Feeling Alone During Transition

[loren1]

I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced this feeling as well. I'm 20 and I've been on T for a year, and in that time span, I've gone from not passing at all, to passing a little bit, and then in the last month or so, to passing almost 100%. I've gone back to college (I'm a junior) and I look really different, to the point where everyone I know is noticing, and is really starting to see me as a man now. Which is great, except it's making a lot of things change. My whole life, I've been used to just having mostly female friends because I didn't fit in with guys since I never passed, and guys never saw me as one of them. But now, looking so much like a guy, I don't really fit in with female friends anymore, and they are less comfortable around me. My friends knew me as a man for 2 years, but because I looked so female and sounded female, I guess it changed how they saw me, which makes sense.

But being that I never hung out as much with guys, I don't fit in well with them either, especially since I'm scared of new male friends finding out I'm trans, and not wanting to be friends with me anymore. Basically, I feel like I don't fit in with anyone, and I feel alone and like I have less friends, which really blows. I'm also part of organizations that have known me since I got to college and looked very much female at the time, and some people in these organizations occasionally still misgender me, and it all causes me so much discomfort, because I really look male now. People in my classes are also staring at me every day because I look so different, and they thought I was a girl just a few months ago. I feel like my social life at college and life in general are just changing dramatically, and I feel alone because I don't know many others who are experiencing similar feelings. It's like you want to start over as just being a guy now, but you can't because you're in the middle of college and everyone once knew you as a woman, but now sees you totally differently and treats you differently too :/

Has anyone had an I guess very dramatic transition and can relate to some of these things, or has any tips for like fitting in with guys more and being more confident around guys?

[WolfNightV4X1]

When I did have friends, I had a mixed gender group of friends, so I hung out with both guys and girls, the girls I did hang out with were pretty much non-girly people and were pro LGBT+ so this was never even an issue for me, your best bet may be to find people like that?

As far as them knowing you previously? Not much can help with that while you're there unless you decide to confide in a few people about your transition and educate them about it. Really though, I found the best cure for that weird change has just been a change of scenery.

Don't be afraid to make friends with the dudes! Especially if you find the right ones who are also open, non judgemental, and LGBT friendly. They will be less likely to freak out if they knew you were trans, and more open if your behavior isn't "manly" enough.

[loren1]

Yeah, most of my friends are lgbt. My friends from before college are all lgbt, and many of my friends in college are gay or bisexual, but I don't have many trans friends here. Having more of those would definitely be nice haha. But yeah that's good advice, I should find more lgbt friendly dudes to hang out with, I could probably check a club or something.

[CursedFireDean]

My entire group of friends is queer and that helps me a lot personally. I also really struggle to relate to cis people, women because they're women and I'm not, and men because I wasn't raised around them like that. I'm incredibly sensitive to reacting in the "expected" manner, and a lot of times I don't know what that is for cis guys. Honestly one thing that helped me a ton is that my (trans) friend managed to get housing with 3 cis guys. I hung out with 2 of then and my friend a decent amount, and it was a small enough group that there wasn't as much pressure to do the "expected" thing or whatever. And being able to watch another trans guy interact with cis guys helped me understand for some reason how guys relate to each other and socialise.

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[Kylo]

I figure it's part of the dilemma and the tragedy that this condition is. You don't relate to most people because they don't have your issues and can never understand them the way you do. But that doesn't mean you can't relate to people in other ways. They may not understand everything about you - but let's face it, who does ever understand everything about any other person?

I realized that people generally don't care to understand everything about someone, and it doesn't really matter if they do or don't. All that matters is that you get along and enjoy their company, and they yours.

If you have issues trying to make friends because women have a more social life and men don't, try starting out online where no-one really knows who/what you are. I've made great friendships in real life that started out on forums and the like, with both men and women, who have similar interests to me. People I go visit and spend time with, including someone I share a house with now. That said you will still need to learn how to socialize as a male for general use.

[MaxForever]

This is one thing I am afraid of when I start my transition I don't want to loose the 2 girl friends I have from highschool.
But they do have guy friends as well maybe we will just hang out still but see things differently. I have been keeping my distance from them for now because I don't want to feel awkward around them. I haven't started transitioning yet just in the awkward phase for a bit and waiting. But I do plan on hanging out with them soon they are supportive though.

[elkie-t]

To OP: you need to warm up to the idea that you're a man now and guys hang out with other guys... Start watching football and other sports (to have something to talk about), go to gym and start working out, but above all - don't cry over old friends lost, start making new ones.

To Max: people come and go, your friends might get married and move to another state, etc. So, you may lose them one way or another, or they might stick with you, you never know. But if you're serious about transition, you better do it sooner rather than later and start building up your new life (rather than being stuck in the old one because of fear).

Having said that, as an MTF, I don't understand FTM much but I respect your choices


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[Kylo]

If you have good friends, you won't lose them just because of a transition.

[Jessica Lynne]

If you have good friends, you won't lose them just because of a transition.

Perhaps... but those relationships definitely redefine themselves. There is an elephant in the room and it won't leave....it took me by surprise and I can't wrestle it to the ground and force it to go away. Is it me? Is it them? Yes. I've decided they need to hang around long enough and consistently enough to forge something else. I'm not sure that's going to happen with most of who I've known

[MaxForever]

To OP: you need to warm up to the idea that you're a man now and guys hang out with other guys... Start watching football and other sports (to have something to talk about), go to gym and start working out, but above all - don't cry over old friends lost, start making new ones.

To Max: people come and go, your friends might get married and move to another state, etc. So, you may lose them one way or another, or they might stick with you, you never know. But if you're serious about transition, you better do it sooner rather than later and start building up your new life (rather than being stuck in the old one because of fear).

Having said that, as an MTF, I don't understand FTM much but I respect your choices


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Thanks I am trying to go as fast as I can to get on hormones hopefully soon

[jagfel]

I haven't lost a single friend since starting my transition, not even people at work. I know I've been lucky but a lot of people honestly just don't care whether you're male or female, as long as you're you. Don't feel pressured into liking stuff you don't want to, everyone has their own interests and you will eventually find people that accept you as is.