It says I'm supposed to give my story.
I'm a 30-something single parent. I'm a gemini. I'm m2f transgendered. It started at age 12. There had never been any doubt in my mind that I was a female. Biology and society disagreed with me, but I have a female brain, and this was an obvious fact to me since before I was a teenager. I come from a fundamentalist Christian family, and this sort of thing is considered an abomination. I promised myself at age 13 that I would kill myself if I went through puberty as a boy, but I'm very glad I broke that promise. I was caught crossdressing as a child many times and I was beaten, screamed at, and threatened every time I was caught. I learned to hide it very well. As a young adult I felt lost, but I finally had opportunities to explore that part of myself. When I was 25, my daughter was born, andy life finally had a purpose. Just when I tried to transition, her mother left, and I thought that going through with it would make me an irresponsible parent. I raised my daughter, and gave up on all of my hopes and dreams.
My ex put my daughter and I through a living hell. I lost her for 3 years before I won custody in court. We just started our lives over again, and it's been very rough, but we are happy together. My ex doesn't come around anymore, but I make sure I'm there for my kid day after day. I'm still recovering from the 3 years of hell, and it's amazing that I'm still alive after what I went through. In April I saw a therapist for the first time ever, after being confronted at work by a friend and told I had ptsd. I found a therapist I liked that had ptsd and gender tags on her website. Seeing her changed my life.
Now, I feel like I've lost my faith, but I'm free from fear. All these things that worried me just seem stupid. I hate who I am, and I pretty much always have, but for the first time I feel hope that I can change that. So, starting Jan 1, 2018, I'm going to be a different person. That's my deadline, and I'm chalking everything up till then as preperation. I've told everyone that I care to tell my plans, except my daughter. I'm not afraid of telling her and I have no doubt she will be supportive, but I want to wait until closer to the end of the year to sit her down and talk about all of this. I don't yet know how far down the rabbit hole I'm going. Ideally, all the way, but even if I don't start HRT or save up enough for a boob job, I'm going to live, dress, and act however I want.
So this is where I'm at now. I used to think transition was not an option. Now I'm doing it, hell or high water and all that. There is so much to learn, and it's hard to be patient. I have to take care of my kid, and it's not easy with 2 parents let alone one. But, fear isn't going to hold me back any more. Neither is all the bad that's happened, or crippling loneliness. All that did was make me stronger, and I have all the strength I need. Now I just need some time to put some work in.
