Being Socialized Female 101

[steph2.0]

My go to is a sigh followed by "I'm very irritated right now".

How about a sniff and, "We are not amused." Channel queen Victoria. That'll show 'em.

Steph

[echo7]

This might be a little on the generational side though, as I see countless teenage girls, my sister included, say pissed off. Way more than I ever have actually. (My go to is a sigh followed by "I'm very irritated right now".)

Teenage girls are still in the process of growing up and being socialized as a female.  They do many, many things that are not socially acceptable for a grown woman to do.  As they mature and adapt to living in society as a woman, they'll be conditioned not to use such words.

Unless you are transitioning in your teenage years, I would not look to teenage girls as an example for appropriate female adult behavior.

[Roll]

Unless you are transitioning in your teenage years, I would not look to teenage girls as an example for appropriate female adult behavior.

Fair point.

[Paige]

I always found it interesting the difference between the way men carry books and women carry books.

Men carry books like they are carrying a football.

Women carry books like they are carrying a baby.

I think this also points to a significant way men and woman approach learning itself.

When I was just starting high school, I use to carry my books like a girl.  One day a guy I knew came up to me and suggested that it wasn't a smart thing to do.  He said if I kept it up, I would probably be made fun of or worse, so I changed to carrying my books like a guy even though I felt more comfortable the other way.

I never have a problem with high heels because I tend to walk more on the balls of my feet.   For most of my life I've crossed my legs.  Also I always shifted my hip out and put most of the weight on side when I'm standing.

I shouldn't be surprised, my wife is always telling me I have many female mannerisms.  Talk with my hands a lot too

Paige

[elkie-t]

 Yeah, I think many socialization things comes naturally. Change of posture and fair comes with changes in the body and clothing. Changes in language and behavior come with loss of social status and daily routine changes and changes in the hobbies and social circles we live in. I wouldn't overthink it - someone kind enough will point our mistakes to us soon enough.

As one friendly lady [emoji70] pointed out that hem of my long skirt happened to get tucked in my panties that were very visible from behind to everyone in that fast food restaurant. 🤦‍♀️


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[MaryT]

Unfortunately, even useful threads inevitably tend to fade into history.  However, some older topics are so excellent that newer members, especially, should be made aware of their existence so that they can be bookmarked.  This thread, especially the original post, is a prime example.  I keep coming back to it.  It is definitely worth pushing it to the front of the queue again, even if only briefly. 

[sarah1972]

I have actually asked a cis-female friend to be my mentor when it comes to all things women. She instantly gave me a lot of good tips and hints where I can improve.

We also reach out to each other with clothing emergencies....

And sometimes we have fun with it. I asked her about an event I attend in 10 days and her first response was "classy not slu****" (she has seen me both ways), then we debated the two dress choices...

I hop I can learn a lot more from her.

[Nova_Noelle]

Thanks for bringing this thread back up.  It has a lot of great tips.  I really hope more will be added (maybe even by me).

[Lucca]

o   When you bend down to pick something up off the floor while wearing a skirt, you never bend over at the waist. You bend down with your knees to pick something up. Again, no one wants to see your underwear.

•   Women cross their legs when they are sitting down. It is something most of them do unconsciously. They sit down and immediately cross their legs. Either one thigh over the other, or at the ankles.

•   When women stand, they tend to put all their weight on only one leg at a time. If you've notices how most of the time women have their hips canted when they are standing, it is because of this. Put all your weight on one leg and kind of relax the knee of the other leg so it is slightly bent.

How much are these primarily a female trait? I've been doing them my whole life.

Maybe it's because I'm so tall with long legs. It's easier to fold my legs into a smaller space if they're crossed at the thighs, leaning on one leg makes me look shorter and less imposing, and if I don't lean to the ground with my legs instead of bending over, my butt is awkwardly waving around in the air.

[Sarah1979]

AFAB here.

If you're a gamer, start playing the healer. The abundance of women in the role goes beyond the old women = nurturing stereotype. It's that the skillset required plays to the strengths of what women are socialized to do. You need to by hyper-aware of everyone's position, needs, etc. A good healer will also pay attention to their teammates individual quirks, keep an eye on others' emotional state and how it's effecting their risk-taking, know exactly how their friends are going to react in any given situation, etc. Seriously, if you want a glimpse into the mindset women are traditionally expected to live with, it's the best one I can suggest.

Another thing that I'm pretty sure helps with trans people of all genders is singing. The vocal techniques you learn when singing make you aware of stuff that you normally wouldn't think of when you speak. And that knowledge, in turn, can be applied to altering your speaking voice.

In the games I play online, I very often play a healer, and am very often sought out because of it... or maybe it's because of my voice

[Ryuichi13]

I would honestly LOVE to see a "Being Socialized Male 101" thread for us FTMs!

Anyone up for the challenge?  Also, I need to stop talking with my hands. [emoji37]

Ryuichi

[Alice (nym)]

I have been paying a lot of attention these last 2 weeks... and when I pay attention, I am observant... so here are some of my observations and I will add a few from other people who I've been talking to (I am sure they won't mind):

1) Women stand differently... not just the moving your weight... but they stand either with their feet together (touching together) or they stand with one leg crossed behind the other.

2) Women fold their arms A LOT. Especially when standing still... even if they are talking to friends... I was discussing this with 2 friends and it is not a barrier but a way of protecting and supporting their breasts and of adjusting their bra.

3) Women very rarely put their hands in their pockets... and if they do, it is their coat pockets. (namely because they don't have pockets)

4) Women tend to only wear skirts or dresses if they are going to work, returning from work, or going on a night out.

