Hello All,
Due to some gentle prodding by someone who shall remain anonymous, but whose first initial is Laurie, I will introduce myself. I've been skittering around the forum leaving little messes everywhere without putting anything here yet, so I'm a bit overdue. I think this'll be post number 28.
In a few weeks I'll be celebrating the 30th anniversary of my 29th birthday. I am transgender MtF and started HRT NTLA (Not Too Long Ago) - in fact, the counter below says 1 month 25 days as of this writing.
I am amazed at how similar our gender experiences are, regardless of the differences in all of our backgrounds, upbringings, environments, home cultures, etc. etc. It seems that essentially the only differences are where on the gender spectrum we fall, and how those around us deal with it. Otherwise, the confusion, shame, fear, dysphoria, are all similar. So I see no point in telling you what I've gone through since, well, since I had cogent thoughts. Most of you have been there and know in excruciating detail without me having to describe it. It's that shared experience that brings us all together here.
So I'll only bother covering what you may not know. I grew up in the midwest, was the underdeveloped lonely picked-on nerdy kid through school, and never really dated until I re-met a friend from high school who eventually became my wife. I put together a somewhat successful career in computer support, ending that phase after running a corporate IT department. I burned out in that career at the same time my wife got laid off from her job, and we moved to central Florida where I switched careers by expanding my beloved hobby into a job - with which I've been pretty spectacularly unsuccessful, but it keeps me busy and out of the bars.
Though I was assigned male at birth, on the gender spectrum I am at least 90% female, and I've always known it. Nothing is going to fix this except going all the way through HRT, hair grafts, maybe some FFS, and finally GCS. I am extremely lucky in that my wife is supportive, and I've been putting together a support team of very dear friends, one of whom is a transwoman herself. And as of last week, my Mom and sister know, too. They not only are on my side, but we're suddenly closer than we've been in years. With HRT the noise in my head has gotten a lot quieter, and people say I smile a lot more and am more loving. I know I'm a lot happier most of the time, though as you all know, there are occasional setbacks. And I acknowledge that a lot of us don't have it as easy as it's been working out for me, and my heart goes out to all of you. I'm also trying to keep myself braced for when I do get hit by that truck. I'm sure it'll happen sooner or later, especially considering where I'm living.
But, like the girl said as she was falling past the tenth floor of the twenty floor building when asked, "How's it going?": So far so good...
Though I've started the physical transition, I've only made a few small steps in socially transitioning. I've gone dressed to closed group therapy sessions, worked up to a gathering at a private home, then in a restaurant with one other couple in a known-friendly part of town, another gathering in a regular restaurant, and finally another gathering in a restaurant followed by going out in the big world for a walk through a resort town. Absolutely no problem so far, though I've told a few funny stories in other threads here. I have a big week planned, with a closed group meeting tomorrow, a meeting with my endocrinologist and possibly my therapist on Friday, and a large group gathering on Saturday, all of which I plan to dress for. And my wife has decided that we're going clothes shopping for me before the meeting on Saturday. While I'm dressed. OMG... My biggest obstacle is getting out of my close-knit neighborhood while dressed. My neighbors are pretty good friends, but I'm not ready to come out to them yet. My original plan was to wait to drop the bomb until the HRT made it impossible to hide, but the pressure is building to just get it done so I can be me without that stress.
Anyway, I think that's probably enough for starters. This is a great site and I'm so happy I found it. The only problem I have with it is there's so much information it's like drinking from a fire hose. But rather too much info than not enough...
The same person who pushed me to get this intro done has also suggested that I document my journey, so I'm thinking about doing a retrospective of what I've gotten through so far, followed by a chronicle as I move forward. I like the idea, and will try to get started on that as time allows. I do have to support my unsuccessful business, after all.
Thanks for listening, and I'll see you all around,
Stephanie
