Doubt.. Or lack of.

[Megan.]

I took a very slow and incremental journey to going full-time. All the way my confidence that full-time was the right move slowly increased to the point I was 95+% sure it would be the right thing.
I started my RLE,  and it was and still is a very positive thing,  but at the start pre-hrt,  I was still quite open that if things weren't right,  I'd go back,  and I always felt having that little slice of doubt was quite healthy.
Now 4 months on HRT,  my feelings are 100% that I never want to go back. It seems silly, but I'm concerned that I'm feeling this way,  I've never felt so certain about anything in my life.
I'm curious how confident others feel about their decision to transition,  and if that confidence has changed over time?

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[Julia1996]

I was totally sure transitioning was what I needed to do. I've never regretted it and would never ever go back. But I still had worries and doubts when I first transitioned.  Would I be pretty or even passable, how would people react to me and treat me, would I ever find a guy who would accept me as a female, etc. I think we all have those concerns in the beggining no matter how much we want to transition.

[Tammy Jade]

When I finally went from blockers to full HRT I had quite a lot of doubts for the first few weeks.

Once things settled down and I went back to work as my new self & went full time the doubts slowly disappeared and I would never go back.

My gender specialist told me it's perfectly normal to have doubts in the beginning and that really help me process them.


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[Bari Jo]

I've had plenty of doubt and shame.  It's one reason this is my third attempt at transitioning.  When on hormones, your GD becomes almost bill and the doubt then can resurface.  Also it's a slow process, so when you don't see changes, the doubt can resurface too.  I'm pretty sure I will stay on hrt this time.  My GD was scary strong just before deciding to make another go at transitioning.  I'd rather have doubts than go through that again.

[Julia1996]

I've had plenty of doubt and shame.  It's one reason this is my third attempt at transitioning.  When on hormones, your GD becomes almost bill and the doubt then can resurface.  Also it's a slow process, so when you don't see changes, the doubt can resurface too.  I'm pretty sure I will stay on hrt this time.  My GD was scary strong just before deciding to make another go at transitioning.  I'd rather have doubts than go through that again.

Shame is something I have never had about being trans. I absolutely REFUSE to be ashamed of being trans. It's something I can't help. If someone says anything to me about being ashamed of being trans I get totally hostile and very mean. My uncle and mother both learned that the hard way.

[davina61]

Well been slowly pushing towards RLE that's planed to start in5 or 6 weeks time, deed poll awaiting completion. Waiting for someone to come back off hols to see about a decent wig. Still waiting on blood test for HRT. Doubts yes sometimes with face and voice but the closer I get the more I need to. Planning on clothes, boots and shoes shopping on Monday so I will have winter outfits, sales on in Evans so some nice gear will help (me look more female)

[Bari Jo]

Shame is something I have never had about being trans. I absolutely REFUSE to be ashamed of being trans. It's something I can't help. If someone says anything to me about being ashamed of being trans I get totally hostile and very mean. My uncle and mother both learned that the hard way.

This is a very different time Julia.  It is great that having avenues of acceptance are there.  When I was first asked about transitioning I was actually younger than you, and I had support of both parents.  However. That was it, the rest of the school, town, world all felt like they were not supporting anything remotely like that.  That's the way it was back then.  I'm from a conservative state, and grew up on a military base if that gives any indication.  I do applaud the girls that were able to transitionback then.  It was way scary for me to even consider.  Of course it was always still on my mind too which was torture,, since everything outside your parents you see, hear, feel is enforcing the opposite and making you feel subhuman for having those thoughts or worse acting on them.

I had a lot to work through, wish I didn't, but am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  So yes, doubt and shame, check.  I hope they are going away!

[Deborah]

My parents just told me I was crazy and after threatening to put me in a mental institution sent me away to military school when I was 13.  So yeah, that was a different time in a different environment.

[rmaddy]

My parents just told me I was crazy and after threatening to put me in a mental institution sent me away to military school when I was 13.  So yeah, that was a different time in a different environment.

Mine only told me I was fooling no one and that I was ruining my children's lives.  I guess I got off easy.

[Bari Jo]

My parents just told me I was crazy and after threatening to put me in a mental institution sent me away to military school when I was 13.  So yeah, that was a different time in a different environment.

Heh, I might have well been in military school, I know the whole mentality from being on base till I was 18.  Then I went to college in a more conservative state, silly me.  Still though my parents were very understanding.  I won't knock them.  It was the rest of the environment that drowned out whatever support they were trying to give.