Hi! This is my first time really joining a community for trans people, since I only came out to my friends recently, but not with my family. I identify as male, but I don't fit the "always knew" and "always liked cars and not dolls" story, so I never thought I was trans. For most of my life, I found my discomfort confusing and I tried to ignore it. I identified as nonbinary once I found out that was a thing, probably around 2009, but that never felt quite right and just felt like dipping my toe into saying "hey I'm not a girl!" for me.
I've always been really interested in makeup, unusual hairstyles, and alternative/androgynous fashion. Once I got into goth music and later into visual kei, I realized there are all kinds of men, even cis men, that had the same kind of interests as me and were considered "man enough" while doing so. It was a big revelation, even though at the time I didn't understand why it was important to me, so I got really deeply into that kind of fashion. It's a really important part of how I express myself and how I find a balance with my interests and identity.
I'm always worried about not being "trans enough" or that I'm not "trying hard enough" to pass, so even now I'm afraid of rejection on this forum. I'm hoping I find a few people who relate or at least accept me here.
