Hi!

[EliCrow]

I'm Eli.

I found this forum a couple of days ago in a search for answers. I have absolutely no idea about how to properly introduce myself, but I'll give it a shot anyway!

I recently turned twenty, and only started seriously questioning my identity a short while ago. I wrote my first post and actually squirmed when I posted it, seeing as I'm not really sure I belong here. I was positively surprised. This is clearly a site full of really kindhearted, helpful people, and I'm very, very thankful for the support I've received.

I'm a little shy and might take a bit to really come out of my shell, but will get there eventually. I'm very much into music, from the gothic genres to the classical pieces. I'm agoraphobic and have a lot of daily anxiety on top of that, which has made me slightly socially inept (haha) so if I'm a little odd in the way I socialize, that's why (if anyone has any advice on how to deal with that, I'll be very thankful to receive it. I get professional help, but it's always nice to have someone who gets it).
I enjoy painting, drawing and writing, and have a weakness for old school vampire movies.

I have absolutely no idea about what else to write, so I'm just going to end things here.

Thank you!

[HappyMoni]

Hi Eli,
   Glad to meet you. You are correct this is a friendly, safe place. I find myself wondering why or why not as to why you are not sure you belong here. If you want to share, don't be shy, feel free to tell what your feelings on gender are. My name is  Moni and I look forward to you sharing more.
Moni

[Julia1996]

Hi Eli. I'm Julia. Welcome to the site.

[Laurie]

Hi Eli,

   We are all here because at one time, if not currently we have sought answers for our gender issues. That or  have someone they know that is. This needless to say, is a transgender support site and that is what we attempt to provide those that are questioning, hurting, or just happy to be among us. We welcome you. Come on in and get comfortable while you search for whatever it is you need. If you have questions, ask. If you feel like commenting on something you've read here, please do. If all you want to do is read the posts that interest you, then read on. Come on into our parlor , get yourself something to drink, grab a comfortable seat and be at home.

laurie

[Jailyn]

Hi Eli!!!!
     As others stated this is a great place to come for information, networking and finding yourself. Now your introduction was great!!!! You don't have to perfect in that or be confident in your conversing. We will never tear you down or bash you for being you. There is no perfect box for any us in here. Find yourself and be yourself, whomever that may be. Important thing is explore your feelings, get someone to help you, and find a network of people that you can talk to in person. You don't have be necessarily in the LGBTQ community to be here, to be welcome here, all people are welcome. So yes pour a drink and chill with us!!!!

[V M]

Hi Eli

Hugs

[Roll]

Hi Eli! I also struggle with agoraphobia and anxiety issues (and a host of other hereditary fun, yay!), and have come to learn over my short time here that it often goes hand in hand with these issues (or I believe in my case, exponentially complicated the existing hereditary ones). So rest assured, you are certainly not alone!

So, how old school vampire novel are we talking? Anne Rice or Bram Stoker?

[EliCrow]

You're all so fantastic, thank you so much for welcoming me with so much warmth!

I find myself wondering why or why not as to why you are not sure you belong here.

I think it has a lot to do with my anxiety. I always worry too much about weird things. "Am I supposed to post this here? What if I'm not and I'll look like an idiot? Would someone get mad at me? What if they do? What if this whole thing blows over in a week and  blarh-blarh-blarh~"
And then just the general feeling of having always been slightly out of place, which I've found that a lot of people here can relate to.

it often goes hand in hand with these issues

Yeah, I've come to that conclusion too. I don't want to get my hopes up that it is the thing that'll make things better. But I hope that figuring myself out will give me some sort of inner peace and help me gain some good ol' confidence.
I'm sorry to hear that you're also struggling. I know it's tough. Hopefully we'll be able to inspire each other a little!

In regards to old school vampires, I have the works of both Stroker and Rice. My favorites switch around constantly so I can't really pin point the one I prefer over the other. I'm just really fascinated with them, haha.


Again, thank all of you for welcoming me so awesomely. It makes me so, so, SO happy!

[Rowena_Ellenweorc]

Howdy Eli!

Welcome aboard.  I know you just started questioning yourself, and even if you realize, hey, maybe I was wrong, this is STILL a great place to come to get answers about all the important things in life. And beyond that, you might find yourself broadening your perspective because we're all a bunch of wonderful crazy different coconuts from varying places around the world, stations in life, genders, orientations, ethnicities, mental states, you name it.

I'll let you in on a little secret, my first experience with this forum was long before I signed up, and I searched something related to a medical condition I have, and threads from here were among the top ones in the search.  I was determined, 'I'm not transgender in the slightest...' (Also still in a period of denial but hey.) But reading the topic REALLY helped me. Eventually, I realized, well wait... Maybe I am transgender, I'd been questioning for about six or so months about my true gender identity by the time I joined, and then have only come to realize, I've been fighting the truth about who I am a WHOLE LOT LONGER than I thought.

So even if you do end up decided you align with the gender you were assigned at birth, its still a good place to come.  I hope you find what you're looking for and that we can help you find some answers.  And if not, hopefully we've still taught you something!  So again, welcome!!!!

