My Journey Begins

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

Hello! My name is Jess. I'm finally starting my journey & I'm very excited... &  nervous! I have an appointment Thursday for HRT (MTF) & I can't wait! It can't get here fast enough! I actually had an appt on 8/1 but when I came out to my Mom she lost it & kicked me out. I then spent the last month living on the streets & as such I missed my 1st appt, which killed me! Anyway I'm living in a shelter now (McKenna House in Concord NH) & I have no family or friends for support. I was wondering if anyone knew of any support groups in the area. Thanks! 💋

[Kendra]

Hello Jess, welcome to Susan's!

Wow - I am so proud of you for keeping a positive viewpoint (as much as possible) after what you experienced at home.  You actually do have friends and family here, we are sisters.  I am MtF.  Some transgender people I have met are the strongest individuals and you are proof of that. 

My best thoughts for your endrocrinologist appointment this Thursday.  If you experience a slight delay don't be disappointed, they might run some tests to establish a baseline and to tailor HRT to your requirements and medical background. 

We have a Wiki Section you might find helpful, and also an area with links to local resources.  I see one listed 30 miles from you in Laconia NH. 

Susan's Place has some unique characteristics and requirements so we always provide some information to new members.  I'll add it here for you:

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Jess, I am so glad you joined and I really admire your determination.  I think you will do well.

Kendra

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

Thank you so much Kendra! I appreciate your support so, so much! Ive always wished that I had sisters!!! :') And I understand that I may not actually begin taking hormones Thurs, just the fact that I've taken the step is enough to make me happy!! And as for the positive attitude i learned long ago to maintain a glass-half-full outlook on life. It was the only way I could survive while feeling forced to hide my true selfescaUm, sooo... I have another question, hope this is the right place to ask it (I'm new to forums, period): due to a desire to escape before accepting who I really was, I became addicted to opiates. I now take methadone daily, have for almost a year, and have no plans to stop anytime soon... Anyone know how this will affect HRT?? I'm worried I'll hafta choose 1 or the other, & I don't think I can decide...

[Laurie]

Thank you so much Kendra! I appreciate your support so, so much! Ive always wished that I had sisters!!! :') And I understand that I may not actually begin taking hormones Thurs, just the fact that I've taken the step is enough to make me happy!! And as for the positive attitude i learned long ago to maintain a glass-half-full outlook on life. It was the only way I could survive while feeling forced to hide my true selfescaUm, sooo... I have another question, hope this is the right place to ask it (I'm new to forums, period): due to a desire to escape before accepting who I really was, I became addicted to opiates. I now take methadone daily, have for almost a year, and have no plans to stop anytime soon... Anyone know how this will affect HRT?? I'm worried I'll hafta choose 1 or the other, & I don't think I can decide...

Hi Jess,

I'm Laurie, I too am mtf and I think just a little older than you. OKAY probably a lot older. Unfortunately  some sort of escape has been tried by many of us here as we attempted to deal with the issues within that ate at us for feeling different. I myself abused both drugs and alcohol. I'm happy to say both are in my distant past now. The struggle is real. Stick with your recovery program and it will become a thing of your distant past also. It need not ruin your life. As for it affecting you and your transition only your doctors will be able to answer that but if you are not using now I doubt it will be much of an issue.
  We are glad to have you here Jess and welcome to Susan's Place.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

I haven't used since I started methadone almost a year ago; very occasionally I've smoked marijuana, but Im done with that now. And I'm 33, I wish I'd been able to transition in my teens but as you know it wasn't nearly as accepted then as it is now. But I consider myself very lucky to have a rather feminine body and face. I can't wait until I look passable and can finally live as the girl I've always been... I know that it's a ways out but I still can't wait!!

[Kendra]

You probably already know this, but it is always best to tell your doctor everything with your health background and all medications, both prescription and nonprescription.  A couple things that should reassure you is - privacy laws are very clear, and any health care professional should handle and arrive at a diagnosis objectively from a medical, nonjudgemental perspective. 

I used to drink far too much alcohol before I quit in 2003, I told my doctor about that - they ordered additional tests for my liver health and then I began HRT.

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

I am seeing a different doctor 4 HRT than my PCP. I am going 2 a clinic that specializes in LGBT patients& HRT. Ive been meaning 2 discuss my transition w/ my PCP but ever since my mom's reaction I've been scared 2 talk 2 anyone else about it. I know that my PCP is different but Im still terrified. Luckily I'm unemployed,and I have only a few close friends left that will understand my transition, so I don't have to worry about telling them...

[V M]

Hi Jess 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

Thanx VM! Ya'll ROCK!!

[Kendra]

Here's an easy, indirect way to let your primary care doctor know you are transgender.  Every time you visit a doctor (or dentist, etc.) they always ask about any changes to your health or new prescriptions.  It's so routine you almost don't notice but they always ask.  At that point you can simply mention your HRT prescription.

