Coming out as MTF to parents at 13

[Sarah ❤❤]

I am MTF but have not come out to anyone yet going back to school soon and will propably tell my bestie but nobody else. I dont think my dad is supportive of LGBTQ+ people in general but I think my mum would be fairly supportive though.

I have changed my name on most of my online accounts for things except Instagram and Snapchat. I have always been bullied in school for not having any friends that are boys and only haveing about 3-4 friends I have move schools because it was getting even worse kids were threaten to kill me and said that nobody would ever care when I died because I had no friends!

Any help would be much appreciated Many thanks in advance,
Sarah❤❤

[Aurorasky]

I'm so sorry. Kids can be so cruel to each other. I remembre being bullied a lot at school, it's not fun and you don't deserve what they are doing to you.  I managed to transition at 18. My parents were awfully unsupportive but they came around in the end.

You'll need to gauge your parents' reaction firsthand. Even for parents with fairly liberal views, having a trans kid can cause a lot of turmoil and backlash and doubts. If you think telling your parents will cause them to cut financial support, don't do it. Wait until you can work and can pay for some expenses yourself. Get a part-time job, a job, something. Start doing the little things, like plucking your eyebrows and shaving/waxing. Then, if you can, get a doctor to prescribe blockers for T under the policy of no harm done. If your parents are supportive, then your path will be smoothened and you can bring them to talk to a therapist specialized in LGBT issues and if they agree, a doctor can start you on HRT. Present as a girl, that will make it much easier for mental health professionals to accept it and think of you as a girl.  kudos for fighting this so young

good luck

[Sarah ❤❤]

Thanks for those kind words I will try to speak to my parents about it! Do you know about the system in the UK for trans teens?

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[Cindy]

Hello Sarah

Welcome to Susan's

Lovely to have you here young lady. I realise that this is a very frightening time and also confusing I expect. 

Have you talked to your Mum? I know parents can seem pretty odd but in my experience they do love their children and will accept them. Sometimes it is hard to talk to them, but maybe ask them to sit down and tell them that there is something very important that you want to talk about.
Tell them how you feel. How you are being bullied. How you love them. How you are frightened that they may not love you.
Sometimes it is easier to write it all out in a letter and give it to your Mum.
I think you may be surprised in their reaction.

There is nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly normal, there are lots or people of all ages who question their gender and identity and there is nothing wrong with that. Bullies are nasty and mainly stupid but be careful and brave at the same time.


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[LizK]

We would care if we lost another sister to bullying.

Cindy has some solid advice

I hope you are able to find some decent friends. Sounds like talking to your Mum might be your best bet, I hope whatever you do it works out really well and you can get the help you want and need.

[elkie-t]

As usual I would suggest telling your parents. You can stop male puberty and will not have to deal with male voice and facial hairs and your frame won't grow as big. You won't have to start taking female hormones and come out at school if you aren't ready, yet maybe if you come out at school, it could be easier for you (you seem already in the bottom of already, how much worse can it be)?


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[Elis]

I'm from the UK also . You need to talk to your GP about being referred to Tavistock in London; which is the only GIC for under 18s. The GP and your parents might think you need to be referred to a general psychiatrist first but this is no longer necessary and is rather pointless. Unfortunately the waiting list for a first appointment is rather long atm. You might want to ask your GP about if he can prescribe you T blockers while you wait; although most doctors refuse too due to lack of knowledge about being trans as a medical issue.

As for telling yiur parents I think it's better to write an email; that way you can get your thoughts on order. Start with how you felt in the past about your assigned gender; how you feel now about it and plans for the future. Then include articles about what being trans actually is. There's a bbc 3 YouTube video called something like 'becoming a trans man' about a trans guy called Leo who's on hormone blockers. Might be helpful for your parents.
You might want to contact Gendered Intelligence and Mermaids. They both offer support and advice for trans young people and their parents. The former also holds social group meetings.

