Is hating your body/appearance a requisite to transition?

[Charlie Nicki]

Yes I know that everyone defines what's good for them, so there are not defined "requisites" but as usual I'm trying to get opinions and hopefully people who can relate to this.

I don't hate my body, I don't hate my genitals, I don't hate my face, I don't hate dressing like a man. In fact, at night when I'm about to go to sleep I'm feeling happy and energized and super sure that I will go back to HRT to continue my path to live as a female but then when I wake up the next day, my mind "reboots" and I basically tell myself "if this body isn't even causing you discomfort, why do you wanna change it? Don't do anything". I look at myself in the mirror and I see what I consider a good looking man, I like my face, my hair (even more now that it's growing), my body looks good for a guy (it did get too muscular at some point and I didn't like it). I am attracted to men so I can really appreciate if I look good or not. And also people validate how I feel when guys hit on me or girls tell me I'm an attractive gay man.

My dysphoria is in my mind, it's more of "I feel like I'm more suited to assume the role of a woman, I feel more inclined to be feminine due to my personality and think it's easier and comes more natural to me and wish I was born one, that would make me happy" rather than "OMG I hate my body, what is that thing hanging between my legs?" though I have to admit that the 2 months I was on HRT I felt like I wanted to go all the way and be a woman already and even get SRS.

But I come to Susan's and I see all these girls who absolutely hated and dreaded being men and looking like men and the ones who stopped or detransitioned got major dysphoria when they saw their bodies going back to what it was. I stopped HRT 3 weeks ago and while I am somewhat afraid of losing the changes I got, at the same time I'm not really feeling discomfort per se seeing my beard growing back. I just see a man that I think is attractive.

What is this? Am I not trans enough? Is there anyone who didn't hate their appearance and transitioned?

[RobynD]

It's not. It may be more common than the alternatives (liking it or neutral about it), but its not. I never had a great deal of body dysphoria. Heck, i was a nudist/naturist most of my life so thousands of people have seen it all.

There were some body issues i had. Specifically i hated body hair, but most of my dysphoria was around not being able to socialize as a woman and all that goes along with that. I love my feminized body even more than before for sure, but my pre-hrt body had almost no aversion for me.

[Deborah]

I didn't hate my body either.  It just wasn't the right one and because of that I suffered from bad dysphoria for a long long time.

I don't think whether we hate our bodies differentiates between different types of being transgender.  I think its more just a function of different life circumstances and personalities and how we each come to terms with this difficult predicament.

[Bari Jo]

There are parts on my body I detest, like my beard, others not so much.  It's not that I hated myself and wanted to be a woman.  For me, the GD manifests as its all I can think about and then when doing it, the shame.  I've never been one to hate myself.  I can say though, once I accepted I am trans, and started hrt with the intention of finishing this time, I do feel way more comfortable with myself.  Some might say I'm being authentic, I just feel better, normal.

[rmaddy]

I didn't hate my body in the beginning.  I wished for another, but I was fairly ambivalent to what I had, and generally assumed I would be able to make do with it.  As I progressed through therapy, hormones, etc, my discomfort with my body increased.  It really ramped up last January.

I tended to consider my trans identity a predominantly mental/emotional issue, and dealt with it mostly through therapy.  January 21, as  most of you know, was the Women's March.  Being a good progressive and feminist, I made my way to the state capital, expecting that I'd feel a bit left out.  True, there was a ton of genitally based rhetoric there, but one sign caught my eye over and over again--the old standard reproductive rights adage "My Body, My Choice".  That line hit me like a ton (or tonne, for those you across the pond) of bricks, and I felt that it applied to me for the first time.

I'm still not hating my body, but I am treating it as my own vessel and rapidly progressing toward procedures that were not previously on the table. 

YMMV.

[Jessica]

Yes I know that everyone defines what's good for them, so there are not defined "requisites" but as usual I'm trying to get opinions and hopefully people who can relate to this.

I don't hate my body, I don't hate my genitals, I don't hate my face, I don't hate dressing like a man. In fact, at night when I'm about to go to sleep I'm feeling happy and energized and super sure that I will go back to HRT to continue my path to live as a female but then when I wake up the next day, my mind "reboots" and I basically tell myself "if this body isn't even causing you discomfort, why do you wanna change it? Don't do anything". I look at myself in the mirror and I see what I consider a good looking man, I like my face, my hair (even more now that it's growing), my body looks good for a guy (it did get too muscular at some point and I didn't like it). I am attracted to men so I can really appreciate if I look good or not. And also people validate how I feel when guys hit on me or girls tell me I'm an attractive gay man.

My dysphoria is in my mind, it's more of "I feel like I'm more suited to assume the role of a woman, I feel more inclined to be feminine due to my personality and think it's easier and comes more natural to me and wish I was born one, that would make me happy" rather than "OMG I hate my body, what is that thing hanging between my legs?" though I have to admit that the 2 months I was on HRT I felt like I wanted to go all the way and be a woman already and even get SRS.

But I come to Susan's and I see all these girls who absolutely hated and dreaded being men and looking like men and the ones who stopped or detransitioned got major dysphoria when they saw their bodies going back to what it was. I stopped HRT 3 weeks ago and while I am somewhat afraid of losing the changes I got, at the same time I'm not really feeling discomfort per se seeing my beard growing back. I just see a man that I think is attractive.

What is this? Am I not trans enough? Is there anyone who didn't hate their appearance and transitioned?

Hi Dani🙋🏼 I think this is why we are friends. 
We are in the very same mindset of being comfortable in being a male but know there is a female inside.  One difference is our age and life circumstances.  I'm at a point in my life that I am free to goes as far as I would like.  It's the support I get from my wife and support groups like Susan's.  That is my key influence that keeps me on track.  I know your heart broken over your boyfriend, but does your family give any helpful support or "in person" support groups or gender therapists?
Hugs, Jessica 💁

[Charlie Nicki]

Hey Jess!

I mostly get support from my friends and therapy. My family is supportive as well but I decided to stop sharing my fears, confusion and basically anything related to transitioning until I get my own head clear. I realized sharing my fears with my mom made her fearful as well, and it almost seemed like she took advantage of the opportunity to persuade me to forget about this. She's a great mom but she's afraid and doesn't want me (and herself) to suffer.


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