Dating (Forever Alone?)

[PhoenixGurl2016]

Forgive me if this is in the wrong place but does anyone have any advice about how to date as a post op, Asexual, Aromantic, Asensual, person or a place where to go? Like I have no drive but I don't want to be alone, but I fear for my safety and don't know how to "date" when I no longer have that "drive". I also feel like I am cornered into only other transgender people cause no one is going to accept me "raw" Does anyone else have these issue? Any advice?

[PurplePelican]

Stop looking at yourself as something different. You are a woman, no more or less.

Although, I do have to ask, what's in it for the partner of an asexual, aromantic and asensual person? Relationships are a two way street and require traffic in both directions.

[Katie]

As stated in the second post I agree. like any girl a guy might find you or not..........

[Memento]

Like what Pelican said, think of yourself as a woman and have confidence in that fact. But you might have a bit of trouble finding anyone outside of churchboys, which presents its own dilemma.

What puzzles me is the aromantic part of that. I understand asensual and asexual, but does being in a relationship not indicate some degree of romantic attachment? I've never met anyone who was aromantic and interested in dating.

I'm not 100% any of those three things, but I have little interest in sex and have a lot of boundaries as a result of trauma. I found someone who respects those boundaries, so I can confirm they're out there. And finally, if you're going to disclose, do it in a safe place/over the phone and you'll be fine. Though... I can't see why being trans would hinder you much if you're never going to touch the other person.

[DustKitten]

You guys do realize that asexual/aromantic people are still perfectly capable of forming deep, meaningful bonds with other people? It's very possible for someone to want to be close to another person WITHOUT any of the usual physical intimacy we associate with our "normal" relationships. I've had a number of friends like that myself.

The only advice I can really give is to look for other asexual people to date. They're not common, but they are out there. Otherwise, if you can just find a best friend who's willing to cuddle sometimes and go places with you, that might be your second-best option. It's nearly the same sort of relationship, except they would be free to be with whoever else they wanted.

I would also suggest that you try to go out and make like-minded friends whenever you can. Simple conversations are where the best relationships start, and for someone like you, it can be easier to find a close friend to fill that void than someone willing to date you on your terms. Again: I'm NOT saying that it'd be impossible for you to find someone perfect for you, there's probably several someones out there who would love you just the way you are, but I AM saying that people like that are really hard to find, and it's not a bad idea to try to patch up the holes in your heart with a few friends until you find that person.

[Brenda80]

I would guess that the greatest hurdle when it comes to relationship of sorts is acceptance.
Be it in any form.
For me generally, the hardest portion is to disclose on my past. Yes no doubt I do recognise myself as a woman. However it is generally from my perspective. Being thru relationships and even thou no matter how much of chemistry, compatibility and interest that builds up, when it comes to the part of disclosing my past to start off, it usually dies off. There is often this portion of the prospective partner within themselves that cant seem to discard off that past of mine. Its somehow creates a shadow which seems to have this triggering mindset that something is not right or so along the lines. Well one cant force the other to love or accept everything can I?
When it comes to relationship nowadays for me, it happens it happens and I am not actively seeking for one anymore, I guess its a gift when it happens. I try to direct my focus on elsewhere such as career or hobbies. Of course once in awhile when loneliness seeps in, there is often this aching within my heart yearning for love.

[Linde]

I am pretty much asexual.  I did not have any sexual interaction for the last 15 or so years!
But what I really miss, is skin contact and cuddling.  Spooning would be a dream for me.  But also just sitting on the patio and reflecting on the past day, or doing a road drive and haring the impressions.  There are thousands of interrelation things i could think of that allow the Change of human interpersonal warmth and love without involving intimate sexuality!

I have the same problem as the OP to find a person who would want to share my life with me without needing sexual performance.

[WishnHopeN]

I am happiest when I set boundaries and keep them.  I regret EVERY time I have ever let someone cross my boundaries.  Boundaries help me feel safe and respected.  Anyone who does not respect my boundaries is not going to be in my life.

Examples of boundaries can be things like, romance with no touching, or no touching certain parts, or only touching that feels non sexual, or crazy sex but no romance don't touch my hair and leave three hundred on the table, or ANYTHING.  I set my own boundaries and I can pull them down or build them higher whenever I want, however I want, for whomever I meet.

I DO NOT feel the need to bend or break for anyone just because they want me to. 

There are plenty of people out there for everyone.  Post on forums.  Go to support groups.  There are TONS of non sexual people on this planet.  Being non sexual is normal and healthy.  The media wants us to believe this happily ever after crap that includes sex in every episode and every date has to have a song written about it.  F that noise.  My life is what I make it.  Being non sexual doesn't mean broken.  Being uninterested in poofy pink fluffy romance is fine.  Some people aren't into it. 

Also: therapy therapy therapy.  If you don't like your therapist find a new one. 

Google anything and there is information.  I promise, you are not alone but it does take work to find your tribe.

[Gail20]

Yes, it can certainly be normal to be asexual et al but . . .  our systems need Estrogen and they may some Testosterone now as well.  A certain amount of T in women is responsible for a healthy Libido.  Before you settle on who you are you may wish to get some labs done to see what your T levels are. . . they may be low. . .