Struggling to move

[Intermezzo]

Hi everyone,

Just want to introduce myself, I'm MTF in my late 20's and I've struggled in my assigned gender for as long as I can remember, I came across this site a few months ago whilst looking for advice on how to cope during a time when I was feeling particularly drained, it's taken me this long to work up the courage to make an account and post (I suffer from rock bottom self esteem), this is only the 2nd time I've ever posted on a forum so I hope I'm doing this right!

I'm not sure how to describe how I feel, I've known from a young age that I didn't identify as a man but I didn't have access to information or anyone to talk to back then (no internet!) so I just persevered however the feelings of discomfort and awkwardness(?) have never gone away and have only gotten stronger as I've seen my body change over time.

I've battled major depression, anxiety and crippling low self esteem since I was 11 with repeated bouts of depression recurring although I'm not depressed now, just feeling trapped due to personal circumstances and feelings of guilt and worry, I don't have anyone who I can talk to about how I'm feeling at the moment.

Sorry if this is a bit much for an introduction, I hope I can get to know you and share my experiences with you.

Thank you for reading, Mez

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. You have come to the right place to talk about your feelings. We have members just starting out, members like me with more miles on the clock than we want to admit to and everything in between. Just tell us what you what to start out with and we will do our best to get you where you are going.

What you have and are experiencing is very common. All of us have had experiences much like what you are feeling. The good news is it can be treated so you don't have to live with it much longer.

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[chastitydomme]

I keep hearing tragic stories like this, it is so disheartening.
Try find a support group a therapist etc. There are people who will accept you for who you are.

[Charlotte F]

Hi Mez

Welcome to Susan's and congratulations on taking your first step.  There are many of us who have been through much the same as you and I can personally emphasise with everything you say.  You're not alone here

I'm MTF too and only fairly recently took steps towards living as my true self.  The biggest step I made (other than joining Susan's of course!) was finding a good therapist who really helped me understand what I am and what I want to achieve.  Since then we have been exploring issues one at a time which makes the whole process seem that little bit more manageable.  Of course I'm still a long way off where I want to be but compared to just a few months ago, I am in a much better place mentally and can see a future I want to be part of

I'm looking forward to seeing you around the site

Charlotte x

[Intermezzo]

Thank you all for the warm welcome, and for the advice

I'm going to try and find a support group and look into speaking to my GP for a referral to counselling, I've already started taking some small steps which have helped a little on my own after reading the forums for a while.

I'm looking forward to talking to you all over time, I've got so many thoughts and feelings going through my head at the moment, I'm scared of hurting my family but excited at the realisation of who I truly am and that it's not too late for me to become this person, I still feel guilty for feeling this way and selfish for wanting to change like maybe I'm making things seem worse for myself than they are.

  My family is a mix of liberal and conservative ex-forces people and if my parents find out I could end up homeless (my Dad isn't likely to accept me), I also have a 6 year old Son from a failed relationship who I see weekly and idolises me as his Dad.

  Is there anyone who's had experience coming out to a young child, I haven't found much information on the topic as most of my searches find advice for parents who's children are transgender.  I'm nowhere near ready to come out to my family yet but I worry about how it might affect him both directly and indirectly (bullying at school), I honestly don't think I can cope keeping up this false persona for years.

Sorry again if this isn't the right place for this, if it's not please could you point me to a more appropriate place to discuss these issues?

Sorry for the rambling, Mez x

[V M]

Hi Mez 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[R W]

Hi there Intermez! I think you are starting off well just do not get into any hurry. It takes time to adjust to changes and having children makes things confusing, it did for me but my son is now grown and living in another state. You must do what is right for you and only you can determine that with the help of a Gender Therapist. Your therapist will help you avoid problems you might not be aware of so this is someone you will need in your corner.

Randi

[Dena]

Young children are fairly easy to deal with. You need to explain that inside you will still be the same person and that you will still love them. After they understand they can still do the same things and that you are a happier person to be around, they will fully accept you. The teen years are a bit more difficult as some but not all children form a bias and it may not be possible to get through to them.

As far as bullying, it will depend on the school. Some schools have transgender programs in place because they have transgender children attending class. If the school lacks a transgender program, it's best to teach your child to limit discussion on the subject outside of family.

[Intermezzo]

Thank you all for the advice, sorry I didn't reply sooner, I've been travelling and ran out of data >.< 

I'll try to contribute where I can on the forum, thank you again for the warm welcome everyone!