new here

[redcutie]

Hello

I just found this forum and wanted to introduce myself. My name is brooke and I am in my thirties. It's only a couple of months since I first considered that I could be transgender and only weeks since I finally admitted it to myself. I always knew something wasn't right but I could never really connect the dots. It started with small things like as a child I loved to wear makeup or instinctively went for feminine clothing even when I was told otherwise. Or when in school we were separated in girls and boys I felt I belong to the girls side. When I was older I had these fantasies of being dressed as a girl and always felt so jealous of real girls. I had trouble to relate to guys and tried my best to fit in and repressed my feelings as best as I could.

After I got out of a bad relationship 6 month ago I was sick of pushing all my feelings and started to crossdress a bit. I was kinda convinced once I do it it gets outof my system and I see this isn't something for me. Well things went really different from that point onward. I not only enjoyed dressing and behaving girly I really felt alive and saw how miserable I was even though at the moment it felt kinda normal to me. I talked to some new friends online and they kinda opened me up for the possibility I might be trans. I didnt want to believe it but with time my confusion lifted, the doubts became less and I felt happy and comfortable seeing myself as a woman so much that only a look in the mirror could convince me outside I am still looking as a male. Since then I try to come to terms with the fact what I am.

I kinda want to openly transition but the fear of loosing friend, family and job makes me shy away from that. I came to this forum to reach out and try to make some connections with people who go through the same things that I go through right now.

With much love
Brooke

[V M]

Hi Brooke 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun


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Hugs

V M

[Laurie]

Hi Brooke,

   I'm Laurie. ((Hug)) Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around. I am a MTF transwoman myself. I am 64 (for a few more days yet) and did not know I was transgender until last November. Once I discovered I was, I went and got me some help by coming out to my primary care physician and through him I got started on HRT and gender therapy. It is highly recommended that you look into seeing a therapist and specifically a gender therapist. Talking to one at this early stage of questioning your gender can be quite helpful on figuring out where you fit into this gender spectrum. I know mine has helped me work some of my own issues out.
  I hope you like it here and that you make yourself at home.

Laurie

[amberwaves]

Hi Brooke,

I'm Amber.  Lucky for you, Susan's is a great place to explore.  I am mid thirties and transitioning.  Wife, kids, etc.  It can be a bit scary to confront the possibility of change.  However, its Not a guarantee that things will go poorly if you do decide to treat this path.  Fwiw, I'm happier now than ever before.  I lost like maybe 2 friends and only part of my family accepts things.  Talking to a therapist is helpful for most.  Talking with the other ladies at Susan's (and the men too) can be useful to see what others have and are experiencing.  I hope to see you around the forums.

Hugs,
Amber

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[gg]

Hello, Brooke.

I'm new here as well.

A lot of what you said hits home for me. I'm only just now coming to terms with everything at 52 years old and I did just come out to one person. I was always so terrified about even thinking of coming out to anyone before, but it felt so great. A huge burden lifted.

I wish you the best in whatever path you choose!

gg

[jujubes1986]

Hello

I just found this forum and wanted to introduce myself. My name is brooke and I am in my thirties. It's only a couple of months since I first considered that I could be transgender and only weeks since I finally admitted it to myself. I always knew something wasn't right but I could never really connect the dots. It started with small things like as a child I loved to wear makeup or instinctively went for feminine clothing even when I was told otherwise. Or when in school we were separated in girls and boys I felt I belong to the girls side. When I was older I had these fantasies of being dressed as a girl and always felt so jealous of real girls. I had trouble to relate to guys and tried my best to fit in and repressed my feelings as best as I could.

After I got out of a bad relationship 6 month ago I was sick of pushing all my feelings and started to crossdress a bit. I was kinda convinced once I do it it gets outof my system and I see this isn't something for me. Well things went really different from that point onward. I not only enjoyed dressing and behaving girly I really felt alive and saw how miserable I was even though at the moment it felt kinda normal to me. I talked to some new friends online and they kinda opened me up for the possibility I might be trans. I didnt want to believe it but with time my confusion lifted, the doubts became less and I felt happy and comfortable seeing myself as a woman so much that only a look in the mirror could convince me outside I am still looking as a male. Since then I try to come to terms with the fact what I am.

I kinda want to openly transition but the fear of loosing friend, family and job makes me shy away from that. I came to this forum to reach out and try to make some connections with people who go through the same things that I go through right now.

With much love
Brooke

WELCOME

[Megan.]

Hi and welcome! I recently hit 40, but started comming out and facing my feelings when I was 37. I recently started living full-time,  and (for me) this has come at a heavy cost of some relationships,  although I've also had great support and acceptance; but many here have had nothing but great support.

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[Kendra]

Hello Brooke!

I am MTF in the the Seattle area.  I started exploring my identity right after puberty pushed so many things sideways in my life, I stopped that exploration for four decades and then restarted.  At this point I have seen so much positive I can't imagine any other solution for myself. 

The concerns you mention are things I can directly relate to.  There was a point in time I couldn't imagine transition at the risk of losing my friends, family and the impact on my career.  And then one by one I began chipping away at my fears - realizing transition isn't one yes or no answer, it involves many details adding up to a gender spectrum and you get to define it for yourself.  By transitioning I get to discover who my true friends are and which ones were just acquaintances.  I am very fortunate (and surprised) at how well my parents responded but I think it's an important step unless personal safety is at risk.  Transition may turn into a boost for my career as I can literally bring a more diverse past and future perspective to my field.  The company I work for is very accommodating, but if they were not I'd jump over to a competitor.

Glad you're here!  See ya around.

Kendra

[Cure Bunny]

Hello Brooke
I know that you will know when it is the right time but we are here for you.


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[Janes Groove]

Welcome to the site Brooke.

I kinda want to openly transition but the fear of loosing friend, family and job makes me shy away from that.

Is that all that's stopping you?

But seriously, just about everybody on the site has dealt with those same issues. You are definitely in the right place.   And believe it or not lots of folks have come out the other side smiling.

[Roll]

Hi Brooke!

I'm in my 30s just really getting started as well. I hope you get as much out of this site as I have been the past two weeks!

[Rowena_Ellenweorc]

Hey Brooke!  Glad to meet you! 

Hope you find yourself welcome around here, and you'll find there's a bunch of us in quite a similar boat as you! Going through same thoughts, feelings, emotions etc... (Even us who don't identify as female!!!) 28 here just realizing as of almost a year ago that all my life I've been so crazy as to not realize that the inner battle I had with myself was just me being transgender.

Hope we keep seeing you around and you continue to find your place in the world and your sense of self.  And I definitely want to reiterate what many have already said, a therapist may be your best friend in traveling this road of self discovery, even with the feelings of losing people you care about!

~Row
(Otherwise known by a few names. So whatever you want to call me works.  Yes I'm using a female name on the forums despite not identifying as female... online identity spawned from one of my roleplaying characters.  Yeah, I'm a nerd... oh well. )