Grrr, why is this so complicated?

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped:

Oh my goodness it's been a while since I've updated.  So much stuff.
- - - - -. 
I dressed up in a nice dress (see the fabulous thread) and got so many compliments.  I guess I have to stop being insecure and accept the fact that I am pretty.
- - - - -
My transition was a complete non-issue for them.  My friend told me how happy I seem these days and how great that was.  I even got along with his wife.  Historically we haven't gotten along that well.  All changes for the better.
- - - - -
I wore this nice white dress I bought.  I always avoided white because it draws attention to you.  I managed to look look cute in it.
- - - - -

Amber: 
YES, it has been a while, many thanks for posting your latest update and your new photo.

YES, you really look pretty in your pictures and the picture of you in that new nice white dress... 
...yes, and I do agree, you do look very cute in it. ... and really like how you are wearing your hair.

It is so very wonderful that you are getting along so well with your wife and with your friend and his wife....  that can be a difficult achievement for many that are transitioning....  count yourself very fortunate.

Hugs, and best wishes to you.
Danielle
*** Note:  Next time you post a great photo like that please get your cell phone away from your pretty face so we can all admire it!!!

[amberwaves]

I've noticed that when things are going well I don't tend to update very much.  Im usually just busy living a rather dull life.  One thing that I find interesting is that when interacting with people online I must be kind of crappy at it.  It seems so hard to keep a conversation going and I don't usually get much response or much of anything.  Not sure why.  I'm really chatty in real life.

Bought a new dress of the clearance rack.  I am definitely getting to the point where I don't give a crap about what others think.  I spent so long worrying that I was over dressed or silly things like that.  Now I'm going to look fabulous and not give a darn.  I have another dress I got at the same time.  I don't have a picture of it yet, but I wore it out over the weekend and even had a beefy waiter check me out [emoji3].  Yay confidence boost.



This time the phone is not in my face [emoji16].  Someday I'll get both the phone placement and a smile right in the same photo.

[Northern Star Girl]

I've noticed that when things are going well I don't tend to update very much.  Im usually just busy living a rather dull life.  One thing that I find interesting is that when interacting with people online I must be kind of crappy at it.  It seems so hard to keep a conversation going and I don't usually get much response or much of anything.  Not sure why.  I'm really chatty in real life.

Bought a new dress of the clearance rack.  I am definitely getting to the point where I don't give a crap about what others think.  I spent so long worrying that I was over dressed or silly things like that.  Now I'm going to look fabulous and not give a darn.  I have another dress I got at the same time.  I don't have a picture of it yet, but I wore it out over the weekend and even had a beefy waiter check me out [emoji3].  Yay confidence boost.



This time the phone is not in my face [emoji16].  Someday I'll get both the phone placement and a smile right in the same photo.

Amberwaves:  Who is that redheaded teen age girl that picture?  ....    you look great, beautiful and lovely and .....  and thanks for following my suggestion to keep the phone camera out from in front of your face... you have a very nice face so don't hide it!!!  I love how you fixed your hair in pigtails, and the outfit and your strappy shoes look great on you..... you are very pretty for sure.
Oh and being overdressed is so much better than showing up somewhere under-dressed for the occasion.

Oh, by the way, What are you talking about?  I do not think that you are "crappy" about interacting and communicating with people online... at least on here I enjoy exchanging comments and PMs with you.   You get lots of responses from a lot of members on here...   ... and you get responses all the time from me!!!!

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I enjoy your updates on here, please keep them coming.
Hugs,
Danielle

[amberwaves]

Amberwaves:  Who is that redheaded teen age girl that picture?  ....    you look great, beautiful and lovely and .....  and thanks for following my suggestion to keep the phone camera out from in front of your face... you have a very nice face so don't hide it!!!  I love how you fixed your hair in pigtails, and the outfit and your strappy shoes look great on you..... you are very pretty for sure.
Oh and being overdressed is so much better than showing up somewhere under-dressed for the occasion.

