On sexual attraction

[Larisa]

So the few people who know, a few of them have referred to me as a lesbian. That is a tough one for me and a thought that makes me kind of uncomfortable. Yes Im attracted to females, not males but still sexual attraction unlike knowing who I am is a different thing for me. I know Im female inside but as for sexual attraction, that is something where labels for it make it all more confusing for me.

I know Im like part male(physically) and female(mentally) although I do suppress it alot when I have to so am I a lesbian or not. Hearing labels does not help on this one.

A few people mostly who dont know who I am asked have I ever wanted a real relationship with a girl. Sometimes it's yes and sometimes I say Id rather go play soccer for example with the girls. It gets complicated on this more than who I am. The 2nd part is ofcourse true and I just want to be one of the girls. I dont really want labels on that, I just want to figure it out myself which is hard.

[Felix]

I don't think there's any predictable ruleset for sexual attraction with trans people. I run into trouble all the time with people who assume I'm a gay guy or a lesbian or some other well-defined thing. Stuff that wouldn't even be problematic if people weren't so hung up on gender/sex definitions.

I mostly like guys but I get pressured to be romantic with women. Idk what to do, and I'm never sure where to be out and when to walk away.

[rmaddy]

.
...sometimes I say Id rather go play soccer for example with the girls.

I do play soccer with the girls, and its divine.  Plus, I'm absolutely fierce in goal.   

[Lady Lisandra]

I'm not comfortable with the term "lesbian" either. I'd love to, but I just can't ignore that I'm not a cis girl. Homosexual could be better, as it's used to refer to both or any gender, but I like to think transgenders as a third gender, or somehing other than male and female. In that case being attracted to women couldn't be considered as being homosexual.

Gods, sexuallity is complicated. I think there's no point in trying to define and label it, and prefere to just be withouth asking how to call me. I'm in a relationship with a woman, I can see beauty in everyone, wheather they're male, female or anything in between, though I tend to like more feminine people, mostly women. The word that describes me better might be demisexual anyways, so I don't try too hard to fit into labels.

[James80]

I think these questions are why I'm so glad the LGBTQ community reclaimed the term queer. I'm FTM and attracted to men...and gay strikes a false note most of the time for me. I feel like I'm stealing another group's identity, I guess. But queer covers my orientation pretty well. I like people who are masculine. I've only ever been with cisgender straight men. Open to having a relationship with other trans guys. Women...not so much.

Explaining sexual orientation is one of my least favorite chores.

[Liv_J]

My orientation is complicated too. Bi sort of covers it though. @Lady Lisandra, wouldn't it be better to say "I like to think of myself as a third gender" rather than saying all transgender people are? Since lots of trans people just identify as men or women and are fine with sexuality labels like gay, lesbian, straight etc ?

[JoanneB]

I can't even begin to define myself by any one term other then "Fluid". Why not? If you can have Gender Fluid, why not Having the Hots for Fluid?

In my younger, raging hormones, days I had an attraction towards women and their looks. Not really a big sexual, got to get into their panties sort of attraction like guys all seem to have. Just the odd fantasy maybe. Yet sexual fantasies tended to be a lot more of me as a female with a guy.

The lack of attraction to guys based on their looks I see now as a lot more due to my internalized transphobia and abject fear of even having thoughts like that. These days I sure am attracted to guys. I am less fearful to openly express how some guys are more then just good looking. The shift in attitude does scare me. But.... I can't honestly say it is a major shift since I always fantasized about being a woman with a man sexually. Today it is a lot more reality since the other way around sure isn't likely to ever happen again with my total lack of sexual desire or attraction to women

[Julia1996]

I find this topic very annoying. Cis straight people have an extreme need to classify other peoples sexual preferences. I've always considered myself a straight female. I like guys exclusively. Before I transitioned everyone assumed I was gay. From middleschool until I graduated high school I was always the school "->-bleeped-<-". I really hated that label. Not because there's anything wrong with being gay but because I'm not any kind of guy. Gay or otherwise. Then after transition I was classified as straight by most people. But the issue confused some people. A couple of my sort of friends at the time were debating my sexual orientation.  One thought that since I was born physically male and I like guys that would make me gay even after transition. She thought the whole reason I transitioned was so it would be easier for me to get guys. I had no problem attracting guys before transition. Then the other one said that I was gay but since I transitioned I became straight. I also once had someone ask me why " so many gay guys decided to have a sex change."  Ignorant much?  People don't have a second thought about asking a trans person about their sexual orientation. I wouldn't ask anyone about that because it's not my business. I told the 2 girls that were debating if I was straight now or "still gay" that a totally easy way to get over being confused about it was not to worry about who I have sex with.

[KathyLauren]

The labels are all messed up.  But the reality is that there are gay, straight and bi trans folks just as there are gay, straight and bi cis folks.