[Dani2118]

Welcome to our world! That unemployed part is going to suck, no money. You'll get lots of good advise here, we all have from time to time. Seriously, you'll have to find a way to earn a living, why?      Clothes! Make some women friends because HRT isn't all there is to it. I take it your pretty serious if your willing to get thrown out for this. Don't give up on your mom, maybe she'll come around one of these days. I'm sure she's freaked out too. Stay in contact as much as you can, even if it's not much, you'll both regret it if you don't.

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

Yea im on the fence about the working thing- I love working, been working since I was 14, and held the same 2 jobs for 10 yrs ( snowmaking & irrigation, made it snow in the winter& rain in the summer! ), But ill lose my insurance & my therefore my methadone (& now my HRT!)... A lso, my insurance pays 4 reassignment surgery too... So I'm thinking about riding out the unemployment til I can become the real me. Ive known I was a girl my whole life, so I don't have to think anymore about going all the way. Ive wanted it 4 a long, long time, and now's my chance! Plus, ive already got a LOT of clothes, shoes, makeup etc. Lol

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

Good call Kendra, I'll try that next time! Thanx!

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

So I did it, I called my PCP & spoke w/ him zone told him that I was a trans woman & I started HRT 2day, & he was very supportive! He set up an appointment 4 me w/ the Endo @ Dartmouth Hitchcock for a second opinion on the meds my current Endo prescribed me... Not that I doubt her, she seemed very knowledgeable& understanding, but a 2nd opinion couldn't hurt!! Yay 4 coming out, it's getting easier each time! I look forward to coming out & staying out someday soon!! [emoji178]

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[Kendra]

Perfect!  Completely awesome!

[Laurie]

Yay    JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ, Getting your doctors all on the same page with what it is you want to do is a definite plus. Glad you told your PCP . And yes coming out does get easier the more we do it depending upon who it is you are telling. You can do it and you'll be out before you know it.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. To answer your question, HRT and methadone shouldn't interact with each other as they are different types of drugs however your doctors should still know all of the medications you are taking as it may determine the test they run and future drugs they may prescribe. Long term, the methadone might become an issue if you desire surgery because it's likely to interfere or react with pain medication that's used to control pain after surgery. One of the primary drugs is morphine which is an opium derivative. In addition, the surgical team might have additional issues that you will  need to deal with if you are on methadone at the time of surgery. You should discuss this with you medical team and determine if it's possible to safely get off methadone and if not, search for a surgical team who is able to deal with the additional complications and risks that this might present.

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

Laurie- it is good. Felt good too. Now I just need to talk to my counselor at my methadone clinic... Have an appt with him 2day at 10:30... I'm pretty nervous... I think it'd be easier w/ a female counselor. A cis may not understand being trans, but she'd at least understand being female, lol.
Dena- You are correct. I talked with my PCP & the methadone & Adderall I take have no negative interaction with HRT. Cant remember if I mentioned it earlier but methadone DOES lower testosterone in males, so if anything it will have helped my transition... For now... That being said, you make a good point, as I do plan on having SRS at some point. Apparently opiate pain meds can be taken while on methadone (or in place of during, & immediately after, surgery), but it can be quite dangerous as the doses needed to break through the tolerance are super high... However, I fully intend on tapering off before then. I haven't used since starting MMT, it really works for me, & w/ all the stress of transitioning I'm afraid I'll fall back into old habits if I stop too soon, plus 'done works (for me) as a fabulous antidepressant, lol. I'm thinking sometime after I start living as female (once I'm fairly comfortable of course) I'll begin to come off it.

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[Kendra]

> I'm pretty nervous... I think it'd be easier w/ a female counselor. A cis may not understand being trans, but she'd at least understand being female, lol.

How did you determine your counselor is cis-gender male?  Some have transitioned to the degree where it's difficult or impossible to determine in a meeting and they choose to keep details private.  A few people are intersex.  I have found life is full of surprises.

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

How did you determine your counselor is cis-gender male?  Some have transitioned to the degree where it's difficult or impossible to determine in a meeting and they choose to keep details private.  A few people are intersex.  I have found life is full of surprises.

You make a good point. TBH I just assumed he was cis, reason being that I live in NH & we are severely lacking in diversity here. Sadly there's a lot of bias & racism here as well. I've only ever known 1 trans person my entire life... Well, that I'm aware of, of course... Anyway, I get what you're saying, & i shan't assume that again. I did end up coming out to him yesterday. Figured he knew me & my situation already, & that he'd be understanding, & sure enough he was! Told him I was homeless & how my Mom kicked me out, & had a good cry... He very kindly gave me some food & water & a couple cute hand-knit scarves! SOOO glad I stuck with him! Was such a cathartic experience!

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