My parents are... well... I don't know

[ari-argonian]

I am 15 y/o, and about a 2 years ago I started questioning my gender. I told my parents I was agender, but since then I have realized I am actually a guy. Anyway, onto what this post is about: 
They always go on about how I'm 'so lucky to have parents that are okay with LGBT people' and that sorta stuff, but they scream and yell about me wanting a binder, and they get pissed if I use my actual name for things instead of my dead name. So they aren't transphobic unless it's me I guess. Seriously. I have a friend who is trans, he came over to my house and my mum didn't mind, she even made sure she was using the right pronouns and stuff... (>-bleeped-< I'm crying now) but she doesn't for me... And I haven't even come out as FTM yet. I was planning on doing a yesterday, only they absolutely blew up because they found out that I ordered a binder (it came earlier than I expected and my mum found it before I did) 
Help??

[Tammy Jade]

Honesty, and communication is really important.

Remember your parents have known and raised you as (deadname) it can be really hard for them to let go of the dream they had for you.

Puberty/Teenage years is hard on a lot of parent/child relationships and that's without gender questioning.

Be upfront about everything, if you hide stuff and get caught it will only make them feel hurt and betrayed, which will make it worse.

It sounds to me like they are grieving (in a roundabout way) hopefully that is all it is, in which case things hopefully will settle with time.

You said you told them you were agender how long have then known? How long have they known your actually a guy?

If they were ok with your friend there is probably a good chance they will come round it's just has more emotional weight when it's your child, vs one of their friends.


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[ari-argonian]

I haven't told them I am a guy yet. I was going to, but them they found out about the binder and while my dad is ok now (he gets over stuff pretty quick, but can be explosive, I sorta take after him lol) my mum is still super pissed and not really talking to me. Eh :/. I wish I wasn't hiding so much from them but I always either automatically say yes to >-bleeped-< like doing homework then I get too embarrassed to correct myself... and my mum seems to think everything is an excuse and nothing is an actual reason... sorry I went on a bit of a rant there <3

[azarath99]

Hey there. My advice would be to print out this thread and give it to your parents. let your parents read your unfiltered thoughts and feelings on the matter. Then give them the opportunity to give you a calm and thoughtful response. Chances are they will either realize that they are being irrational, OR they may actually explain to you the logic and sentiments behind their actions (the latter being more likely. Or maybe a combination of both). Hopefully this will allow you and your parents to have a better understanding of one another. Understanding is the first step to finding a resolution.

[Artesia]

Hey there. My advice would be to print out this thread and give it to your parents. let your parents read your unfiltered thoughts and feelings on the matter. Then give them the opportunity to give you a calm and thoughtful response. Chances are they will either realize that they are being irrational, OR they may actually explain to you the logic and sentiments behind their actions (the latter being more likely. Or maybe a combination of both). Hopefully this will allow you and your parents to have a better understanding of one another. Understanding is the first step to finding a resolution.

I second this.  If not for my wife and her prodding, I wouldn't have come out to my parents.  Printing this thread might make it easier.  Alternatively, have a friend you trust there to support you and maybe give you that little nudge.

Oh, and I'm 43, so it is perfectly normal to be afraid to tell people close to you what you truly feel on the inside.

To the parents, if this thread gets printed:

Please be aware of your sons feelings, this is hard for him as well.

[Tammy Jade]

I think it's really important that you parents know that you see yourself as a guy.

Printing this thread is a really good suggestion because as others have said hopefully as they read it they will have a better understanding of how you feel.

Remember the more open you are with them the less betrayed they will feel.


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