Oh, by the way, What are you talking about?  I do not think that you are "crappy" about interacting and communicating with people online... at least on here I enjoy exchanging comments and PMs with you.   You get lots of responses from a lot of members on here...   ... and you get responses all the time from me!!!!

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I enjoy your updates on here, please keep them coming.
Hugs,
Danielle

I didn't think I was being hard on myself (for once).  Maybe crappy is an exaggeration.  I also want really thinking about this thread in particular.  There seem to be a few of you who enjoy participating in the discussion.  In other threads thought it seems my input is not acknowledged.  It's probably just me, but it feels that way sometimes.  That's probably why I prefer taking in person with people.  That and text doesn't convey the bouncy energy I typically speak with.

Thank you for the compliments.  I am coming to grips with being pretty.  My brain is starting to accept it, but sometimes I just don't see it.  It still staggers me that I can be attractive even though I am still almost 220 lbs.

[Northern Star Girl]

I didn't think I was being hard on myself (for once).  Maybe crappy is an exaggeration.  I also want really thinking about this thread in particular.  There seem to be a few of you who enjoy participating in the discussion.  In other threads thought it seems my input is not acknowledged.  It's probably just me, but it feels that way sometimes.  That's probably why I prefer taking in person with people.  That and text doesn't convey the bouncy energy I typically speak with.

Thank you for the compliments.  I am coming to grips with being pretty.  My brain is starting to accept it, but sometimes I just don't see it.  It still staggers me that I can be attractive even though I am still almost 220 lbs.

@ Amberwaves: It is just human nature that we are drawn to communicate and interface with certain ones that we feel compatible with and have a connection with.   I feel that way about you and quite a few others on here... so if I see threads that have those kinds of members on them and with subjects that fit my personality, I am there posting replies and getting involved.   

I do post and try to participate in other threads that for whatever reason I do not get a lot of interaction with....  it could be that my life experience and my transition experience doesn't click with some others, and that is OK... or perhaps they don't like my thoughts and replies.... and perhaps they don't like my picture.   In real life we can be attracted to someone that another may not find attractive... that is the way it has always been... human nature.

All of this is exactly the same as goes on in real life... there are those that we don't go out of our way to socialize with and there are others that we absolutely like to be with often. 

Please don't read too deeply into the lack of responses in other threads ...  spend more of your posting effort in areas that you feel a connection with.... subject, topic, members that participate, reply content, etc.  .... again, just like real life associations.

Yes, please come to grips with considering yourself pretty.... you really are.

Hugs,
Danielle

[Allison S]

Pretty dress you look nice!!
I feel the same way sometimes with not getting any response sometimes but then I get distracted by posting somewhere else anyway lol
Let's not hear from you so we know you're doing well!! I think that'll be the case for me too but 6 months hrt isn't really my prime time right now lol

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[Northern Star Girl]

Pretty dress you look nice!!
I feel the same way sometimes with not getting any response sometimes but then I get distracted by posting somewhere else anyway lol
Let's not hear from you so we know you're doing well!! I think that'll be the case for me too but 6 months hrt isn't really my prime time right now lol

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Allison... and Amberwaves:

No, No, No.... please do not crawl into a cave and not let us hear from you.   We want to hear from you.

Obviously you can consider these threads and your comments a kind of a personal journal.  I find that when I down and not feeling good about myself and not happy with my circumstances that writing about it (privately if that makes you more comfortable) is a good way to process all of that... personal mental therapy without a bill from the therapist!!!

For me at less than one year of HRT, my life and my body changes did have ups and downs... in my 2nd year things got a whole lot better and significant body changes appeared...  then during my 3rd year, my face, my boobs and my curves became well defined as a female.   As is always mentioned here, many times by me, HRT usually doesn't make things happen quickly, or at least as quickly as we all want it to happen.  Every Body reacts in it's own unique time frame to HRT... what you read about other's experiences with HRT may not be what goes on in your body. 
"Patience is Required"   
As humans, we usually want it all and we want it now!!!!! ... and that doesn't happen often.

