Hiding FFS from Coworkers (being stealth) - any tips?

[anjaq]

Hi
So, I want to get FFS done next year. The procedures I want to get are forehead reconstruction (rather subtle, coronal incision), Rhinoplasty (probably also rather subtle), Jaw and Chin (not so subtle) and hair transplants at the hairline.

No one at my workplace and few people in my regular life consider me being "trans", so I guess I am what people call "stealth" most of the time. I want to keep it that way if possible. Ideally I also do not want to disclose being one of those silly girls that go and have a lot of facial beautification surgery as it is heavily frowned upon in Germany.

So, realistically - is it possible and if so how, to avoid disclosing anything about the surgery? I can take probably 3 weeks vacation, maybe more. I think it is realistic that by then, the bruises will be mostly gone, not sure if the swelling is already down well enough to not be immediately noticed as such? Hair transplants are apparently taking a long time to fade in color.
What can I do? Any good tips on avoiding to tell about this? Are there any easy makeup tips to hide things - is it realistic to style hair in a way to safely hide the transplant area - i already have bangs... Would the bruising or swelling that still can be seen be consistent with some kind of accident one could claim to have been in during the vacation?
I thought of maybe claiming to have fallen of a motorbike while on vacation and thus explaining any swelling of the nose and chin???

Has anyone successfully hidden the fact that a FFS was done to almost all other people without taking off work for several months?

Thanks

[Chloe]

. . . facial beautification surgery as it is heavily frowned upon in Germany.

Really? To the point of being an 'issue'? So your not overly concerned about appearing more openly feminine but rather how you got there in the first place? Been having the same thoughts lately about how my work would react. (correction: is reacting!!)

The owner of the company is alledgedly very religious and takes 'the gospel' literally. Problem is -> I probably feel more 'connected' to God than them?? To be honest I dislike doctors too but liking transition to a motorbike accident?? Corrective surgery is one thing pure vanity is another . . .

I mean people are gonna notice your final change of appearence right?? Out of the blue the other day my 'ex' admitted  I look 'girlish' without really doing anything different perhaps WE can get some extra, unpaid personal leave tacked onto vacation???

LOL What do ya think the doc would say if I told them "wanna look more like my cartoon avatar"?? Am growing my hair out again. Poor sad situation me . . .

[anjaq]

Kiera - I am not sure I can follow your reply completely.

I will try to reply to what I think I understood.

First of all, yes, cosmetic surgery is very much an "issue" for Germans. It is considered sort of the epitome of vanity. Most people will go on telling everyone they are great as they are, that they should not try to look like the models or get any surgery to look more beautiful. In recent years, it has become more common to have breast surgery, botox and rhinoplasty, but those are only marginally accepted - often people make up some good reason - a deviated septum in the nose that had to be corrected to breathe properly and of course at that chance one also did some minor aesthetic corrections as well - etc.

Not sure about the gospels and faith comment... but I am not transitioning in the usual sense. I transitioned almost 20 years ago, so by now, only 3 people know my previous name and very few people know that I had a previous name and gender marker on the ID.

So this surgery is for me probably mainly vanity and of course some internal dysphoria I have with myself, that is no one elses business. I am not sure if and how much people will know how different I look like. I showed the simulation pictures of the surgery to some people at some point to ask for an opinion and they claimed it is the same picture - until I pointed out the differences one by one...

So for myself it is reconstructive surgery - for all others it will be perceived as a cosmetic surgery out of vanity, sadly.

[Jessica Lynne]

I think if you have any meaningful work, peep's are gonna notice. No way around it. And frankly, if they don't? you probably didn't get your money's worth. Regarding 3 weeks after surgery being sufficient time for swelling and bruising to subside? Again, if you any measurable amount of work, then no, you can simply forget about that. I would suggest that coming out prior to FFS is probably a better strategy than trying to hide the results. YMMV

[Chloe]

Jessica,

I misunderstood too. Anjaq has already been 'out' stealth for 20 years . . .

and apparently a German woman wanting to look her best, no matter what, is vain & UNMANLY??