5) Women walk with their head held up high and even when standing around, they never look at the ground.

6) Women tend not to look around a lot when waiting. They tend to look straight ahead if waiting on their own. I was quite surprised at how much they resemble statues.

7) Women fidget less. - statues again

Now some observations from my friends...

8 ) Women take smaller bites when eating and chew longer before swallowing.

9) Women don't use their lips to remove food from a fork but use their teeth (more on that in a second)

10) Women will use a straw to drink if one is available - linking back to the last 2 points... it is to protect their lipstick.

So there's 10 additional points I have picked up on the last week. 

oh... not sure if this was mentioned

11) women walk with their legs closer together and tend to point their toes forward more... not always but on average.

and

12) Women talk with their hands at breast height but men talk with their hands at waist height

13) Women are more likely to use umbrellas and gloves, less likely to wear hats (I assume it is to do with hair).

For the ftm members...

men look down more when they walk, they move about more while waiting, they put their hands in their pockets, they stand (and sit) with their legs apart, they fidget more, kick their feet a bit when waiting impatiently. Crossing arms is more a sign of a barrier or not being content. If I think of any more I will let you know... my concentration has been on women but I've been trying to observe the differences between men and women while waiting to collect my daughter from school.


Hobbies...

I recommend learning Salsa but not this cross-body or ballroom rubbish... try and learn street salsa and if possible from a Colombian rather than a Cuban. Colombians use smaller steps and move their hips more. It will help you learn how to sway your hips and walk with smaller steps.

[Allison S]

Recently the biggest thing I'm learning for safety on buses. On a compact bus with a lot of people, one of those 2 pairs of seats up and down the bus.

I don't think I'd put myself in danger going on the bus lol but there can be awkward sexual tension and there can be a risk with that... Sitting on the outside seat to ensure you can easily get up at any time, is important.

Also, women tend to prefer to sit next to each other on the bus even if they're strangers. But if there's no other seat, sitting on the outside seat is a safer bet.

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[Sarah1979]

I would honestly LOVE to see a "Being Socialized Male 101" thread for us FTMs!

Anyone up for the challenge?  Also, I need to stop talking with my hands.

Ryuichi

I will do my best to think of what I can, but tbh,I never made a very good guy.

[Ryuichi13]

Thank you so much, Sarah1979 for starting this thread, Being Socialized Male 101.  Link below.

https://r.tapatalk.com/shareLink?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Esusans%2Eorg%2Fforums%2Findex%2Ephp%3Ftopic%3D241460%2E0&share_tid=241460&share_fid=50490&share_type=t

I'm sure that many FTMs will find it incredibly useful, myself included. [emoji16]

Ladies, any ideas as to what can be added to it?  You already have a great head start with this thread.  To paraphrase Sarah1979, I never made a very good woman. But if I think of something else other than this little bit, I'll add it.

Pay attention to fashion trends, even if you don't choose to wear the lastest one.  Right now, yoga pants/leggings are everywhere!  Even if you're heavy, it seems to be okay to wear them.  Also skinny pants, especially jeans are in.  No more early 2000s baggy-style pants for women.  The tighter the pants/jeans, the better, it seems. 

Good luck ladies!

Ryuichi



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[Virginia]

I always found it interesting the difference between the way men carry books and women carry books.

Men carry books like they are carrying a football.

Women carry books like they are carrying a baby.

I think this also points to a significant way men and woman approach learning itself.

Women carry things close to their chest rather than at their sides because of the "Carry Angle" of their elbow. An innate specialization of the female skeleton to accommodate holding a baby, it is common to ectomorphic body structure. As an ectomorph and having been exposed to prenatal DES, I have this sort of elbow. I had to force myself to carry my books like the rest of my friends because it was simply more comfortable for me carry things like a girl because of the shape of my elbow. Carry Angle also plays a part in the difficulty women have in correctly throwing a softball- a source of embarrassment for me in high school gym class.

[judithlynn]

Girls;
One thing I like to do as part of my daily workout is put the following on my 65" big screen TV and do these graceful movements. Really helps one waistline and especially the hips. Dont forget to put some small heels or tennis shoes on as well:-



also try this one too:



Great workout

[Sam1066]

This thread is amazing, it's crazy and affirming to me how many of the female things I already do (and as a kid, was self conscious of the fact that I found the "girl way of doing it" felt better), I think I got made fun of it but then again it was a long time ago and my memory isn't that reliable that far back.

Since I'm starting on the male end and like to day-dream a lot about moving towards the female end, I like this kind of information. But there is another part of me that kind-of hates it. Some of these are about social norms or culture or just plain biology or lack of pockets. But others are about negative stereotypes of women such as not expressing anger, or presenting your efforts to conform to standards of dress and beauty. It is the fact that I specifically don't want those "women are weak and must be cared for" traits that society tries to instill which causes me to doubt my own questioning. Maybe it's just the millennial feminist in me spouting non-sense though, who knows?

[SonadoraXVX]

Wow this thread is da bomb!!, yup I totally suck at womanhood. This thread provides valuable information. 

[Ryuichi13]

Girls;
One thing I like to do as part of my daily workout is put the following on my 65" big screen TV and do these graceful movements. Really helps one waistline and especially the hips. Dont forget to put some small heels or tennis shoes on as well:-



also try this one too:



Great workout

Maybe I need to find the male equivilant of these videos!  If any of you ladies happen to run across them, feel free to tag them my way. [emoji6]

Ryuichi

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