I am always looking forward to both of your transition updates... please keep posting.
Hugs to both of you,
Danielle

[amberwaves]

Pretty dress you look nice!!
I feel the same way sometimes with not getting any response sometimes but then I get distracted by posting somewhere else anyway lol
Let's not hear from you so we know you're doing well!! I think that'll be the case for me too but 6 months hrt isn't really my prime time right now lol

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Physically I was pleased by the 6 month mark.  Take my results with a grain of salt.  My boobs had already taken if, my skin was soft, and my face was progressing nicely (I started with some curviness anyway).  The emotional changes took the longest and were the most subtle for me.  Unfortunately it was the mental changes that I want most interested in.  I can't recall what month I suddenly realized I was happy, but I know I was far less miserable around the 5 to 6 range.  I know by about a year into it I was barely recognizable as the person I used to be, both physically and emotionally.  You'll get there.

I don't intend to hide in a cave.  I was just observing that I seen to post less when things are well.  I think about posting, but I usually end up putting it off in lieu of other things.  I should get better about that.

[amberwaves]

Not a good last two days. The next to don't look much better.  I need a new job.  Sick of feeling like crap because of this place and my overwhelming underachievement.

[Cassi]

Not a good last two days. The next to don't look much better.  I need a new job.  Sick of feeling like crap because of this place and my overwhelming underachievement.

Sorry your having a bad time of it these past couple of days.  Hope things improve!

[Northern Star Girl]

Not a good last two days. The next to don't look much better.  I need a new job.  Sick of feeling like crap because of this place and my overwhelming underachievement.

@ amberwaves:  So very sorry to hear that you are having some bad days.
 
My free and unsolicited advice:  Don't quit your job BEFORE getting another one.  A job applicant is always much more attractive to a future employer if they already have a job, even if it is a bad job that you want to leave.

Hopefully today, Easter Sunday, will be a much better day for you...  Easter dinner? Ham? Turkey?

Looking for your update about your day!!!  ... and good luck to you finding your new job soon, hopefully.
Hugs,
Danielle

[amberwaves]

@ amberwaves:  So very sorry to hear that you are having some bad days.
 
My free and unsolicited advice:  Don't quit your job BEFORE getting another one.  A job applicant is always much more attractive to a future employer if they already have a job, even if it is a bad job that you want to leave.

Hopefully today, Easter Sunday, will be a much better day for you...  Easter dinner? Ham? Turkey?

Looking for your update about your day!!!  ... and good luck to you finding your new job soon, hopefully.
Hugs,
Danielle

Trust me I don't plan on just quitting.  I couldn't afford to.

I wish I could tell you today is better, but it would be a lie.  Even though the store is not busy I have tons of freight to put away.  My coworker is completely worthless and I have done about 90% of the work.  The only reason I am bussing a$$ is because if it doesn't get done I will be even more screwed over tomorrow morning. It's still a question mark whether the cooler will be here since he called off yesterday.

We don't really celebrate Easter.  The only thing will be having the kids hunt some Easter eggs around the house.

I've already started perusing what jobs are it there at the moment.  This time I am less geographically limited since neither me nor my wife care if we have to move anymore.  The there's that bind us here are finally broken.  This is a good thing since this area send infected with a slow rot and zero opportunity.  It's been that way for years, but she had very strong familial ties.  Those are severed so now maybe we can make forward steps instead of sideways ones.

Thanks for the support.

[Cassi]

Trust me I don't plan on just quitting.  I couldn't afford to.

I wish I could tell you today is better, but it would be a lie.  Even though the store is not busy I have tons of freight to put away.  My coworker is completely worthless and I have done about 90% of the work.  The only reason I am bussing a$$ is because if it doesn't get done I will be even more screwed over tomorrow morning. It's still a question mark whether the cooler will be here since he called off yesterday.

We don't really celebrate Easter.  The only thing will be having the kids hunt some Easter eggs around the house.

I've already started perusing what jobs are it there at the moment.  This time I am less geographically limited since neither me nor my wife care if we have to move anymore.  The there's that bind us here are finally broken.  This is a good thing since this area send infected with a slow rot and zero opportunity.  It's been that way for years, but she had very strong familial ties.  Those are severed so now maybe we can make forward steps instead of sideways ones.