Not sure about the gospels and faith comment... but

Anjaq my TG is very "faith based" in the sense that there are many "supportive" chapter/verse passages in favor of men that are "feminized", not really men at all. (at least in the traditional sense)

[anjaq]

I am not "out" at all. Very few people in my life and hopefully no one at work knows that i used to go by a different name and all of that. And I do not intend to change that now - this would kind of defeat the purpose of getting FFS done, if at the same time I would loose my "status" as a women and be seen as trans woman afterwards - which sadly is in some aspects not the same when it comes to some people

So I guess I will have to be vain and tell people I had cosmetic surgery done. This is going to be hard in my work environment as people there are already looking odd at me if I wear a bit of makeup or skirts - the common style is more "normcore" - very few women in my workplace wear skirts or makeup and certainly no one admits to have cosmetic surgery. But so I will have to break out of that norm again and be the odd one, no way around, it seems.

If that is so, what would be the best to go for , as an explanation? I was thinking IF I have to tell I did comsetic surgery, I would only mention rhinoplasty and maybe hair transplants if those are visible. Those are probably considered rather minor cosmetic surgeries and are more accepted and would explain why I look somehow different. Would that be enough? I will certainly not call it FFS or anything like that.

P.S.: In Germany advertisement for plastic surgery is very restricted, one cannot show before and after pictures openly, there is often "beauty craze" or therelike mentioned - people are called crazy for not accepting themselves as they are but seek cosmetic surgery - it is only acceptable if someone is really having some medical issue or a severe deformity. Cosmetic surgeries on minors are considered unethical and the government wanted to ban them:
https://www.bustle.com/articles/9909-germany-considers-banning-cosmetic-surgery-for-minors-why-america-should-take-note
On TV, plastic surgery is basically always mentioned in a negative context with botched surgeries or people shown that hat 100 surgeries and look like an alien.

[Jessica Lynne]

My Grandmother was from Bremen. My father didn't speak English till he was 12. The stoic way I was raised in such a rigid world was oppressive. As much as I respect the German people and their discipline, I can't imagine living the life of rigidity that accompanies it. Yes Anjaq, I suspect you'll have to tell them the human foible of vanity is part of your makeup.

[AlexisRene]

If you are going to be away for up to 3 weeks. Would shy away from the motor bike story. Motor bike crashes usually come with broken bones &/or road rash. Still have some of the latter from child hood.  How about a rental car accident while on vacation? Air bag did not deploy in an accident that was NOT your fault? You did not get a vacation because you were in a hospital? OK, that is kind of weak, but we have a few months to work out the details. 

The biggest hurdle in any story is going to be the hair transplant. That would not be seen as a typical "fix" or mark of an accident. However, maybe schedule procedures during winter with shorter days when people are generally bundled up in coats, hats, scarf, head/hair scarves etc may make things easier to pass off.

[elkie-t]

 Say you had a car accident somewhere in the middle of your vacation... airbag hit your face, etc... be non-specific.


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[Devlyn]

The problem with this type of procedure is the great potential for lengthening of the nasal cavity which would become immediately apparent to even a casual bystander. Ask Pinocchio!    

<running away>

[Rachel]

Hair transplants go through a falling out and regrowth period. I would not worry to much about that at all. The transplanted hair is barely visible. I still have hair coming in from My March transplants.

Jaw and chin, my jaw was stiff for a while. But at 3 weeks I think that loosened up pretty well. Perhaps using makeup or saying you are using makeup to try different looks. Unless you advertise the work being done most people will not notice.

Maybe have a few  new outfits and accessories.

Oh, it is 6 to 8 weeks between before you can color your hair after a transplant.

[Dena]

One of the things many of us deal with is rejecting the mold that society places us in. We are expected to conform to the gender we were born as so the first step in our transition is to reject the view of society and become ourself. This is a far more radical step than FFS as we are changing our entire appearance and presentation. You were able to face this once in your life and with FFS, you will do it again. It's not important what others opinion of you is, it's only important how you feel about yourself.

