Fear of not passing preventing self from transitioning

[esphoria]

For me one of the most scary times was just before my very first appointment, with a therapist that full on was gate kept me but diagnosed me with gender dysphoria...go figure .

I don't have much to offer aside from personal experience and what worked for me, but of course results should vary, thats what makes life so interesting and beautiful

I really do think this is a common fear that takes time to overcome but once you manage to get your confidence up along with the mechanics (make-up game,movement,etc) the fear slowly starts to take a backseat. By confidence I mean confidence in who I am, its one of those things if you are questioning it others will too. I know its one of those things that can send you into a spiral but what worked it for me was the fake it until you make it mentality. 

It also helped going out with my friends or my boyfriend at the time. I have this one friend that could read me like a book and would push me just out of my comfort zone.  Having someone with definitely helps with the fear and I'd speculate it helps by socially reaffirming who I am. Either way, someone in your corner never hurts

I wish you the best at your appointment!

Jess

[bronese]

For me one of the most scary times was just before my very first appointment, with a therapist that full on was gate kept me but diagnosed me with gender dysphoria...go figure .

I don't have much to offer aside from personal experience and what worked for me, but of course results should vary, thats what makes life so interesting and beautiful

I really do think this is a common fear that takes time to overcome but once you manage to get your confidence up along with the mechanics (make-up game,movement,etc) the fear slowly starts to take a backseat. By confidence I mean confidence in who I am, its one of those things if you are questioning it others will too. I know its one of those things that can send you into a spiral but what worked it for me was the fake it until you make it mentality. 

It also helped going out with my friends or my boyfriend at the time. I have this one friend that could read me like a book and would push me just out of my comfort zone.  Having someone with definitely helps with the fear and I'd speculate it helps by socially reaffirming who I am. Either way, someone in your corner never hurts

I wish you the best at your appointment!

Jess

oh god, im honestly glad im not the only one with this stupid little fear. its just that im honestly ready to go on hrt, its just the fear of not passing is holding me back, so i guess the fake it till you make it mentality is the way to go. i honestly hope my therapist wouldnt gatekeep me from hrt, because that would just suck. its super weird, part of mes like "yes just pump that e in me" another parts like, "what if you dont pass, whatre you gonna do?" its really scary and i dont like that its a strong part of pushing me to transition.

[RavenMoon]

its just that, i want it really bad, ive always wanted it really bad. but now that im closer than ever, im just scared i wont pass. its not like im big either, im like 5'4 and i have slim limbs and im like 60kgs, im just afraid face wise, ill never pass.

I'm also small, about the same height, and with a small frame. Except I'll be 60 in a couple of months, so I have to watch my diet!

Body wise I'm not bad at all. Even my best friend, who's a cis female will tell me how feminine my legs and feet are. Lol.

But that all ends at my face. Even with makeup I don't think I'm passable, unless I'm in a darkly lit club lol. But yet, I'm "mis gendered" by people who first see me as female and then realize I'm not. So they apologize profusely. And I don't dress as a women. Just an androgynous look.

You're young, so if you start on HRT now it should help. And with Asian features you probably don't need much, or any, FFS.

That's what's holding up my transition. That and facial hair removal. [emoji53]




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[bronese]

I'm also small, about the same height, and with a small frame. Except I'll be 60 in a couple of months, so I have to watch my diet!

Body wise I'm not bad at all. Even my best friend, who's a cis female will tell me how feminine my legs and feet are. Lol.

But that all ends at my face. Even with makeup I don't think I'm passable, unless I'm in a darkly lit club lol. But yet, I'm "mis gendered" by people who first see me as female and then realize I'm not. So they apologize profusely. And I don't dress as a women. Just an androgynous look.

You're young, so if you start on HRT now it should help. And with Asian features you probably don't need much, or any, FFS.

That's what's holding up my transition. That and facial hair removal. [emoji53]




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

honestly it's all down to the face on me and its super masterialistic of me to think like that, i hate it but its how i feel. ive honestly never put FFS out of my head and GRS is something im honestly looking forwards to, it just hurts to know that i might not pass and its scary.

[Devlyn]

although ive felt the need to transition since i was really young, ive only crossdressed just once like 3 years ago, i honestly wouldnt mind trying hrt to see if i pass or not though.

You need to be realistic. At some point, somewhere, with somebody, you're not going to pass. HRT is the least likely of any reason to be the cause of that.

