Hey everyone! I have been feeling slightly under the weather, not horribley so but still noticable. It began on Friday around 330 PM or so. The reasoning is because my friend, perhaps even my best friend left me to go on their journeys. I may refer to them as they or she but they much like me are AMAB and are questioning themselves. In fact we met on this very sight around the end of sept 2015 and have been rather close ever since day one. I love them. I love them in a really good friend type of way. We did cuddle but I wouldnt call us romantic in the slightest, and largely because we are two polar opposite people. I have black hair, tanned skin, brown eyes and rather fat and they are blonde hair, white skin and blue eyes and also quite boney and skinny. Our personalities also differ alot. Like truth be told it is a miracle we are even friends but you know what, I am more greatful for our friendship and bond more then anything else, so much so that I am actually starting to get teary eyed over them just thinking about our special bond and how awesome our time face to face was from Sept 15-22.
We ate out at some amazing restaurants , went to Ottawa to do some shopping, rode our bikes at a lake/park in the province of Quebec, we drove in and around smaller towns between or around Petawawa and Ottawa, we watched stupid but interesting videos in my room, swam at the beach and did a decent amount of star gazing at night. I wouldnt have traded a single second of that for anything else in the world.
We finally said our good byes around 315 PM EST and I knew I was going to be sad but didnt realize how much it would continue. The moment I left the house around 330 that day to go to work and didnt see their car on the drive way I did feel that sinking feeling. As the night went on I looked at the clock at work, if it said 6pm I would be like it has been 3 hours since I saw then, 7pm oh no 4 hours. And so on and so on. Since they left me I have been feeling like I lost someone. I kinda wanna cry at the moment and actually am a bit. I love this person, they are my best friend. I know I shouldnt feel this way and it should be over but I been getting up every morning knowing this great person with so much potential and down right is not in my town or even my country anymore and for whatever reason it hurts. They are in Vermont atm catching up with old friends so i may not talk to them for a while to give them as much time in their childhood town and to catch up with other friends.
I cant even talk to my mom, I am just chocking up right now. I miss my friend, when we departed we were of course a bit sad but we knew and agreed and both said out loud that this is a 'cya-later and not a good bye' (just saying that is making me choke/tear up more)
I know I should be thinking of the good times and in fact, do, thats what made saying 'cya' harder. I have never ever ever ever felt this attached to someone on a level of respect and admiration. I love this person in a rather non-romatical way but I do love them. They have taught me more about myself then they know and have helped me through the pits. I just want them to be safe and happy as I know they have their own questions on their life and I just wish I could do more for them. I have cut out family and long time friends who I didnt like due to many reasons and never even regretted doing that. And even in situations where I dont end up disliking someone from before and in the situation of even liking people and saying good bye I can normally get past it. This person tho, I cant even say 'cya' without feeling like a part of me left. Why is this and how did I end up getting these feelings?
