emotional expression

[Emmalene]

I was out shopping today in drag. As I walked into a store to get a piece of pizza, some jerks standing in front of the place started heckling me and continued doing so even after I walked in. The clerk was nice and respectful and asked how my day was. He seemed sincere but I just smiled and said it was okay. That's how it is when you are raised male; act like you are too tough to feel hurt, otherwise everyone considers you pathetic. Looking back, I wish I could have honestly told him "my day is good except for the jerks making fun of me in front of your store". There is no reason to feel pathetic. I didn't ask to be born a boy. After 30 years of holding in my emotions, it is hard for me to undo the damage of holding them in, hard to cry even though I always want to.

[RebeccaFog]

      After years of inhibiting your feelings, you sometimes have to learn how to express yourself all over again.

     I'm sorry you had to go through that heckling crap.



Rebis

[natalie]

it sucks when you can't just simply cry...

[Kimberly]

After 30 years of holding in my emotions, it is hard for me to undo the damage of holding them in, hard to cry even though I always want to.

After a few days shy of 30 years of emotional ice and 2 years or so HRT and understanding and undoing the mess, I cry often enough for it not to be noteworthy. Er, as in daily.

So, ^*HUG* hang in there girls, just work at finding your true self and let the HRT do it's thing.
The light on this side of the tunnel is pretty nice.

Sand in the wind...

[deviousxen]

This is why I'd rather not be in my town... I wouldn't really like that...


I'm sorry this happened. Its pretty sad you have to deal with ->-bleeped-<- when getting something as simple as pizza.

[Shana A]

I was out shopping today in drag. As I walked into a store to get a piece of pizza, some jerks standing in front of the place started heckling me and continued doing so even after I walked in. The clerk was nice and respectful and asked how my day was. He seemed sincere but I just smiled and said it was okay.

Sorry you had to deal with that stuff. All too often in situations like this, I think of what I should've said later, and reflect on how lame what I did say was...

y2g

[Emmalene]

This is why I'd rather not be in my town... I wouldn't really like that...


I'm sorry this happened. Its pretty sad you have to deal with ->-bleeped-<- when getting something as simple as pizza.

That's the problem. It was a gay neighborhood. It just shows that even in open minded areas, we're still not completely safe from haters. I remember during the mid 90's, the neighborhood used to have the Queer Patrol, a group of butch gay men and lesbians who would patrol the neighborhood to keep it safe from gay bashers. I don't know why they aren't around anymore.

[NicholeW.]

This is why I'd rather not be in my town... I wouldn't really like that...


I'm sorry this happened. Its pretty sad you have to deal with ->-bleeped-<- when getting something as simple as pizza.

That's the problem. It was a gay neighborhood. It just shows that even in open minded areas, we're still not completely safe from haters. I remember during the mid 90's, the neighborhood used to have the Queer Patrol, a group of butch gay men and lesbians who would patrol the neighborhood to keep it safe from gay bashers. I don't know why they aren't around anymore.

The trouble with "open-minded areas" are that that is a general designation. The people who inhabit those areas are often enough not always very open-minded or even just courteous. Especially groups of guys.

And gay males are often caricature-like in their lack of acceptance for TS people, especially MTFs. Perhaps something to do with an even deeper worship of the penis than straight males have. The gay guys cannot imagine why you or anyone else would want to present as female. They are simply what they are and the imagination that there are folk who want an end to a penis and to have the 'right' parts for themselves is simply beyond their ken.

Crying is a good reaction sometimes. Maybe even right in front of them. You are who and what you are Emma. There is no shame there. Embrace yourself as you are doing. It will all come right. Hugs.

Nichole 

[Emmalene]

This is why I'd rather not be in my town... I wouldn't really like that...


I'm sorry this happened. Its pretty sad you have to deal with ->-bleeped-<- when getting something as simple as pizza.

That's the problem. It was a gay neighborhood. It just shows that even in open minded areas, we're still not completely safe from haters. I remember during the mid 90's, the neighborhood used to have the Queer Patrol, a group of butch gay men and lesbians who would patrol the neighborhood to keep it safe from gay bashers. I don't know why they aren't around anymore.

The trouble with "open-minded areas" are that that is a general designation. The people who inhabit those areas are often enough not always very open-minded or even just courteous. Especially groups of guys.

And gay males are often caricature-like in their lack of acceptance for TS people, especially MTFs. Perhaps something to do with an even deeper worship of the penis than straight males have. The gay guys cannot imagine why you or anyone else would want to present as female. They are simply what they are and the imagination that there are folk who want an end to a penis and to have the 'right' parts for themselves is simply beyond their ken.

Crying is a good reaction sometimes. Maybe even right in front of them. You are who and what you are Emma. There is no shame there. Embrace yourself as you are doing. It will all come right. Hugs.

Nichole 

Well I don't think these men were gay men, they looked like straight boys that probably worked in the area or were taking care of other business. That's the problem with general designations that are right smack in the middle of the big city. A community of rural conservatives are surrounded by empty space where as a community of marginalized people usually live in an urban district where all sorts of people who may not be very open minded will pass through.

Thanks for your kind words, Nichole.