Hugs, Devlyn

[bronese]

You need to be realistic. At some point, somewhere, with somebody, you're not going to pass. HRT is the least likely of any reason to be the cause of that.

Hugs, Devlyn

its not that i want to have people see me pass, its myself. i want to be able to look into a mirror and tell myself ive passed and i guess thats all that matters, to me at least. i know i need to be realistic, im honestly trying to be, but its just hard.

[esphoria]

oh god, im honestly glad im not the only one with this stupid little fear. its just that im honestly ready to go on hrt, its just the fear of not passing is holding me back, so i guess the fake it till you make it mentality is the way to go. i honestly hope my therapist wouldnt gatekeep me from hrt, because that would just suck. its super weird, part of mes like "yes just pump that e in me" another parts like, "what if you dont pass, whatre you gonna do?" its really scary and i dont like that its a strong part of pushing me to transition.

Don't be afraid to take you time coming to a conclusion though, even if HRT might be the right choice you don't want to start it until you are ready. everyone is different and have hurdles to overcome and this is one of those things that doesn't really have a timeline.. Take advantage of all the resources you have available, Do research, learn the procedures and drugs so you can be prepared so if/when you are ready to take the next step you understand what to expect.

As many have said before this isn't a sprint or some magic pill, it takes time and you'll have to fight for it at times. Just take it at your own pace and be as prepared as possible.

[bronese]

Don't be afraid to take you time coming to a conclusion though, even if HRT might be the right choice you don't want to start it until you are ready. everyone is different and have hurdles to overcome and this is one of those things that doesn't really have a timeline.. Take advantage of all the resources you have available, Do research, learn the procedures and drugs so you can be prepared so if/when you are ready to take the next step you understand what to expect.

As many have said before this isn't a sprint or some magic pill, it takes time and you'll have to fight for it at times. Just take it at your own pace and be as prepared as possible.

i feel like im honestly mentally prepared to start hrt once im ready to let go of the fact that i just want to pass.

[elkie-t]

It's all about finding your style. I would mentally know I'm not passable, but when I am fully made up and ready to go, I can see my inner female looking back from the mirror. It wasn't always the case, it took practice and failures happened quite often even after first successes (different light, morning vs evening, etc). It comes with practice easier and easier, but don't be obsessed with minor imperfections in your mirror.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[bronese]

It's all about finding your style. I would mentally know I'm not passable, but when I am fully made up and ready to go, I can see my inner female looking back from the mirror. It wasn't always the case, it took practice and failures happened quite often even after first successes (different light, morning vs evening, etc). It comes with practice easier and easier, but don't be obsessed with minor imperfections in your mirror.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

well i guess all i can do now is to talk to my therapist and start hrt ASAP and see how it goes huh, literally just wing it.

[bronese]

It's all about finding your style. I would mentally know I'm not passable, but when I am fully made up and ready to go, I can see my inner female looking back from the mirror. It wasn't always the case, it took practice and failures happened quite often even after first successes (different light, morning vs evening, etc). It comes with practice easier and easier, but don't be obsessed with minor imperfections in your mirror.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

well i guess all i can do now is to talk to my therapist and start hrt ASAP and see how it goes huh, literally just wing it.

[elkie-t]

well i guess all i can do now is to talk to my therapist and start hrt ASAP and see how it goes huh, literally just wing it.

You can do a lot more. You can come out. You can plan for your life as a female. You can sign up for a beauty school and learn things about makeup. Or learn to sew (which is highly useful skill for anyone). You can style your hair (and get highlights). You can start dressing androgynous or wore skirts/dresses publicly anywhere you go. You can start cleaning your face from any beard/mustache. You can do a lot before starting hormones as our British sisters have to prove (unfortunately).

Btw, there _will_ be a period when HRT kicks in and your body starts changes when you will be questioned a lot by people who know you. If you aren't comfortable coming out now, do you have a plan how to deal with it when you grow your own breasts?

