gender therapist who can help you explore this in far more detail.

[BlueJaye]

Welcome to Susan's Place. There are others who feel like you do and there are exceptions where surgery is obtained without a full transition. It gets rather complex because you need replacement hormones and part of your dysphoria can be caused by testosterone so estrogen becomes the logical choice. People feminize to varying degrees on estrogen. Some change little and other experience male fail in as little as a few months. Another consideration is it's possible that you require a social transition to a lesser degree than body dysphoria so addressing one could bring out the other. It would be best if you enter therapy with a gender therapist who can help you explore this in far more detail.

You seem to be very knowledgeable about gender issues, and I am definitely not.

There are some things you mentioned that I'm not sure I understand. What is "male fail"? Is that a point in HRT when a man fails to pass visually as a man anymore?

Also, could you explain what you meant by me possibly needing social transition and it could bring out something else? Do you mean that maybe I could have hidden or suppressed transsexual issues that I never allowed to be addressed and gender counseling might reveal such things?

[Dena]

Male fail is when a MTF reaches the point where they are gendered female without trying. Some respond well to estrogen and have few male features  so they feminize quickly.

In my case, I had social dysphoria. Because of money issues I cross lived 2.5 years before surgery. I found that greatly reduced the discomfort I had with myself. We have varying degrees of body and social dysphoria and until you eliminate the one that makes you the  most uncomfortable, you aren't sure if you have anything else to deal with. Getting out there and living the life is a good diagnostic tool even if you don't pass effectively.

I am going to give you two links that will show you how complicated this can get. The first is our WIKI where you  will learn what transgender is. The second is "the transition channel" where a gender therapist will cover topics related to transsexualism.

[Amoré]

Well I have been to the shops today with my boyfriend my dysphoria is getting so bad that even woman on magazines trigger it now. Yesterday I saw a pretty woman in the mall and boom dysphoria. I don't know how to cope with it I am sitting here miserable and hopeless. The waiting list for state funded grs is 25 years in South Africa and then the quality is questionable. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel depressed. Luckily I don't feel suicidal.