Help!

[Red10571]

A very confused 17 year old male here. Starting when I was small, maybe about 8/9 I started wearing my mothers lingerie occasionaly. Then I had a long lull for maybe 6 years where I didn't even think about crossdressing until when I was around 14. Since then I have steadily got more and more in to crossdressing, wearing bras panties etc whenever I got the oppurtunity. However, and sorry if ths is too explicit or disgusting, it is mainly for sexual satisfaction (yes you know what I mean, won't go in to detail). Once I have finished I have no urge to wear the clothing in fact I want to remove it straight away. I am a heterosexual male who is attracted to females and is perfectly happy living as a male, enjoy all the typical male activities of gaming football etc and have. Good social life with plenty of male friends. However in my head the thought of being a woman is constantly playing on my mind, i often fantasize about what it would be like to have breasts and a vagina etc, in fact I feel I would enjoy being female, but I don't directly wish to transition to female as I am perfectly happy as a male and greatly enjoy my life. Furthermore i would be too scared to come out even if i did wish to do so, plus the fact i am 6"3 so would never pass. The main thing confusing me is, am I transgender or is womens clothing just aa crossdressing fetish to me, is it just a phase? Sorry for the long message I am just very confused and do not know what to do. P.S there is simply no way i could attend counselling or anything of the sort, it is something i would sinply not have the nerve to do or wish to do.

[Laurie]

  Hi Red,

  I'm Laurie, MtF and would love to welcome  you to the site. (Hug). Welcome to Susan's Place. Come on in and be at peace we don't byte here (well most of us don't. So just step on in.
  I myself began exploring my desires at an early age much the same as you. I not only had mom's clothes but 4 sometimes 5 sisters (it's complicated) to  umm borrow from. I found the same pleasure as you back then and I was at once confuse, guilty and enjoying it. Back  then we didn't have internet tho look up what was wrong with me.
  I cross dressed most of my life, Recently I discovered I was trans and began transition.  I now see a gender therapist also. I would recommend a gender therapist as a means to explore more about where you fit into the gender spectrum. You could be non binary or gender fluid and the therapist can help you figure things out.
 
Hugs,
   Laurie

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[Megan.]

Hi Red,  welcome!
Firstly, many mtf trans* people often form sexual associations with their behaviour in their teens,  it's called raging hormones [emoji4],  and I did the same things too. The difficult thing is trying to identify if your feelings are purely sexual (i.e female clothing just happens to do it for you,  which is fine),  or that it's a deeper issue with how you identify.
Secondly, sexuality and gender are separate things,  it's totally fine to be trans* and like men,  women,  both or neither!
Despite you not wanting to open up with a therapist,  these really are the best people to help you answer these and other questions. It can feel like a massive step,  but if you do,  afterwards you'll probably wonder what you were ever worried about [emoji5].
All the fantastic members here can support you,  but in the end,  the only person who really knows you is you!
Good luck. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[V M]

Hi Red 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[OU812]

This is obviously something you ought to talk over with a gender therapist, but to speak generally on the subject, most people who transition to female have a deeply-seated internal feminine identity. This often manifests from a very young age and can be pervasive - you might love girly cartoons, always role-play as females, gravitate towards girly clothing or behaviours without even being aware of it, or otherwise have a sense that something is not right and it's because you "wish you were" a girl (in fact, in this case, one already always has been a girl, if only inside, and the realization of this inner truth can be likened to a kind of euphoric awakening process).

On the other side of the fence, are those who will dress up as Jasmine and insist that they're Aladdin, so to say. If it's a strictly sexual or artistic matter and you're otherwise comfortable with labels like "he/him" (maybe outside of some escapades), your birth name, the idea of having kids, and basically want everything else to stay the way it is now, you could simply be a crossdresser - in that case, don't even worry about the transgender label because it has to do with identity rather than just behavioral inclinations. There are people who never transition and are still transgender, and then there's my cousin dragging it up almost nonstop who is still perfectly happy as a gay man.

You can be a straight man and into drag / fetishisms. That's completely normal. In fact the main distinction gender therapists traditionally tried to make early-on using the DSM was between transvestic fetishism and full-blown transsexuality. Of course, you're able to live your life on your own terms, and if you wanted to do anything "transitional" so to say I'm pretty sure you'd be able to find medical professionals who would help you.

A good rule of thumb, though? Go for 10 hours of facial electrolysis to remove any facial hair you might have and see if you're up for more. Transitioning is brutal, intense, life-altering, and 100% completely worth it - if it's right for you.