Does it bother you meeting online friends when they're in male mode?

[Christine_Hart]

So you spend all your time chatting to Julie (for argument's sake), the only pictures you see are of Julie but then there's a social event at which she can only attend as Jason. Would that bother you? I've known one or two people who've met 'girlfriends' when they're in male mode who've said they felt it uncomfortable. Maybe it destroys some kind of illusion in their heads. Thoughts?

Christine

[KathyLauren]

I have only met one online friend in male mode.  It was a surprise meeting.  I was confused when 'he' recognized me and I had no idea who 'he' was.  Once she told me her real name, I recognized her and all was cool.  Except I forgot to ask her her male name, so if I meet her again as 'him', I have no idea how to address 'him'.

The only thing that bothered me about the meeting was not recognizing her in drab.  But she was the same nice person that I had met earlier as herself.

[Tammy Jade]

Assuming this is entirely a hypothetical situation..

If I had only known "Julie" I would be worried about accidentally outing or using wrong pronouns particularly if I did not know her dead name.

It's the same issue that any friend has when someone transitions except in reverse.

They are still the same person, we all have had times when boy mode was unavoidable for a host of reasons, even if I did make me uncomfortable it's important to support them regardless.


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[Julia1996]

That hasn't happened with me but it wouldn't bother me at all.

[kelly_aus]

I met someone here on Susans early in my transition that I met up with regularly while she was in male mode. Then, as time went by, I saw more and more of her.. Didn't have a problem with it.

[Gertrude]

I haven't met anyone yet


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[Bari Jo]

I hope that doesn't bother anybody:)  I recently met someone from here IRL, and we are setting a weekly dinner date.  I like that, we can exchange stories and tips.  Both of us aren't presenting in public yet.  I'm still in drab till I get a handle presenting as myself.  So I wouldn't expect others to be completely transitioned yet either.

[LizK]

I have met a number of girls in "male" mode over the last few years and I always try to be neutral with pronouns and names. In most cases the situation hasn't been ideal for the person concerned but since it makes no difference to me as I still see the person as who they told me they were and no matter how they present they are still the same person.

[I Am Jess]

No it doesn't bother me at all and I've done it numerous times.

[DawnOday]

So you spend all your time chatting to Julie (for argument's sake), the only pictures you see are of Julie but then there's a social event at which she can only attend as Jason. Would that bother you? I've known one or two people who've met 'girlfriends' when they're in male mode who've said they felt it uncomfortable. Maybe it destroys some kind of illusion in their heads. Thoughts?

Christine

Us older folks have reasons for not going in public. We were always ->-bleeped-<-s and perverts. Many of us are married and have families. I've been with mine for 35 years and it's too late to live on our own. I take care of her. She takes care of me. I have made an attempt to go to support groups in order to spend some time en femme. Otherwise my male mode is in deference to my wife. If I were able to transition before we met I would be celebrating 40 years as a woman and have every surgery possible to pass.

[Laurie]

 I don't think it has happened to me yet but I would try to be careful not to out them, just as I would try to keep from outing a trans person in public at all.

[Rachel]

It would not bother me in the least. I would try to make them comfortable. Usually when I meet someone that is not out 100% all the time and they are not expressing they are uncomfortable.

[Devlyn]

I only worry about outing someone, not how they're presenting.