Scared.

[Feminator]

I am sorry this is happening to you! I am glad you can share here and feel free to express your emotions. It's hard for them sure, but it is hard for us...in a different way. We are expected to not only put up with out partners change and the impact on our relationship etc, but also others and the way they interact with our partner. They say that fro every trans spouse that comes out of the closet the cis partner goes in and I never really understood that until it actually impacted my life. Eli is now set up for top surgery and I find myself trying to deal with emotions that I had thought were put to bed  already. The consult is in a few weeks and I know hat I will be very sad and stuff afterwards, even though I will not love Eli any less than I do now and we are both commited to our relationship. I am Queer and darn it all! I will MISS those breasts....I try not to expound around them because they appologize and it does me pain as well to hear them appoligize for wanting to be who they are both inside and out. Trans and NB partners have accepted themselves mostly before telling us in most cases, but we have to work through accepting that. There is not any shame in that and take the time you need. As for your partner liking males now...do you ever watch male actors and find them sexy and attractive? This does not change your orientation at all...maybe your partner is going through this as well???

[Myranda]

Broken Promoises,

While I can truly appreciate where you are coming form, and I really do feel for you, I have one question for you:

Whatever question you ask him, how do you know he is lying?  How do you know he is lying when he answers each of your questions?  Perhaps he is telling the truth?  Perhaps he is telling the truth to some of your questions, and not others?  Perhaps he is not ready to admit the truth to himself, let alone to anybody else?

While it may hurt you, and it should hurt, and don't let me or anyone else tell you differently, whatever he is going through is in no easy a reflection on you.  We all perceive the truth as what we are willing to accept at the moment we ask the question and are presented the answer.

I wish you the best.

[Feminator]

I still feel the point of this is he is married, and should be faithful. He is lying, he is emotionally cheating and she should not be made to feel she should put up with it. I honestly believe that being trans does NOT excuse this type of behavior. Many make make excuses for it, but it is NOT appropriate.

He should ask for a divorce, if he cannot remain faithful....I say this because I was in a marriage for 16 years,  and finally came out as Gay. I did not cheat, I did not lie, I handled it like an adult should and asked for a divorce. I NEEDED to be me. My mate wanted to stay married and have an open marriage which we both agreed to and tried for a bit, we did end up divorced however in the end. I fell in love with a woman(who is NB by the way) and ended up leaving for them. They are now undergoing top surgery.(yay!) I really get tired of excuses afforded those who are trans or gay. Yeah, we have to be who we are, but ya know what? Our struggle does NOT give us the right to destroy others because "we are in search of ourselves". Period.