Just took my first dose of estradiol

[AnamethatstartswithE]

So this morning I had my doctor's appointment with a doctor who does transition related medicine. Since I made the appointment last week I've been getting more and more excited until yesterday when I just started feeling scared. I'm still a little scared, but this is something I need to do.

Everyone at the office was very nice, but I found it a little disconcerting that everyone who worked there knew I was trans. They all asked if I had a different preferred name, etc. I get that they're trying to make me feel comfortable, but I'm so uncomfortable talking about it that  it just kind of wierded me out.

When the doctor came she went over what to expect and what we would do. We took some blood to determine what and how much testosterone suppression is needed, I find that out on monday. I also got my first and last prostate exam, so yay?

One of three things will come from this,

1) I end up feeling worse in which case I'm not Trans, and I can move on with my life.

2) I feel much better in which case it's skirts and heels for the rest of my life.

3) I'm somewhere in the middle and I don't gain enough to offset the intense change this would make to my life, this one is my biggest fear.

Anyway, let the chickification begin.

[Laurie]

  Congrats on not only getting your hrt started but on your braving the office, You are absolutely right that the staff was trying to accommodate your preferred name. They are only trying to meet your needs by asking. You will get more comfortable with people knowing as time goes on and you will want such courtesies. Right now it is just too new for you. Believe me we have all been there. It gets better.
  I vote estrogen help you discover just who you are and helps calm these anxieties. It's difficult for sure but it passes in time.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[NoName01]

I hope you don't have outcome No. 3. That is what happened to me and I am totally screwed up. It feels like 2 years of therapy has been completely undone because the hormones didn't make me feel better or worse. They did nothing at all. I am more confused than ever now.

I hope you have a more positive result.

[sherie157]

Hi "E",

Congratulations on having the courage to take this step! For HRT, I'm only slightly ahead of you. But I've been transitioning for quite a while, starting with laser, electrolysis, cosmetic fillers, and anti-androgens. With every one of these small steps, I gained confidence that this was the right path for me.

Have you had any counseling with a psychologist?  I found a wonderful one, and she really helped me to better understand myself.

I've come out to lots of people and have found it to be very affirming. Every time it gets easier.

I wish you the best in your journey of self-discovery and self determination.

Hugs,
Sherie

[rmaddy]

I hope you don't have outcome No. 3. That is what happened to me and I am totally screwed up. It feels like 2 years of therapy has been completely undone because the hormones didn't make me feel better or worse. They did nothing at all. I am more confused than ever now.

I hope you have a more positive result.

The idea that one's response to hormones is the definitive test for what to do with one's life is a myth that I see reposted here constantly.  If HRT does not make you feel better, then I agree that it is not worth its (small) risks, but it doesn't make you any less trans.  Transgender is a spectrum, and whether or not you are on it depends on your experiences, not your response to medicine. 

I hope you and the OP find a set of solutions that work for you.

[Lucy Ross]

I posted about a really startling effect of HRT in the hormones forum today:  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,226381.msg2017648.html#msg2017648  It didn't confirm or deny anything, just took me utterly by surprise.  It's really the most astonishing thing I've ever had happen to me.

Tonight I was really angry about something, then found myself laughing uncontrollably at a TV show, which was interesting, too.  Ate a dinner sized snack as well... am blathering up a storm here....

Anyway, I always thought the HRT as diagnostic tool sounded a bit too pat as well. Not as unscientific as the COGIATI test - I've read how people have made serious decisions on how to proceed based on that.  That's just reckless. 

[AnamethatstartswithE]

Now that I've had a good nights sleep I'm feeling much better. (While I know it's physically impossible I can't help but be a little disappointed that I didn't wake up with an hourglass figure and a pair of "c's" on my chest, oh well) this early it's impossible to tell what's the hormones and what's just a placebo effect, but it does feel like the edge has been taken off wrt the dysphoria. This morning I watched a YouTube video that usually triggers me, and while i still wanted to be the girl in the video, it didn't "hurt" that I couldn't be like it normally does.

[RobynTx]

Now that I've had a good nights sleep I'm feeling much better. (While I know it's physically impossible I can't help but be a little disappointed that I didn't wake up with an hourglass figure and a pair of "c's" on my chest, oh well) this early it's impossible to tell what's the hormones and what's just a placebo effect, but it does feel like the edge has been taken off wrt the dysphoria. This morning I watched a YouTube video that usually triggers me, and while i still wanted to be the girl in the video, it didn't "hurt" that I couldn't be like it normally does.

I know that feeling.  Every little pain in my chest I get excited for. 

[jill610]

I'm in exactly the same spot, I just popped the estradiol pills for the first time. I'm hoping for confirmation but I guess we shall see! Good luck!!

[AnamethatstartswithE]

I'm in exactly the same spot, I just popped the estradiol pills for the first time. I'm hoping for confirmation but I guess we shall see! Good luck!!

Good luck to you as well. If you're like me you'll spend all day trying to figure out if your chest feels different.