Getting nervous

[amandam]

I need to cut my nails but decided not to. I live in boy mode. The longer they get the more nervous I get. I guess I'm afraid of what people will think.

[elkie-t]

I need to cut my nails but decided not to. I live in boy mode. The longer they get the more nervous I get. I guess I'm afraid of what people will think.

Go ahead and cut them for gods sake. No one cares about your nails, but without regular filing and strengthening them with polish, they will start breaking and won't look girly at all.

When you decide to go out, long nails aren't as important as nail polish (and even nail polish is optional) and if you insist, you can glue fake nails for extra awesomeness.

[Dena]

Don't cut them. Instead file and shape them. I have my hands in and out of stuff all the time so often I break nails. My solution is to maintain a 2/16 to 3/16 of an inch length. It's long enough to be feminine but I have seen males with untrimmed and unshaped nails nearly that length. It will give you practice with longer nails but it's not really long enough to out you.

[amandam]

thats the thing about this, they're not even very long. geez, i got a problem.

[TransAm]

Honestly, no one's going to be paying attention to your nails unless you work in a field where you regularly have to display your hands (IE: a jeweler). Even still, they might just glance at them and go, "huh, he needs to cut his nails".

No one on earth would look at a guy's untrimmed nails and make the quantum leap to assume he must be transitioning.

Just file and shape them like Dena said. It will give you good practice for general maintenance in the future, set up a good base for when you really do want to grow them out and give you something to focus on and play around with that no one will register.

[Jazmynne]

I let the fingernails on my little fingers grow out and keep clear nail polish on them. might look weird to someone else by I know why they are long and just a little thing to feel feminine. I also keep  my  toenails painted with clear.   

[elkie-t]

I let my thumb finger nails grow (in male mode) to a quarter of an inch. If anyone cares to ask - 'I'm just too lazy' or they are helpful to screw little things - both reasons are true btw. I don't really care about length or neatness of my nails in male mode and keep them short in female mode (and I don't like painting them - it attracts attention to my hands which are wide). But nail length won't out you as a guy... as long as they aren't painted

[josie76]

I was letting mine grow out for a while now, and that's while doing agricultural heavy mechanical work. Keep edges filed and shaped. No paid too much attention to them. Unless you are like me and a "hand talker". I'm even more so now.  I have always talked with my hands in what is a feminine manner unless I was keeping my guard up in which case my hands were in my pockets.

The thing I didn't like about longer nails was getting oil and greasy dirt under them.  I found brake cleaner worked to wash out the undersides better than scrubbing ever could. Oh one note, with just Emy nails broke at just a hint of bumping something. Now on P and E they are much tougher. 

[Kendra]

Ever been to a symphony orchestra concert?  Notice all the women on stage.  Some have inner beauty, and some fit the social mold for feminine beauty.  Perfectly styled hair, a touch of makeup, long black dress, tasteful shoes.  One might be the solo instrumentalist.  A few on stage might even be MTF, nonbinary, FTM, perhaps the audience doesn't know or it doesn't matter.  Digital music didn't kill concerts - audiences still want to see and hear the entire experience.

Everyone on stage is literally in the spotlight for two hours.  Look closely at these women.  How long are their fingernails? 

If you have ever tried to play the violin with long fingernails you know the answer.  In addition to that, I don't intend to stop working on my car after I go full time.

Kendra

[amandam]

I know what it is, whenever I start moving more fem, the more nervous I get. Maybe I developed anxiety problems because I'm afraid of being transsexual? Maybe if I just faced my fear, I would find out I'm not, or if I was, at least I wouldn't be afraid?  Yes, I am afraid, and I believe my gender issues are the root cause of my anxiety. If I could just accept myself, whatever I am.

[tobeSandra]

I work in the motor trade not the most feminine of careers but my nails a long as I dare. I said or file the ridges out and polish them with a buffer and sometimes put clear varnish on them. Most days I have to change batteries in key fobs in front of customers who never say anything...enjoy your nails I know I do

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[Laurie]

I know what it is, whenever I start moving more fem, the more nervous I get. Maybe I developed anxiety problems because I'm afraid of being transsexual? Maybe if I just faced my fear, I would find out I'm not, or if I was, at least I wouldn't be afraid?  Yes, I am afraid, and I believe my gender issues are the root cause of my anxiety. If I could just accept myself, whatever I am.

Hi Amanda,

  I think what you posted is more on the mark than your nails are. Not wanting to face the possibility that you are trans is the deeper issue here not your nail. Acceptance that you have gender issues is going to be the direction you need to go. And the best way to begin that is to find yourself a good therapist you can talk honestly with. Preferably a gender therapist as they will be better equipped to help you explore these issues. I know mine has been helping me.

Wishing you progress in finding your answers.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[elkie-t]

I think it's mentally easier to fully dress up as a female and go somewhere no one knows you than gradually feminize your appearance one thing at a time in front of people who do know you. They will notice something is going on even if they don't tell you.


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[AnneK]

I need to cut my nails but decided not to. I live in boy mode. The longer they get the more nervous I get. I guess I'm afraid of what people will think.

I wear nail polish every day and I don't care what people think.  I do it because I want to.

BTW, I keep mine short, because I don't like it when they get too long.  But that's my decision, not someone else's.

[AnneK]

I let the fingernails on my little fingers grow out and keep clear nail polish on them. might look weird to someone else by I know why they are long and just a little thing to feel feminine. I also keep  my  toenails painted with clear.

I always go with colour.  I haven't had clear since a few weeks after I started wearing nail polish 12 years ago.

[RobynTx]

I keep my fingernails as long as I can so I can do my job. So not very long. I try to keep clear polish on them. No one notices or says anything. Plus most of my job involves wearing medical gloves. As for my toes I keep them painted whatever color I like. This week is metallic silver.

Just trim yours and keep them at a functional length.

[amandam]

So many threads about hate for us, no wonder I get scared.

[Dena]

So many threads about hate for us, no wonder I get scared.

I have been living full time starting in 1979 and have never had anybody behave aggressively to me. There are actually a few others on the site who transitioned before me and likewise, have not had issues in all these years. I am uncomfortable with the number of violent links that are placed on this site because they say nothing about the hundreds of thousands of us who live everyday lives without a hint of violence.

Remember that you can also get struck by a bus or a car crossing the street. Bad things happen but you can't let fear rule your life or you would never step out the door.

[Kendra]

The only times I have been physically assaulted I was dressed in my assigned birth gender.  That occurred several times in grade school due to racial bigotry in the small logging town I am from (Arlington Washington, one hour north of Seattle).

I have never experienced any direct threat to my safety as a result of transition.  I have never bothered to paint or grow out my fingernails.  The most I've done there is clear-coat during a couple professional manicures which I found a waste of money (I like to work on cars and I'm remodeling my condominium - hit my own finger with a hammer right after my last manicure 6 months ago).  We all have personal goals and community standards vary, but more recently (even pre-HRT) I seem to have passed reasonably well with totally plain fingernails.  I painted my toenails a couple times last year, will probably do that again but I don't think it's very important.

Amanda my advice is please don't be nervous, and enjoy who you are. 

[amandam]

Ok, found a happy spot. I'm keeping them medium length, and well-manicured. They could pass for guy or girl nails. Thanks for the help and all of your concerns! I have one more Kaiser therapist appt. (up to 6) with this therapist. I will continue but have to be given to another since she only does "triage".