One reason I never transitioned basically

[Larisa]

Ive sometimes considered my situation to be similar to say data in star trek. He knew he was human inside and would try to be more human and while he became more and more human even later on, inside he was still circuits and all.

Myself it was not just money, surgery and family knowing but also that no matter how hard I tried to become me, it would never be 100% and so while Im doing and have done a few things to be more me, it's why I never transitioned much. It might be closer to me but it would never be exactly what I want.

That and leaving this boy everyone knows whos real also is something I just couldn't do. Maybe transition is for others but for me it wouldn't be exact.

Still one day I hope to be the girl I am inside one day. I never give up on hope. I believe in heaven, god and jesus and for me I believe my hope to be me lays in that. If jesus and god stood and gave me a choice between boy and girl, it would always be girl. I just want to be like any other girl!!

[Felix]

I always loved Data and I mimicked him pretty hard. I hope you don't feel that external changes control your identity. Sometimes who you are really is who you feel like you are.

[Dena]

A mathematician and an engineer woke up on one end of a foot ball field. Looking around they discovered there was a beautiful woman on the far end of the field. Both were about to walk over and see how far they could get with her when a voice boomed out and said a bell will ring and then you may travel half the remaining distant to the other end of the field. To ensure the point was made, a bolt of lighting struck the ground just in front of them. Both waited for the bell and when it rang, the engineer quickly moved half way down the field. The mathematician said to the engineer "you understand that you will never reach her". The engineer replied "yes I know but I will get close enough".

I understood that perfection wasn't possible when I transitioned however I knew that remain in the male role was something I could no longer tolerate. I am not and will never be a fully biological woman but I am comfortable with myself, my life and I am free of the extreme discomfort I felt as a male. It may be different for you so you need to do what is right for you. If that means not transitioning, I still offer what ever help I can to make your life better.

[Bari Jo]

I hear you Larisa, I won't achieve perfection either.  In fact the first two attempts I had at transition, I stopped for that reason.  That reason is a big killer.  I was fine with that decision for maybe a year, then the urges came, the GD, isolation, anger all of it with a vengeance.  I tried to control it for about four years, it just kept getting stronger and stronger.  I started to not be able to think or concentrate on anything except that.  The tipping point for me was I tweezed my entire beard in a weekend as I couldn't stand that face anymore.  I tell this because I don't want others to have to go through it.  I say have to, because in my mind it was required, pain be damned.  The very next week I was able to get back on HRT.  Crisis, you bet;). Almost immediately my GD went way way down.  I may not be able to become the hottie that I see in my head, but I'm okay with it.  I am starting to feel normal.

Perhaps a low dose could ease the GD for you and not transition?

[Lady Lisandra]

I sill believe that in fewer years than we think, technollogy that makes full gender change possible will the available. Until then, you might never be 100% a cis woman, but you can get close, so close that it can be enough for you. After almost 2 years of hormones I can say that I didn't transition to become a woman, I transitioned to stop being a man, a be something closer to what I'd like.

Perhaps somewhere in the middle of your transition you'll find a balance between male and female, or a proportion wich makes you happy and comfortable. Because I think that's what transition is all about, to be comfortable with yourself and live happily. Being a cis woman might have been a guide, somewhere to aim perhaps, but it was never the ojective of transitioning, at least in my case.

[JoanneB]

I have a well entrenched 'male' life. I guess that is what happens when you live it as best as you can for 50 plus years. When the time came for me to take on the Trans-Beast for real I came to realize I needed to fix a lot of things on the inside. There was a lot of self inflicted damage thanks to decades of fighting the GD, Shame, Guilt and internalized transphobia. It took time and a lot of hard work to even begin to get a handle on who and what the real me is vs the person or thing always living up to others expectations, and then some. God forbid anyone see through the facade of "Guy" I worked so hard to build and maintain.

The one great emotional wrestling match I have these days is over a full social transition. I know how lucky I am that I don't need to transition (most days), but sure would like to, in a perfect world. But the world isn't perfect. The potential cost of being, presenting and living as the totally authentic me is too high. The reasoning is simple. For that potential 20% or so gain to be 100% authentic, I may loose a good chunk of that 80% which are also very important aspects of what makes me Me.

For me, that 'Boy' has been gone for a while now. To my wife I am also no longer a husband in her eyes. She see's now as well as knows the full me I tried to keep buried the best I could. I still live and present as male. Just that facade I built is mostly torn down and I present the real me. Both of my therapist asked me this same question; "What would be different if Joanne showed up for work tomorrow?" My reflexive response both times was "Nothing". OK a few dropped jaws as that old bald guy morphed into a pretty good looking older woman but otherwise I'll still be the same me.

None of us will ever be a 100% authentic female. I can't even imagine what that must be. I do know there is the possibility of me being the 100% authentic me. In fact, aside from some lingering emotional baggage I am pretty much the 100% authentic me. The Me I need to be today in order to be Me. I have a deeply rooted female aspect as well as a male one. I may not present as female all the time, but that is just who Me is today. It sure is a big change from the I haven't a clue at all who or what Me is of years ago.

[Megan.]

I wasn't me,  but now I am; whatever label people give it.
If you can be your authentic self,  no matter what you do or don't do to get there,  then my belief is that gives you the best opportunity to live a happy and full life,  but it takes work,  and there are no guarantees.

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[Julia1996]

I won't ever be a biological female and I won't ever be tall and beautiful like a model. But for me being as close to a cis female as I can be is 100% better than trying to be a guy.
Julia

[Janes Groove]

I believe in heaven, god and jesus and for me I believe my hope to be me lays in that.

I understand your need to be 100% female. I totally get that.  But, as an aside, I was just curious about what your thoughts are as pertains to this passage from the bible.

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
King James Bible, 1611, Matthew, 5:15 and 5:16

[Megan.]

There is not a person (man,  woman or trans*) in this world that are happy with who they are. The journey,  adventure and challenge is the winding road of self improvement,  and making yourself the person you want to be,  while always knowing you'll never really make it there.

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[Kylo]

How often do we ever get exactly what we want?

But if that's what feels right to you, then stick with it. If you suspect you will have problems down the line because of it, you're probably correct. People know themselves best.

[Shellie Hart]

I knew early in my life (well, early adulthood) that I would never get nearly what I wanted out of life. I just knew I would be limited. Somehow I sensed it deep down. My genes gave me a strange body that never fit into any category. I had the legs and torso of a girl but male puberty destroyed my face. Why my body shape didn't change I couldn't know. Maybe if my face had cooperated (and ignored the testosterone), things could be different now. But the cost for FFS is simply prohibitive. So I will not transition socially. But I have transitioned privately. Somehow, for me, it works. Sixteen months HRT have made all the changes (nice presentable boobs, etc.) except to my cursed face. Go figure. I have made peace with my situation and have accepted the "half measures" life has dealt. However I appreciate the courage others here have shown and stepped over that line I cannot....

[DawnOday]

I really understand what you mean. Just the other day I was baby sitting my granddaughter and I was sitting there envying my daughter for producing this little bundle of joy. It won't happen for me but perhaps in the near future it will work for you. About a year or so ago Doctors tried transplanting a uterus, with improvement to protocols it may not just be an experiment much longer. Wouldn't that be sweet?

Bravo JoanneB could not have said it better.

[Steph Eigen]

To extend Dena's point.  I don't to whom the following old saying is attributable:  "perfection is the enemy of the good."

Steph

[CarlyMcx]

This is not about being a woman.  This is about being me.