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

Welcome, Sister! This place is absolutely wonderful. I just started HRT on Thursday & everyone's been so kind & caring, & helpful w/ my many questions. You are definitely in the right place! Being new to the journey myself, I don't have a lot of knowledge to share, but perhaps you will feel somewhat reassured to know that the way you're feeling is perfectly natural. I felt the same way for a long time. Whenever I looked in the mirror all I could see was an ugly, hairy man. After a lot of research on feminizing hormones & surgeries I learned that there were a LOT of options, & i decided to finally go for it. I gradually began to feel more confident in my decision, which also gave me confidence in myself; & now, when I look in the mirror, I can see that I actually have rather feminine features, & I can't WAIT to see these develop over the next few months!! I don't know if this will work for you, but maybe give it a shot! At the very least you'll realize that HRT is just the tip of the iceberg! And no matter what happens, just try & stay positive!
Much love! -Jessi

Sent from my Z799VL using Tapatalk

[bronese]

Welcome, Sister! This place is absolutely wonderful. I just started HRT on Thursday & everyone's been so kind & caring, & helpful w/ my many questions. You are definitely in the right place! Being new to the journey myself, I don't have a lot of knowledge to share, but perhaps you will feel somewhat reassured to know that the way you're feeling is perfectly natural. I felt the same way for a long time. Whenever I looked in the mirror all I could see was an ugly, hairy man. After a lot of research on feminizing hormones & surgeries I learned that there were a LOT of options, & i decided to finally go for it. I gradually began to feel more confident in my decision, which also gave me confidence in myself; & now, when I look in the mirror, I can see that I actually have rather feminine features, & I can't WAIT to see these develop over the next few months!! I don't know if this will work for you, but maybe give it a shot! At the very least you'll realize that HRT is just the tip of the iceberg! And no matter what happens, just try & stay positive!
Much love! -Jessi

Sent from my Z799VL using Tapatalk

Thank you for all the support, and im glad youre happy with how you look like, but honestly, i dont exactly think ill pass even though im asian and im still young, all i can hope for is that my body is susceptible to estrogen and my body just flips. so yea, im probably gonna give hrt a shot because its something ive always wanted and probably always will want, might as well get it over with now than regret it later, right?

[KathyLauren]

i want to be able to look into a mirror and tell myself ive passed

This might be an unrealistic ambition.  Passing implies that someone else wil not guess your history when they look at you.  When you look in the mirror, you already know your history.  You can only judge whether or not you pass by noticing other people's reactions to you.

[bronese]

This might be an unrealistic ambition.  Passing implies that someone else wil not guess your history when they look at you.  When you look in the mirror, you already know your history.  You can only judge whether or not you pass by noticing other people's reactions to you.

well that is a fair point, i guess the only choice i have is to just begin hrt and just see where it brings me.

[Cindy]

I'm worried when people look upon HRT as some miracle elixir. HRT does subtle changes over a period of time. Yes it does or can affect you quite quickly but that is mainly a mental change. The physical changes if any can take some time and can be very variable.

I think there is an unreal expectation, yes it does help, yes it is wonderful but it doesn't replace hard work and effort.

I doubt that I could easily pass as a man anymore but that is 7 years of HRT, grooming, practice and effort.  I can and do pass as a woman, after all I am one.

That is the 'secret' of passing.

Being yourself.

So stop worrying about HRT and be you.

[bronese]

I'm worried when people look upon HRT as some miracle elixir. HRT does subtle changes over a period of time. Yes it does or can affect you quite quickly but that is mainly a mental change. The physical changes if any can take some time and can be very variable.

I think there is an unreal expectation, yes it does help, yes it is wonderful but it doesn't replace hard work and effort.

I doubt that I could easily pass as a man anymore but that is 7 years of HRT, grooming, practice and effort.  I can and do pass as a woman, after all I am one.

That is the 'secret' of passing.

Being yourself.

So stop worrying about HRT and be you.

yes i get it, thank you for all these supportive words.

[amandam]

If you make an effort to be a "real girl", it will work out. People may notice you are trans, but if you have put in the effort, there will be more acceptance, maybe total acceptance. If you didn't care, and were a hairy, lurching, manly beast in a dress, well, that's not a good effort and the public's acceptance will be a fraction of what it should be. It's just our society, they expect a certain amount compliance with the status quo. Put in the effort, and I think you'll be pleased.

[bronese]

If you make an effort to be a "real girl", it will work out. People may notice you are trans, but if you have put in the effort, there will be more acceptance, maybe total acceptance. If you didn't care, and were a hairy, lurching, manly beast in a dress, well, that's not a good effort and the public's acceptance will be a fraction of what it should be. It's just our society, they expect a certain amount compliance with the status quo. Put in the effort, and I think you'll be pleased.

ill honestly put in a lot of effort regardless if i pass or not, i pretty much base myself on nothing but vanity, although unhealthy can help me get by things easier and i feel like hrt can help me get something ive wanted for a long long time, which is transitioning.