Posting, Moderators and site safety.

[rana]

Beth, Peggiann, Sara, thank you for your posts. At this point I will say that all I intended to do was just take some time out - I found that I was losing my equilibrium and starting to take things personally & becoming hurt & very angry. Not a good way to be & certainly not fair on other people.

Believe me I have high regard for everybody here.  If I did not, it all would have been like water off a ducks back.  However for a while it seemed to me an inexplicable & concerted attack by people I had regarded as friends. 

Sitting back and reflecting on things I consider that problems in communication were the cause.  I was interpreting posts according to criteria that I am now sure were not intended by those making them. And, I think that Dawn was doing the same with mine.  It has been said before, & Peggiann mentioned again, there are problems with the written word unsupported by other means to judge the nature of a comment.  Also I think cultures come in to it; Australia & the US are very similar in a lot of ways, yet very different in others.

I think it is important to consider the nature of communications, and when I have sorted things in my head, will be posting in PMS regarding this (not because I feel the need to "vent" but because I don't know where else to put it.

Finishing up, Dawn I like reading your posts and have always liked, envied and respected you - I certainly never intended to hurt you.  Understand that I am impulsive & proud and find it very difficult to back down from a position I have taken.  Cassandra, I never thought you were attacking me - it just seemed to me that I had just received a low blow THEN the ref jumps in & says no punching.  Of course the sensible thing to do would have just been to contact you and ask why and in retrospect its obvious that what you did was right & proper.
As for deleting my profile - it was the action of an instant, immediately regretted & I just did not know what then to do about it - it looked like I just flounced off like a drama queen - was not the case I was waiting till I found somebody to tell me how to fix it.

So here I am back to square one again - is a good lesson for me

[Valerie]

Welcome back, Rana.  So glad you changed your mind and decided to join us again.   

[Dennis]

I am glad too, Rana. Welcome back.

Dennis

[melissa_girl]

Welcome back rana. After I saw you had deleted your profile, I kind of started this series of threads related to people feeling hurt or unable to post as they please, because my wife was having similar concerns.  She is mostly off here though because this whole TS thing is hard for her to deal with and she just wants to concentrate on school at the moment.

Melissa

[Cassandra]

Welcome back Rana. I am so glad you have returned. DawnL is on hiatus as she is recovering from her surgery and needs to concentrate on that right now. You can read more about that in her thread on the subject. Again welcome back and remember you can always PM me if you have an issue with an action I have taken or if you just want to talk about anything in general.

Hugs,

Cassie

[Shelley]

Hey Rana,

Glad your back it's nice to have others from down under to help educate them from the north.

Seriosly though you're right about the written word without other indictors. Keeping things on subject takes a lot of the sting but even then it is easy to take things personally. I try to keep reminding myself not to read to much into what is written. Again sometimes easier said then done. A PM to one of your friends here can often help if your feeling a little hurt (hint).

Anyway welcome back dear lady.

Shelley

[Peggiann]

  OH Rana I'm so glad to see your post! Just so glad!
I think many of use learned a lot from this experience.

Hun... The only way we fail at something is if we don't learn from is. I look at failure to understand, or failure of anykind as failing forward if I leaned a lesson out of it. So think of it this way... look how many people got to succeed and fail forward just from reading and experiencing from this issue. We all have a chance to come out better communicators from having gone through this all. That the good news of it.

on the there are problems with the written word unsupported by other means to judge the nature of a comment.  Also I think cultures come in to it; Australia & the US are very similar in a lot of ways, yet very different in others.

I used to teach a class on body expressions and reading a person just from there postures and movement. I wounder  , If I can work that up for in the written word some how. There has to be studies out there somewhere on the subject.

Anyway Welcome back Dear Lady, I'll be looking forward to your posts again.


Big Smiles,
Peggiann

[beth]

Hello Rana,

            Welcome back!   

beth

[rana]

Melissa
I was concerned to hear that Sharie had deleted her profile - I did not realise she had .  Would you let her know that I found her posts interesting & informative.  Please ask her to return when ever she can spare the time from her studies as I, (as well as heaps of others here   ),most certainly miss her input on things.

Regards
rana

PS Shelley - I can take a hint count on it    
    Cassie, I most certainly will - I often would like to ask your opinion & help on stuff, but felt a bit diffident.
    Peggiann Thanks   I will look forward with interest for your post on meanings & expressions from the writen word, and look forward some day to chat with you.
To everyone - this just confirms what I originally thought when I first came to Susans. The standard of decency, helpfullness & friendship was more than I ever expected. I will try to live up to your standards

[Leigh]

  I will look forward with interest for your post on meanings & expressions from the writen word

Say what you mean-mean what you say.  Not "you" personally but everyone. 

  I will try to live up to your standards

People live to their own standards, they abide by the rules.  There is a difference.

[rana]

Hello Leigh,
I am confused by your post, are you addressing it to me or is it a general pronouncement?
The confusion arises from you quoting me, yet not addressing me.

I try to be precise in my English, so I will note your pronouncement as constructive criticism. I am prepared to accept people doing this as I anticipate it will lead to an improvement in my thinking & posting.

However, would you clarify what you mean in your first pronouncement. I regret that I am unable to message you and ask you directly to explain as I would have prefered to do

Rana

[Leigh]

Rana

This is why I included: Not "you" personally but everyone.  This is a good example of the confusion that arises from posting.  When I read something that gets me in a wad I reread it several times and sometimes wait until the next day to write a reply. Keeps me from smiteing my own post.

When someone makes a statement, they own the responsibility for it, good or bad. 

When I say I don't date men it means date not that I don't like men or at least some men.   Some people would interpet don't date to read don't like.

[Peggiann]

I don't date men it means date not that I don't like men or at least some men.   Some people would interpet don't date to read don't like.

While some others might wonder if it means you go around guessing the age of men.

That's why more words to explain ones possition and painting a vivd picture can be more helpful in most cases. The English words have so many meanings and ways of interpritaion for the same word. It can get confusing. Your rereading posts and sometimes waiting for a day to reply is a good practice I have adopted that practice myself sometime ago. It's also important to reread ones own post before clicking the save button.


Smiles,
Peggiann