Misunderstandings of trans people

[Larisa]

There is a huge misunderstanding or something about trans people. Ive written about this a bit before. An exfriend of mine years back one day said to me Im the most hetro guy he had ever met. This was around when I started to show the real me more to him. He didn't like this and would always deny Im anything female. He than tried to accuse people like me a pervert. He had no idea what he was talking about.

Ive heard it before and I know it's nonsense. It has nothing to do with attraction. He like some think it has to do with sex. I never get mad usually cause I realize it's impossible to understand what being trans is if you are not. It still sucks that there is soo much misinformation being talked about and it does frustrate me how it affects people like me. If I could Id snap my fingers and be me in a second. Ofcourse I can't do that.

Because of this, people are afraid to talk about trans stuff. I wish some truth would be spoken for once but to most and Ive heard it before that being trans to others is a mystery. It's not easy being this way.

Ive even seen it where like on a forum, I mentioned Im trans and all of a sudden no one speaks to me basically so I just stopped posting to it. Again they have heard so many things that are not true.

For me it's simple, I just want to be me.

[BlueJaye]

This seems to a really good place to be as far as people understanding what trans actually means. I've only been a member here for a few days, and am just beginning the process of addressing my own gender issues, and have found the people on this forum to be extremely helpful, polite, and full of useful information.

Hang around a while and make some friends here. I think you'll be glad you did.

[BlueJaye]

Oh, I just noticed your post count is pretty high. I didn't mean to be insulting. Looks like you've been here a while.

[Larisa]

Oh, I just noticed your post count is pretty high. I didn't mean to be insulting. Looks like you've been here a while.

No worries. You def were not insulting.

[Devlyn]

Go ahead, tell me to stick around, too! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[zamber74]

Yeah, it hurts when I see that sort of behavior.  I hate how your former friend called you a perv, that is really a cruel thing to say to someone.  I get a little angry when I see people make that claim, this is not sexual for me, I do not want to be a woman for sexual gratification, and what makes it even more frustrating, is it is hard to explain the real reasoning of why I am the way I am, because I can't explain the cause for such a feeling in the first place.

[zamber74]

Go ahead, tell me to stick around, too! 

Hugs, Devlyn

Welcome to the forum!   

[Devlyn]

Thank you! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Steph Eigen]

Because of this, people are afraid to talk about trans stuff.

I'd argue that outside of specific situations where it is a necessary topic to discuss such as here on a transgender forum or in course of transition related situations with therapists, physicians, dating, or in the setting of making legal arrangements such as name change; it is something that probably should not be a central point of discussion.  Not that it is a taboo or something to try to ignore or attempt to deny, simply not a regular part of daily life.  Whether it is obvious, whether you do or do not  not pass, it is not something that should be an issue in day to day life interacting with others.  You are not going to make it an issue.  It is not an issue UNLESS they make it an issue, which they should NOT in the setting of a civil society.

So, be you.  Ignore the inappropriate comments.  Don't play into the efforts of others to make you feel odd because of being trans.

Steph

[Kylo]

There's a guaranteed misunderstanding of trans people because most people out there are not trans and have zero experience with it.

It's not the misunderstanding that is the problem, it's how a person reacts. You can have someone not understand and yet their response could be "I don't understand, can you explain it please?" and that's not a bad thing. That's normal for someone reasonable who doesn't understand a thing, to then learn more. And there'll always be people who react to things they don't understand with disgust and clamming up their brains to any sort of explanation.

But it's not really surprising the amount of confusion out there at the moment because trans has come to mean a whole lot more lately than it did 10 or 20 years ago. The umbrella has more under it and I can see some people being confused as to what exactly a trans person is now that we have gender fluid and crossdressing under it as well. I just explain what I am if I absolutely must, and then the follow up questions I always get asked it can you explain what gender fluid is (because people out there now seem more confused about that than transsexual medical transition), and the honest answer is that no, I can't because I'm not gender fluid. And I can't explain all these other  "hundreds of genders" either. I have no idea where all of that is being taken, and I don't wonder if the disorganization of information on some of that is contributing to the public confusion. There should probably be some kind of comprehensive information drawn up about it for people to voluntarily go look at if they want to know, but people are often lazy when it comes to learning, it will be left to us to constantly explain it to every curious person met.

I would have suggested not volunteering information on it or not even bothering to explain it if you don't feel inclined, except I think the confusion caused lately is going to affect us (how society is beginning to see us) and needs to be sorted out.

[LizK]

I had a talk with my 76 year old father about Trans women the other day and hides behind the defence that he has only ever known the Night club drag queens. I pointed out to him I am hardly a replica of Devine. Drag kings and Queens are skilled artists who create an illusion with props and makeup. He is starting to get the idea about Trans Women and I know the last time I spoke to him I tore down a number of his arguments very easily.

It does get tiresome though

[Ryuichi13]

The best description I've heard about what the difference is between sex and gender is:

"Sex is who you go to bed WITH.
Gender is who you go to bed AS."

