I was spectacularly unsuccessful in my pursuit of girls for romantic/sexual relationships, due in no small part to my attempts to punch way above my weight. However, was have been successful in forming non-sexual friendships and have aways enjoyed being close to women. It was as if there was something in my subconscious that prevented me making the jump from platonic friendship to sexual relationship.
Looking back now, I do feel that I was trying to live my own needs and desires for femininty through others - if I couldn't put on a dress & stilettos and do my hair & makeup nicely, then getting close to someone who did was a compromise I could just about cope with. This really manifested itself in the early years of marriage when I would encourage my wife to dress as I secretly wanted to. As we've got older, the heels have got lower, skirts have been exchanged for trousers and, guess what, the dysphoria is on the increase!
