Important lessons that you have learned?

[CosmicJoke]

Hi everyone. This thread is basically a place to post anything that you may have learned along your transition. A couple things that I have learned are that gender is only what my body has, but even deeper than that I am a free spirit. I used to have this picture painted in my head when I was much younger that if I was just female, then everything in my life would be perfect. I actually came to a very hard realization several years ago that this was not the case.
I feel as though the best promise I have ever made to myself was the promise to be the best version of myself that I could be. It kept showing up time and time again that most people in my life really did not care about this issue nearly as much as I thought they did.
It wasn't necessarily a good thing that I was surrounded with the kind if people who didn't care about my need to be female, but I think I came out a much stronger person nor having had the understanding that I really needed.

[Doreen]

Act like you belong... don't dart your eyes furtively to see if noones watching, because then they will be lol.  Walk into the restroom, head high, (Or Idk nowadays probably looking at your cell phone, distracted).  Whatever you do if you convince yourself you belong, and look like you belong, most folks will ignore you.

[Steph7]

Don't put something off til tomorrow which you can do today. Especially if it is something that you are nervous or anxious about - the longer you leave those things - the more anxiety you feel

[DawnOday]

I haven't done anything wrong. I was born this way. God loves me no matter what the bigots say. Finally, the reason my marriage broke up 40 years ago. I do matter.

[Transdude]

Sometimes you have to let go of people you love to be yourself.

[KatieByrne]

Being trans doesn't mean your life has to be 'about' being trans.

Like in my early transition years (2010-2012 ish) I was very 'about' being trans. And i think as a result of that there was quite a significant self-absorbtion to me, like i had to 'make it all about me' a lot.

I've read that this is a somewhat normal emotional state in early transition due to essentially living out the teenage emergence you were denied first time round and a need for validation is probably much stronger in those years too but still...

This was before i'd been to university so i really didn't have anything else going on in my life but yeah i think it's important to find a focus and purpose for your life beyond simply having a medical condition. Like now when someone asks me about myself I will tell them i'm trans at some point sure but it certainly wouldn't take precedent over my Computer Science interests.

[StillAnonymous]

I had always been aware of sexual discrimination and I highly frowned upon it, but it's much worse than I had thought.  I definitely get that "man-splaining" stuff big time.

[Pisces228]

Transitioning is not about becoming 100% passable.  It's about being 100% authentically you.

Also, all women, trans or cis, experience sexism constantly.  I didn't know how prevalent it was until I looked more like a woman and men treated me differently.

[Lady Sarah]

You do not owe anyone an explanation. Not only are they unlikely to understand it, but they probably don't really want to know, anyway

[Janes Groove]

The amount of ignorance about this in the wider society is breathtaking.

[HappyMoni]

This is a great idea for a thread, thanks! I have one specific, one general.

Wait for hormones to take care of body hair before spending a ton of money.

If you are transitioning, realize there are stages to the process. You can drive yourself crazy thinking you should be the put together, final you when you are really working on getting there. Accept being someone who is transforming and cut yourself a break. Learn from those who are further along and patiently help others who might be just starting.

Moni

[Dee Marshall]

I realized this one yesterday and immediately posted it on Facebook:

Men will look at you and say, "if you would smile you would be prettier."

Women look at you and smile until you have no choice but to return it.

[Sophia Sage]

I can make cupcakes.

[JulieOnHerWay]

Today's lesson.
I can eat a half a 12 oz ribeye and half a potato and not feel like a pig.
But tomorrow, back to salad and leftovers
Recent lessons.
No one cares that my tennis shoes are blue with pink trim.

[Kylo]

People can surprise you.

[Michelle_P]

Listen to others.  Really listen.  Listen from the heart, so you can hear what is in their heart.

• When you are listening, suspend assumptions.
• When you are speaking, express your personal response.  None of that "we all", "of course", or "everyone says".
• Listen without judgement.
• Suspend status.  We are all equal in conversation.
• Honor confidentiality.
• Listen for understanding, not to agree with or believe.
• Ask clarifying or open-ended questions. Further your understanding and clarify your assumptions.
• Honor silence and time for reflection.
• Ensure that one person speaks at a time.

[SadieBlake]

What Michelle said, I learned those things early in my transition, spending time among very process oriented women certainly drilled that in. Of course being able to practice it day in, day out is another thing.

Medical transition (hormones and now GCS) is slowly teaching me patience, vaginoplasty has taken more out of me than I'd expected and every day is a struggle to do a fraction of what I'd consider normal as well as a continuous exercise in accepting limitations in order to not compromise healing


I'm on my way in for a short 4 hours of making glass. Hoping of course to find I have a bit more stamina than I did last week and if I don't it's going to be a strong sign I'm not being patient enough.

[FreyasRedemption]

Wait and seek out the best possible clinic, instead of going with the first and closest one. Sometimes the best aid you can receive is only available beyond a couple borders, especially in certain countries, in which case plans to move elsewhere on a permanent basis tend to sync up well with one's transition.

Also, medical professionals are NOT always looking out for your best interests or even your welfare, despite their job description. The term "unprofessional" exists for a reason, and can easily pop up when the person in question has hidden, irrational prejudices. Also, trans people experience hideous amounts of said completely irrational prejudice, often for no reason whatsoever.

And also, be constantly aware of your environment. Can help tremendously when you're trying on clothes when alone at home or late at night, in case people who don't know that you're trans and/or would not be OK with it decide to suddenly return home/wake up and go get a drink or a late-night snack. And close the damn shutters if you have neighbours.

[CosmicJoke]

What Michelle said, I learned those things early in my transition, spending time among very process oriented women certainly drilled that in. Of course being able to practice it day in, day out is another thing.

Medical transition (hormones and now GCS) is slowly teaching me patience, vaginoplasty has taken more out of me than I'd expected and every day is a struggle to do a fraction of what I'd consider normal as well as a continuous exercise in accepting limitations in order to not compromise healing


I'm on my way in for a short 4 hours of making glass. Hoping of course to find I have a bit more stamina than I did last week and if I don't it's going to be a strong sign I'm not being patient enough.

Vaginoplasty is something that I really desire. I have already had a bilateral orchiectomy done in 2013, and I have healed well from it. Vaginoplasty is probably going to be a different story though when I finally get to that point in my transition. Though, I am envisioning it as going to be a good time for me to get rest.
It's just the way it is for us as transgender women I suppose, we have to work at least twice as hard. For the transgender men, it is no picnic either.
Yes, patience is definitely a virtue. Many times I just get these plans in my head that are only soon to be changed, so I think that's an important thing as well.