Just a hands up but be prepared for your parents refusing to understand; saying their supportive but not showing it or not treating you right afterwards. Not trying to scare you bit it happens. What I wish I knew sooner in life is that your parents don't own you; you didn't ask to be born. You have a right to choose to live how you wish.

[Sarah ❤❤]

Thanks for all the support everyone I will take the advice you have given me I will get back to you if I have anymore questions!
[emoji173][emoji173]

[Julia1996]

Hi Sarah. Welcome to the site. I'm Julia. I transitioned and started hrt when I was 17. I'm 19 now. I'm really sorry your being bullied. I was too. I can't tell you how your parents will react but I can tell you that sometimes parents can surprise you. I think all transgirls automatically think their dad will reject them and that their mom will be accepting.  That's not always true. For me it was the opposite.  My dad is the stereotype macho guy. He was in the marines and he's a cop now. I didn't think he would accept me being trans in a million years. But he's been totally accepting. My mom on the other hand was not that accepting. So you never know with parents.

As others have suggested writing your parents a email might be easier. If you write it it will probably be easier for you to express your true feelings rather than talking face to face. It might help also if you maybe include some links to other trans kids. I would also suggest you include a couple of links to sad stories of trans kids. One in particular could be helpful. There is the story of a teenage transgirl whose parents wouldn't let her transition. Her name was Leelah Alcorn.  She committed suicide. Her story and a copy of her suicide note can be found on Wikipedia. If you include the link to her story you can let your parents see how serious this is without implying you will harm yourself. On the plus side at 13 your parents are not going to throw you out if they don't accept you.

Like others have said you are at the perfect age to start testosterone blockers.  Make sure your parents know that the blockers won't cause any changes. They just prevent any further changes from testosterone.  If you decide later you Don't want to transition all you have to do is stop taking the blockers and male puberty will resume. It makes transition much easier. Be sure to tell your parents that. But if they refuse to let you take the blockers don't freak out, it's not the end of the world. You can still have very good results if you start at age 18. If your parent's take you to a counselor, which they should, yell them absolutely everything. Yes at age 13 they will discuss what you tell them with your parents but in this case that's a good thing. And even if your parent's have a bad reaction don't recant anything you told them. Parents like to think stuff they don't like is just a phase. You need to make them understand this is NOT just a phase. You could maybe even give them a link to this forum and let them talk to us and read our stories. But that's totally up to you and if you're comfortable doing that.

I hope some of this helps. Please keep us updated.
Hugs
Julia

[Sarah ❤❤]

I'm from the UK also . You need to talk to your GP about being referred to Tavistock in London; which is the only GIC for under 18s. The GP and your parents might think you need to be referred to a general psychiatrist first but this is no longer necessary and is rather pointless. Unfortunately the waiting list for a first appointment is rather long atm. You might want to ask your GP about if he can prescribe you T blockers while you wait; although most doctors refuse too due to lack of knowledge about being trans as a medical issue.

As for telling yiur parents I think it's better to write an email; that way you can get your thoughts on order. Start with how you felt in the past about your assigned gender; how you feel now about it and plans for the future. Then include articles about what being trans actually is. There's a bbc 3 YouTube video called something like 'becoming a trans man' about a trans guy called Leo who's on hormone blockers. Might be helpful for your parents.
You might want to contact Gendered Intelligence and Mermaids. They both offer support and advice for trans young people and their parents. The former also holds social group meetings.

Just a hands up but be prepared for your parents refusing to understand; saying their supportive but not showing it or not treating you right afterwards. Not trying to scare you bit it happens. What I wish I knew sooner in life is that your parents don't own you; you didn't ask to be born. You have a right to choose to live how you wish.

Tavistock is very far from where I live I live in Glasgow, Scotland so that is very far for a GIC..

[Elis]

Tavistock is very far from where I live I live in Glasgow, Scotland so that is very far for a GIC..

Unfortunately you're going to have to make the trip as it's the only GIC in the whole of the UK for under 18s unfortunately :/. Sort of good news is the first appointment and second appointment will be a few months apart so it should be easy to plan trips down there. And the first appointment will be a good couple of months wait too.