Edit to admins: if this post shows up twice, I apologize, I thought I hit post the first time and it didn't show up.  So feel free to delete the copy lol. (I'm bad at paying attention to things, so I can almost guarantee I'll miss it if it does_

[EliCrow]

Hi, Rowena.

It's really awesome that there are so many different people here. And knowing that I'll be accepted no matter what I turn out to be is very comforting.

At the moment (following advice I've gotten) I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. I have absolutely no idea if this is real or not (it feels surreal), but there are just other subtle factors that make me think otherwise. One of the few people I have told in real life bought me a deodorant marketed towards men to show his support, and I have never been so excited about a damn deodorant in my entire life. It's all very weird and feels so wrong but so right at the same time.

Once again, I am so happy to be met with such open arms. It really warms my heart, not only to see how many nice people are here, but how many of them are finding their happiness. It's very admirable.

[Rowena_Ellenweorc]

Hi, Rowena.

It's really awesome that there are so many different people here. And knowing that I'll be accepted no matter what I turn out to be is very comforting.

At the moment (following advice I've gotten) I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. I have absolutely no idea if this is real or not (it feels surreal), but there are just other subtle factors that make me think otherwise. One of the few people I have told in real life bought me a deodorant marketed towards men to show his support, and I have never been so excited about a damn deodorant in my entire life. It's all very weird and feels so wrong but so right at the same time.

Once again, I am so happy to be met with such open arms. It really warms my heart, not only to see how many nice people are here, but how many of them are finding their happiness. It's very admirable.

Oh hun... know that feeling ALL too well.  Before I came to the conclusion I was transgender, (I still have a feeling there a few people who knew before even I did) one of my friends sent me a Slytherin tie. Felt so stupidly excited about what was such a simple thing (and also something she probably sent me because we all were nerds and had adapted personas of characters from Les Miserables, most of whom were male).  But then that subsequent feeling of it being wrong to wear it.

Gotta say, felt good wearing it though until I got in my own head. Glad you have a friend who is trying to support you though in your discovery too!  Always good to have real life people supporting you, and not just people on the other side of a screen. (THough hey, we are pretty awesome here) Go ahead and wear that deodorant. Try it for a few days, not just once, see how it makes you feel.  Experiment!

Go for the gold or whatever is the appropriate phrase here lol

[Roll]

You're all so fantastic, thank you so much for welcoming me with so much warmth!

I think it has a lot to do with my anxiety. I always worry too much about weird things. "Am I supposed to post this here? What if I'm not and I'll look like an idiot? Would someone get mad at me? What if they do? What if this whole thing blows over in a week and  blarh-blarh-blarh~"

<3

I have had a lot all of those thoughts myself. It's been a pretty big theme I've been trying to address with my therapist, as I have(well, had, it's actually mostly gone now) this huge fear that I was tricking myself and by extension others I've been speaking to such as in these forums. Ultimately I've had to realize that even if the feelings do fade in a week, or a month, or whenever, by the very fact we have those thoughts at all we absolutely do belong here. It comes back to something I've heard a few times now, in that the simple truth is that entirely cis gender people never question themselves at all so no matter where we end up we are still on the spectrum.

And not getting your hopes up about this being the panacea for your anxiety is definitely the smart move. I've read a number of stories now where people expect to transition and have all their problems to go away, but in reality the dysphoria was just one of several issues and suddenly the other issues find themselves untreated and wrecking havoc (depression and anxiety being the big ones anecdotally). In my case, my brother, sister, uncle, and other family members all have anxiety issues as well, so I know that isn't going to magically go away unfortunately unless HRT suddenly becomes advance enough to rewrite DNA. But what I do hope for is that as I come more and more to terms with this issue and hopefully maintain my courage to move forward is that I will at least be taking one, potentially major, factor out of play.

I'm a horror aficionado in general, and love older (pre-Twilight) vampire stuff. I'd even go so far as to say The Vampire Lestat is one of the greatest novels of the past 30 years in my opinion. Such a shame they tried to make a popcorn movie out of Queen of the Damned instead of trying a serious hand at creating an Interview quality film of Lestat. Supposedly a TV series based on the books is in the works, but I picture it winding up on FX or Spike and being definitively mediocre. Sorry, nerded out there for a moment.

[EliCrow]

I don't think anyone in my family has anxiety in that sense. My grandmother was agoraphobic for a year or two when my dad was little, but she got over it. I got it the good ol' fashioned way by stressing myself to the point of a burnout and losing faith in my senses and isolating myself. It was a stupid idea.
I'm really sorry to hear about your family. I really, from the bottom of my heart, hope that the smart people of the world will find a way to at least improve your quality of life a little. Anxiety is a pain in the A, but hang in there!

Like I said, I don't really have a favorite. They kind of float around in a bowl of "I love this", haha. Twilight was (in my opinion) a very odd series. I won't say that I hate it. It has it's uses. It's my go-to when I can't sleep.