to boob or not to boob (AmAb edition)

[Undead Cat]

So I've been struggling with a hard decision.... even though I don't think hrt won't change any bit of my psychological state , I am curious about it, I wonder if going on to get stuff like boobs is actually worth the disease risks and physical discomfort that comes up with boobs + taking hormones , I wonder if it is worth anything bc if I grew boobs I'm sure I would only leave home with a binder and work on a binder for more than 8 hours everyday for the rest of my life, and off course long term binding is bad for boobs and your physical health like lungs, skin, bones, back, ribs, muscles,  stomach .... also I would feel scared of getting breast diseases which are a lot, and also the side effect diseases that come along full hrt like blood clots,  gallbladder disease , etc, and I don't think it's worth to take hormones forever and even so.... if I stopped taking them after breast growth, my breasts would deflate like an FtM.  I don't pretend taking hormones forever or getting bottom surgeries.
It also must be a pain to wear a binder, is it like wearing a gaff tucking underwear or is worst ? And I also have asthma and acid reflux already,  I think binding would asphyxiate me.
I actually don't know what to do, I wish I could transition somehow... I wish I knew if there are physical health benefits attached to hrt to actually motivate me to change my body chemistry.

I feel bad sometimes,  I wish there was an way to either a) live without sexual hormones without dying of  stuff like osteoporosis or  b) have all secondary traits but being able to hide them whenever I wanted without causing me longterm or instant harm, I mean.... not like wearing prosthetics or make up.

But srly sometimes I wish there was a point to motivate me to transition,  I actually know that I technically don't have to love myself and I don't care about my appearance anymore. Anyway ... seeing the biological differences BTW cis men and Trans women , do Trans women have more biological benefits over cis men or keeping a "cis male" body is better for my physical health ? Anyway,  I'm not trying to be sexist or rude , I'm just a biologist and I actually tend to question a lot and make decisions based on reason /logic thoughts rather than giving attention to my psychological/heart.  I also like to really question a lot.


Any suggestions to help me? Thanks you for hearing. ... these thoughts been bothering me for years.

[Megan.]

I can relate to this conundrum!
Earlier in my transition I got very frustrated that there was not a route to block my T without me suffering osteoporosis down the road; if this option had existed,  it would have been my first choice.
I know there are several members here who have done medical but not social transition, but the long term practicality of this varies greatly.
It was my growing dysphoria that pushed me to socially transition,  but if you don't suffer this,  or it is mild,  then you may feel very open on the matter.
If you're not already,  maybe talk through this with an experienced therapist,  and maybe discuss possible options with an endocrinologist.
Sorry the choices aren't better,  maybe in future medical science can offer us a third option.  X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Undead Cat]

I can relate to this conundrum!
Earlier in my transition I got very frustrated that there was not a route to block my T without me suffering osteoporosis down the road; if this option had existed,  it would have been my first choice.
I know there are several members here who have done medical but not social transition, but the long term practicality of this varies greatly.
It was my growing dysphoria that pushed me to socially transition,  but if you don't suffer this,  or it is mild,  then you may feel very open on the matter.
If you're not already,  maybe talk through this with an experienced therapist,  and maybe discuss possible options with an endocrinologist.
Sorry the choices aren't better,  maybe in future medical science can offer us a third option.  X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Yeah,  I suffer dysphoria,  but the thing is that modern treatments aren't kind to me (at least the ones I saw in 3 years of surfing the Trans community and a few more studying the human body , I don't know everything)
I wish I wasn't born with a sexualized body at all and I feel guilty for my image and behavior being not aligned with my internal identity.... but you know what ? As far as I know there's nothing I can do,  also I'm not obligated to feel comfortable at my body, oh well, I don't even feel comfortable with my Identity in the society I live, I'd rather prefer to be misgendered as a gay effeminate dude than being treated worst for being nb and Transgender.


And yeah,  it's frustrating to feel stuck, but well,  I don't know nothing about my future, I fear screwing my health more or losing control of my life, but when I'm not fearing, I feel incomplete, misunderstood and stuck, and somehow uncomfortable... actually I realized there's no way I can feel comfortable so I shouldn't blame myself or others for not being comfortable.


I'm glad you mentioned social transition, in my case I'm better doing "cis-play" to avoid dying brutally out there.... I mean what matters more ,my physical health or my psychological health? Even if I suddenly started to care about what gender people think I am, I would feel more frustrated bc off course I would suffer more discriminations in my area for "stupid reasons" imo bc I don't think my gender Identity is important.

Anyway , I'm so tired of "you can't do anything, don't think about it". Even though I feel bad for existing the way the universe created my here and now. .. oh gosh, the "what ifs " kill me.