Finding post-transition guys to talk to

[CursedFireDean]

Hey guys! Sort of a question, sort of a vent. I know tons of trans and queer people irl, but as far as medical transition, I and a couple of them are "the farthest" so to speak- top surgery and ~3-4 years on T. I love having friends at all points of transition of course, and I love being a resource for people who are considering the things I've gone through, but I've really been wishing to be able to talk more personally with people who've gone through more than me. Whether a hysto or meto or phallo, guys who have been on T longer, done things like DHT, etc. And talking to guys on the internet and FB groups helps in terms of the facts, but I want to find people that I can talk with in person and can have a more friendly relationship with.

So my question part of this is do you all know of some ways to find people irl to talk with, particularly who have done more medical transition? I was planning on going to the Philly Trans Health Conference and trying to connect to people there, especially through the bottom show and tell, but unexpected expenses happened and I can't make it. The local trans group where I live (at least the one I know about) is a really bad atmosphere, and I don't feel safe there. Do y'all know of any other possible ways to find people? Or anything else like the Philly Conference at other points in the year?

Thanks

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[FTMax]

There are a few different trans related conferences around the country at different times of the year, but I don't know how easy it is to meet people at these events. I think it is easier to get to know folks online and identify opportunities to meet up with them in person if that kind of socialization matters to you. Especially PTHC, I know a lot of guys who are going and 100% of them have already made plans before the trip to meet up and spend time with people. I think it would be difficult to insert yourself into someone else's schedule at those events for more than a few minutes unless you arranged to do so ahead of time.

On Facebook, there is an FTM Mentors group. It's mostly geared towards online socialization but I am sure I've seen people looking for local or within-a-reasonable-traveling-distance mentors and friends. The last time I checked there were not a lot of completely post-transition guys there, but perhaps they're there and didn't comment. But that might be of use to you. I'm not sure if it's closed or secret. If you can't find it and would like to, send me a message and we'll figure out how to add you to it.

One thing I just want to say as a caveat (not specifically to you Dean, but to anyone reading this who is looking for something similar), because it's so rarely mentioned but I've always found it to be fairly obvious - relationships between people who are not done with their transitions and people who are done transitioning are really one sided. It's why there are just a fraction of guys who have had lower surgery who are willing to participate in open forum spaces. It's why many guys remove themselves from spaces about T, spaces about top surgery, spaces that talk about document updates and coming out, etc. when they're done with their transitions. It's why we have exclusive post-transition spaces. It's exhausting being asked for information and not getting anything back. So if relationships with post-transition guys is something you want to cultivate, treat them like they're actually your friends. Ask the things you want to ask, but also ask them how they're doing and what's going on in their lives. If that seems like too much work, then it's better that you just post questions online and get your info that way.

That said, I'm happy to accept friend requests and chat with people online who are looking for more end-of-transition info.

[CursedFireDean]

One thing I just want to say as a caveat (not specifically to you Dean, but to anyone reading this who is looking for something similar), because it's so rarely mentioned but I've always found it to be fairly obvious - relationships between people who are not done with their transitions and people who are done transitioning are really one sided. It's why there are just a fraction of guys who have had lower surgery who are willing to participate in open forum spaces. It's why many guys remove themselves from spaces about T, spaces about top surgery, spaces that talk about document updates and coming out, etc. when they're done with their transitions. It's why we have exclusive post-transition spaces. It's exhausting being asked for information and not getting anything back. So if relationships with post-transition guys is something you want to cultivate, treat them like they're actually your friends. Ask the things you want to ask, but also ask them how they're doing and what's going on in their lives. If that seems like too much work, then it's better that you just post questions online and get your info that way.

Thank you for all that info, it does help a lot!

As for this- I absolutely understand, and I'm definitely keeping this in mind (but good to mention for others.) I can definitely understand, the number of questions (especially repetitive questions) I get in testosterone groups wears sometimes, and with how little there is on bottom surgery, I can see how it'd be amplified for post-bottom guys. terms of actual information and pure facts, I'm definitely using the online groups for that. When I say I'm interested in a friendly relationship with someone or some people further than me, I absolutely mean every part that comes with being friends. I think what it is I wish for is that it's one thing to see statistics or accounts from people who you don't know, but when someone you have a relationship with tells you something, it has a different impact. I don't have any close friends who even pack, let alone are even considering surgery haha. Even having friends to talk to would be great, right now I've got friends who can provide support abstractly, but I think what I desire is people who can more personally relate? So even people in the considering stages like where I am would be great. Maybe I'll try to see if anyone in the FB groups is near me. I struggle to relate to people like that usually but it can't hurt to try.

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