I am attracted to women, which makes me a lesbian by transition.  I don't really identify with lesbians as a political action group, though I know that they are (mostly) my allies.  It is just a little bit strange.  I feel like I have parachuted in behind the lines.

My wife is in an even stranger position.  We have a good laugh about the fact that she became a lesbian through no choice of her own.  As my lesbian neighbour said to her (play-punching her in the arm), "Thanks for taking one for the team!"

The labels, messed up or not, are what they are.  The label fits me, even if there is something odd about the way I acquired it.  I am fine with acknowledging the label.  I just don't take it too seriously.

[Liv_J]

Well the simplest way to look at it is to go by your gender identity and who you are attracted to. If you identify as a woman and like women, you're lesbian, if you identify as having a non-binary gender you can use terms line gynephile or gynesexual if you like women or androphile if you like men. And there are bi and pansexual if you are flexible. Or no label and just say 'I like .....'. 

[Giordana Scorsin]

The main problem is: labels.

People tend to label ANYTHING, including who you're going to bed, even (and maybe specially) if they're not the person you're taking under the sheets.

If I can give you a piece of an advice: do not label. If someone ever ask you what's your sexual orientation, just be true: I have sex with people who I want to have sex with. Of course, there's the whole set of: YOUR GENDER + GENDER YOU USUALLY FEEL SEXUALLY ATRACTED = SEXUAL ORIENTATION, and that pattern works a lot for acceptance, understanding, getting rights and stuff. But if it is not working for you, just don't wear this label.

One thing that occurs to me is: as male, I don't feel sexually atracted to females, but as a woman, I do. That would kind of make me a transgender bissexual woman. Wow, that's long. And that would be a prision to me. I don't feel the need to be defined by that (even though it may be true), so I just say: hey, I like people who I like, and that's all for today.

Don't let others expectations on you transform you.

[Lady Lisandra]

My orientation is complicated too. Bi sort of covers it though. @Lady Lisandra, wouldn't it be better to say "I like to think of myself as a third gender" rather than saying all transgender people are? Since lots of trans people just identify as men or women and are fine with sexuality labels like gay, lesbian, straight etc ?

It would be politically correct, but wouldn't be my real thoughts.

[Dani2118]

I've always considered myself female born with a birth defect. That birth defect[testicles]has caused me a lot of confusion for many years. They've caused some lust for women but not enough to enjoy going there. My true attraction was apparent when I fell in love [not just lust] with 2 of my best friends in High School. One I was deeply in love with, but was afraid to tell him. So then I thought I was Gay so I tried that, nope, didn't fit. Then about 3 yrs. ago a medical condition killed the 'birth defect' and lust for women disappeared so now I finally know my real orientation.

[Roll]

In my younger, raging hormones, days I had an attraction towards women and their looks. Not really a big sexual, got to get into their panties sort of attraction like guys all seem to have. Just the odd fantasy maybe. Yet sexual fantasies tended to be a lot more of me as a female with a guy.

i think that this is similar to one of my biggest roadblocks over the years. I've always been attracted to women and had plenty of fantasies with me as male, but I completely lack that "get into their pants" drive. But just having those fantasies felt almost like it was disqualifying me as transgender even if it went side by side with the fantasies of me as a woman with mostly men. (Though I think the probably more telling thing is that I was entirely uninterested in picturing myself as a man with another masculine man. At least that ruled simply gay out for me pretty readily.)

The lack of attraction to guys based on their looks I see now as a lot more due to my internalized transphobia and abject fear of even having thoughts like that. These days I sure am attracted to guys. I am less fearful to openly express how some guys are more then just good looking. The shift in attitude does scare me. But.... I can't honestly say it is a major shift since I always fantasized about being a woman with a man sexually. Today it is a lot more reality since the other way around sure isn't likely to ever happen again with my total lack of sexual desire or attraction to women

I had a bit of a switch flipped on this issue around the new year that I think was a large part of why I'm to the point I'm on this forum today. I could always get by admitting an attraction to extremely feminine looking men to myself, but anything else just made me nauseous. But last Christmas I got a hold of a Gear VR (the cheap samsung one for the galaxy), and while it was entirely innocent at first (trying out games, the cool little Netflix app, etc.) the brain inevitably moved to wondering about VR porn. Which then quickly became an obsession with finding VR porn from a woman's perspective. All I could find for free (even if no one sees my cc bill but me I still don't like the thought of stuff like that on it, heh) was a single video where the guy in it was not exactly someone I would have ever thought to say was attractive in the slightest, if not simply find outright repulsive. Sort of wirey, tufts of chest hair, odd tattoos. Yet 5 minutes later I thought there was no one more amazing in the world. (On the non-sexuality front, VR actually was responsible for another far more innocent but equally amazing moment for me, as I was playing a little game that you are a female character in and unlike many can actually look down at your character model. I've never even finished the game, I just load it up and look straight down at "my" breasts wishfully. I highly recommend it.)