Maybe if you tell those that ask this, it'll make explaining what being trans is. 

Personally, I view being afab as a birth defect that I am finally doing something about, but not everyone feels this way.  I go to bed every night as a man, and every day I live for the rest of my life, I am visually the man I've kept hidden for most of my life and I should have been born as. 

I am thrilled that after waiting so long,  this conversation is finally in the public's eye, even if some of the information is currently wrong.  I don't mind informing those that ask about what being transgender is, but again, not everyone feels this way.  For those people that simply do not want to speak about it, fine.  After nearly 55 years of waiting for Society to catch up and for technology to improve enough for me to feel its time to transition, I am more than happy to do the talking for those that choose to remain silent.

As for genderfluid, the only experience I can say is through the eyes of my boyfriend.  He is forced to play the part of afab because of financial reasons, but at home he is male, and I refer to and treat him as such.  So much so that when we are in public I have to stop and think about referring to him as female, as my first response is to call him by male pronouns.

As to others on the gender spectrum, I cannot answer for them.  I am hoping that others on the spectrum will speak up in this very interesting conversation.

Ryuichi


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[RobynD]

This is something i see fairly often. On one hand, people simply do not know enough about us and they make assumptions based on entertainment, media, porn etc. I feel like i should politely correct them and i do when i am able. On the other hand it does get tedious.

I have heard that in some cultures such as ones in Asia, it is automatically assumed that if you are trans you will be hetero and like people that opposite of your assigned at birth gender and any level of bisexuality/pansexuality is greeted with some amazement. Perhaps someone from those areas can correct me If i am wrong.

I feel like i need to pay it forward to some degree and educate people as i can. That does not make it easy though.

[Raell]

Robyn, I've taught ESL in Thailand since 2010, and gradually became aware that so many people are bisexual/panseuxal, it's almost assumed.
Marriage is for family and procreation, and couples often don't even live together. Both partners sometimes have side lovers of either gender, as they please.

Perhaps you thinking of Thai sex workers, "Kathoey" lady boys, who are gay men who dress and act like females to acquire male clients, usually foreign.

[Lady Sarah]

There is no easy explanation to give. My biological brother and sister had no idea how to react when they first met me (I had been adopted). Over the years, they have done their own research, and noticed how I carry myself. It took about 4 years before they really started treating me as a woman, instead of some kind of "it". Bear in mind that my biological mother is a racist as well as a homophobe (and former transphobe). Fortunately, I had even changed her mind about trans people.
On the other hand, nothing could change the minds of my adoptive family. It all depends on whom you are conversing with.

[JoanneB]

I had a talk with my 76 year old father about Trans women the other day and hides behind the defence that he has only ever known the Night club drag queens. I pointed out to him I am hardly a replica of Devine. Drag kings and Queens are skilled artists who create an illusion with props and makeup. He is starting to get the idea about Trans Women and I know the last time I spoke to him I tore down a number of his arguments very easily.

It does get tiresome though

I agree with Elizabeth that the core of the problem is that for many a millennia, if not longer, societies ONLY exposure to any thing trans comes from the world of drag queens and often in very public ways, such as the theater. Those images, the overwhelming perception, is deeply ingrained into the societal zeitgeist.

Yet this is also contrasted, as we are slowly learning today, how many trans people throughout history simply living and being the best of their preferred gender. Many times seen/discovered during times of war or immediately after.  The quiet ones simply going about their lives as stealthily as possible. No different then many to most of us today

[Julia1996]

Most people are totally ignorant about trans people. A lot of people don't realize that sexual preference and gender are separate things. Even my own brother didn't understand the difference at first. We were watching a show with a trans character. In one scene she was having sex with her cis girlfriend. My brother couldn't understand why someone who likes women would have SRS. I explained it to him and he gets it now. But a lot of people think mtfs transition just so they can attract and have sex with guys. People also think mtfs have surgeries so they will be attractive to men. The ignorance of otherwise intelligent people about trans issues is unbelievable.  I had a friend actually ask me if I used pads or tampons. I thought she was joking but no, she was serious. I told her I don't have periods. Then she asked how long it takes before you get one. She really thought high doses of hrt would cause a mtf to have a period.  After I explained no it didn't work that way I asked why she would think that. She said she had read it online. Her stupidly surprised me. But I know people have like a number of misconceptions about being trans. If someone is honestly ignorant and asks questions in a respectful way I will try to educate them. Othrtwise I tell them to ask google.
Julia

[RobynD]

Robyn, I've taught ESL in Thailand since 2010, and gradually became aware that so many people are bisexual/panseuxal, it's almost assumed.
Marriage is for family and procreation, and couples often don't even live together. Both partners sometimes have side lovers of either gender, as they please.

Perhaps you thinking of Thai sex workers, "Kathoey" lady boys, who are gay men who dress and act like females to acquire male clients, usually foreign.

Thanks for adding that. The Thai culture is very accepting. I should have said China, Korea and Japan, those societies seem to put their transgender folks in neat little boxes of sorts.