Quinn's News from today. Divorce!

[billyjeans]

Hello friends. I came out to my wife about a year ago. Slowly, but within months after some hiccups in explaining things and some great advice from the trans lifeline, I just started identifying as trans.

Next the struggle, bless her heart. I will spare the details but it was a constant struggle as I moved forward. She reluctantly accepted some things and pushed back on others. We tried compromise, but I learned painfully that my true self was something that could not be compromised without severe dysphoria.

Dysphoria is a strange bird. In my experience, moving forward with a transition is wonderful, until your stopped just short of your current goal, and then it's crushing. I will never put my transition in anyone else's hands or use anyone else's plan without my consent. 

So as of about 7pm, I stopped my external transition and am only working on my inward transition. With no tears I packed up my leggings, jeggings, cute skirts, shorts and shirts. If there is a boy mode for transfeminine folks like me, as long as my undies don't show I'm in boy mode.

Maybe sad, but it is my choice so it is bringing me peace because I chose it. We are going for an amicable divorce so once that is final I can make a new timeline. Also, I must say that the town I'm in is not a safe place for trans people, so this will also give me a little more time to work on my hair and maybe make a close move to a slightly more accepting job and place. Then I can start my new timeline. And I have great gender therapist, and soon will have one of the best endos in the region.

Love any feedback on amicable divorce. Also, I'm playing around with a new name. Quinn. So if you have read this far and decide to offer advice or any ideas, I would have a feeling of uttermost joy if any of my friends here would help me try this name idea out. Thank you,

Love,
Quinn

Aka...
Billyjeans


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[Nina]

My ex and I had an amicable divorce. We went through a mediator for our divorce, but I made it super easy for my ex: I gave her the house, my retirement fund, and cash. I posed to my ex a dollar figure she could have today...or I could pay support for the next few years. She took the upfron payment. I walked away with nothing, but free and clear of any obligations.
Ten years later, I own another house, car...totally rebuilt my life.

[billyjeans]

Wow, that give me some hope for the future. Freedom to be ourselves is priceless. I feel already that I will be able to share a happy ending in the future as well


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[JillianC]

I also had an amicable divorce.  Things that worked in our favor.  Both of us were in agreement that we wanted to be amicable and neither of us tried to "win", we largely came to an agreement between ourselves and only used one lawyer to write up the settlement (she had a lawyer friend review it), we both agreed that fighting would only cost us our savings, and we had little debt and the only major assets we owned were the martial home and vehicles.

I didn't fight on child support and I am paying close to the recommended about.  I as able to keep my pension and owe no alimony but it cost me all the equity in the home.  She made out in the short term but I will make out in retirement.

Remember lawyers are expensive it doesn't make sense to spend $500/hour each arguing over the little stuff.  Try to think it through logically and not let your emotions get in the way (this is super hard).

Best wishes,
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Jillian

[warlockmaker]

As a Eurasian I found that my duties to my family precluded any transition at a young age. Having fufilled all my duties to my family as the eldest son, with 4 children and 3 wives, managed my family business to great success, a world class athelete. I finally transitioned at 64 and srs at 67. I love my new guilt free life. Transitioning later in life is so much easier and acceptable. Keep healthy, enjoy the love of the family, its never too late to transition. I am a living example of a happy member of the 3rd gender and wake each days excited to meet the new wonders that greet me.

Living in Thailand the TGs paradise, I am at peace.

[Laurie]

Hi Quinn,

   I wish I could say I had an amicable divorce but I cannot. I wish that I had because it took me a long time to recover from it and a couple other personal tragedies. I was never lower in my life. Now I am undergoing another. But that is my problem not anyone else's.

  I do wish for yours to be as amicable as it can, though I am sure it will still be painful for you. Keep the therapists number handy just in case. Something may become difficult for you somewhere along the line. I hope you will never need to make that call.

laurie

[billyjeans]

Things are still going good, we still love each other, just this issue and a few others. Taking it slowly and respectfully, deciding not to iron out all the details in a day, trying to take some small steps. Thanks for the love and support!  I love this site. Any feedback on the do's and don'ts of telling kids?


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[JillianC]

Any feedback on the do's and don'ts of telling kids?

You didn't mention the kids ages and your approach should be pretty age specific.  For my kids 8-10, we sat everyone down and told them that we were going through a divorce.  Both of us were in agreement in this.  Re-enforce that you are still a family and both of you are still their parents and that you love them no matter what.  You're still their Dad and Mom's still their Mom.  Ensure them that it was not their fault and that sometimes there is a disagreement that can't be worked out between a husband and wife and that a divorce is needed.  Don't promise them things that you can't live up too.  Be honest with what's going on.  Don't blame it on anyone.  Be prepared to answer questions regarding living situations and how you expect day to day activities will occur like who will watch them after school and basic visitation.   Assure them that both of you will be fine.  Mine were relieved to see my new house and got excited seeing their room.

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Jillian