Not coming out, but outed anyway

[Bari Jo]

I wasn't planning on coming out at work for quite some time, if ever.  However I have been outed somehow.  I have never dressed differently at work either.  I've had one person even use the term transition with me in front of others  I'm not sure how to handle it.

[elkie-t]

Neither admit nor deny


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[Bari Jo]

Thanks, that's sounds like a plan.  I'll see how that goes for a week or so...

[KageNiko]

Just be sure not to appear too defensive about it.  If you're not wanting to be outted, then acting defensive will cause them to double down on their suspicions.  Perhaps you could have a conversation with that person about how they feel about that topic.  While you don't admit to anything, you don't have to hide your own thoughts about it.

[elkie-t]

Thanks, that's sounds like a plan.  I'll see how that goes for a week or so...

I don't like lying, especially if truth can be easily found or if you might want sooner or later to come out. But you don't have to explain yourself either, if you aren't comfortable. One of my staple answers is 'on advice of my counselor I would neither admit nor deny'. It is kind of humorous, and not as rude as 'not your business' but brings the point across fairly well.

[Dena]

Interesting. Male fail without HRT. If the issue comes up again, you can say it "Must be the weight loss" or you can play the dumb card by saying "Your the second one to say that. Why to you say that".

[Bari Jo]

Honestly being my age, I never thought I'd experience male fail.  When I was younger I used to get that all the time.  I'll play dumb, say it's the weight loss.  It's a weird feeling being in this situation,, some relief, and some part of me feels violated.  I don't think anybody has any bad feelings here, and my workplace has very good understanding guidelines already for trans people.

[Bari Jo]

It's been about a week.  Nobody has been giving me a hard time.  I know for sure the cat is out of the bag though.  So many of my coworkers are too full of smiles.  I haven't acknowledged, but eventually I probably will.  I'll see how my transition is treating me in a few months.

[amandam]

Sorry this happened to you. Did you surf here at work? They always keep records.

I have a bit of quandry myself. There is a large LGBTQ group at my work. If I go to the main therapy center in my town, they may have dealings with some of my work people who are very politically active. In fact, I saw one of the staff of the therapy center is friends with a friend of mine on Facebook! So, if I want to meet others like myself, there is a risk.

[Jessica]

I don't think anybody has any bad feelings here, and my workplace has very good understanding guidelines already for trans people.


Hi Bari Jo, Maybe embrace it, this looks like a great opportunity.
Hoping for you, Jessica 🙋🏼

[Bari Jo]

Ooh Amandam, that is something I haven't considered.  i have friends that are also crazy active in their local lbgt group, I know if I ever attend meetings where they go, I will attract attention I'm not ready for.  I hadn't considered that this might get back to my company's LGBT group, but of course it will, small world.  Eventually none of us want to be in the shadows, but it is more to consider.  I only surf these sites on my phone or home computer., so I don't think that outed me.  I believe it's because I've lost 25 lbs and have been slowly removing the beard.

Thanks Jessica, yes it may be okay.  I am not in an environment that is driven by testosterone.  Been there, hated it.  This environment might be an opportunity, like you say.