Thanks for the support.

Amber, things will get better!  So proud of you right now.

[amberwaves]

Amber, things will get better!  So proud of you right now.

Proud of me for what?  I'm pretty things aren't going to get better until I get out of here.  As it stands today is worse than yesterday because life decided I must've had it too easy the past few days.

[Cassi]

Proud of me for what?  I'm pretty things aren't going to get better until I get out of here.  As it stands today is worse than yesterday because life decided I must've had it too easy the past few days.

I think you've come a long way since the first time I read or responded to your threads.  There use to be an old saying ">-bleeped-< Happens".  It's sooooooooooooooooo true and then of course there's that Jerk named Murphy who's law screws everything up. 

I've been through some horrendous crap in my life and most passes with time.  Looking back now, it's a blurry memory.  Things happen for a reason, why, I don't the hell know but they do and something else comes along and makes things better!

Also, there's a little secret to share.  When things are going rough, smile a lot.  It freaks people out because they'll think you know something they don't :

[Allison S]

I can only imagine how stressful relocating a family is. There's really no certainity in it and that's scary. It's a good thing that you and your wife can rely on each other. From the sound of it, almost anywhere you do decide to move to will have more oppurtnities. That's a really good mindset to start with

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[amberwaves]

I can only imagine how stressful relocating a family is. There's really no certainity in it and that's scary. It's a good thing that you and your wife can rely on each other. From the sound of it, almost anywhere you do decide to move to will have more oppurtnities. That's a really good mindset to start with

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My mindset is not nearly as positive as what I portray here.  This goes through an editing from my rational mind before hitting post.  It is true that most places will have better opportunity than here.  The kids won't b be happy about moving, particularly my 5 (omg she turns 6 in less than two weeks) year old.  They are young and they will adapt when it does happen.  They are too young to know that we live in the butt crack of pennsytucky.  I would like to say that I'm optimistic, but I've played this game before, multiple times (at least when I was single), and historically things tend not to pan out.

Sorry, I'm a bit of a downer today.

[Cassi]

I still think you're doing awesomely. 

Fortunately, I'm at that stage where I don't have to worry about a job and if I want to work I can and I don't I won't. 

My daughter who has two jobs, one full 38 or 40 a week, and the other 12 or 14, gets upset with me and says that I bring in more money than she does and don't even work. 

I have to sometimes remind her that I worked for over 50 years and like the old McDonald's commercial use to say "You Deserve A Break Today....."

Aside from military service and occasional "Special" assignments, I lived and worked in California up until 2013.  My 4 years in Texas was the longest out of that state so far.  Every state has its good and bad points.  Texas and Nevada have no personal income tax so each year it's fed filing only.  Nevada, taxes some medical/vision devices which shocked the hell out of me.  California is great if you have a bunch of kids and don't want to work.  Not so much for those supporting the tax base but it's okay because of what's apparently put in the drinking water.

[Jenntrans]

I've noticed that when things are going well I don't tend to update very much.  Im usually just busy living a rather dull life.  One thing that I find interesting is that when interacting with people online I must be kind of crappy at it.  It seems so hard to keep a conversation going and I don't usually get much response or much of anything.  Not sure why.  I'm really chatty in real life.

Bought a new dress of the clearance rack.  I am definitely getting to the point where I don't give a crap about what others think.  I spent so long worrying that I was over dressed or silly things like that.  Now I'm going to look fabulous and not give a darn.  I have another dress I got at the same time.  I don't have a picture of it yet, but I wore it out over the weekend and even had a beefy waiter check me out [emoji3].  Yay confidence boost.



This time the phone is not in my face [emoji16].  Someday I'll get both the phone placement and a smile right in the same photo.

No wonder the waiter was checking you out. Lookin' good girl.

[amberwaves]

No wonder the waiter was checking you out. Lookin' good girl.

Thank you.  I finally feel pretty good about how I look most of the time.