I suspect if you you had FFS during your transition, you wouldn't have felt uncomfortable with it as you do now. It's only the time that has passed and the stealthiness which you now experience that cause you to worry about what others think of you. It comes down to a simple choice of no FFS or have FFS and not worrying about what others might think. There will be signs that you have had surgery and your only other option would be to move and start another life free from the past.

Draw upon the strong person you are. Once in your life you faced great difficulty and managed to become the person you are today. You can do it again and become a trend setter as you are not having the surgery to become beautiful but instead to become the person you should have been.

[reborn]

As the weather changed in Germany start complaining about nerve pain in the face. Keep telling your co workers that you are seeing doctors, who are trying to determine what is the cause of the severe pain you are experiencing. Finally, after a few months of all kind of examination and daily painkillers the doctors realized that it is all from an old injury from a car accident you had as a teenager. In order to fix the nerve issues they will have to cut open your entire face and the bones where those nerves run and perform full facial reconstruction in order for you to look human. Of course at first you will reject the idea of having such an invasive surgery, but as the pain will become unbearable out of desperation you will accept to get the surgery just to avoid the pain. Also say that you may end up looking disfigured but of course as a German woman you don't care about the cosmetic outcome. I hope this helps And for the hair implants just say that they removed big amount of skin from your forehead and they had to perform reconstructive hair transplants.

[AlexisRene]

Scary good imagination reborn. Something like that may actually work. Though with my luck, would get fired for being too loopy on my imaginary pain killers if I were to attempt such a story. 

[elkie-t]

Good story plot


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[newgirltx]

As long as you pick one of the mediocre ffs surgeons ( which quite frankly most are except a very few) you will be fine as long as you don't swell too much.

[Debra]

People at work are going to notice unless you take 3 months off, IMHO.

The surgery itself you can kinda hide some of by wearing beanies (after the first few weeks) but but with hair transplants, you can't wear hats and stuff for a while or you'll damage the grafts.

I told people at work I was getting my nose done because of a deviated septum (which is true but not the whole truth). Then I wore beanies for a couple months.

[anjaq]

reborn, that story is impressive, but I think its over the top a bit - Besides I used a slightly similar variation of that to explain away my voice surgery; I deliberately allowed my voice to go bad for months, had days with alomst no voice, then said i am doing therapy for it and eventually said I had a diagnosis that needs a surgery because therapy did not help...
So I cannot pull of the same sort of thing again. This time, it would have to be  more of a surprise thing - a car accident sounds like a possible way to go, indeed.

I think I am going to try how it looks after 3 weeks and then if I think it is still very obvious I need to either use the accident story, tell them I had a nose job (if I have this as part of the FFS at all, otherwise it would not make sense) or maybe just try using makeup and wait if someone comments at all and only then explain I had the nose fixed because of a deviated septum (which technically is not even wrong as it would be part of the rhinoplasty).

Due to Job constraints I can oly to the surgery in February or September, so in both times, scarfs are possible but not helping. I am not getting a trach shave - so the only thing that I could hide with headbands or hats would be the hair transplant areas, but that might work, just not so well inside the office. I will need a lot of hairspray then to fortify my bangs.

@newgirltx - I dont know which surgeons you consider mediocre and which one better. The ones I considered so far have been FacialTeam, Spiegel, diMaggio and I was a bit tempted by the price to look at Telang and Rossi. Most likely, Facialteam would be the choice, so I guess you would consider them mediocre as they do try to achieve natural results and tend to be careful.

In addition to that, my face already seems to be in female norm. I deliberately tried to look masculine last week because of an assessment date with tax office so I can make the FFS tax deductible and I basically failed, the doctor there said she would not have thought anything of the sort, seeing me. So I suspect the changes I will get from the FFS will mainly be visibly by myself and others will see them as me looking younger, more beautiful, maybe thing I had a good vacation. If it was not for the swelling and haematoma. Those are not going to be looking better at first, but look like I had something done, I guess. It all depends on how fast I am healing though.

[Sophia Sage]

There's a very good chance you'll have residual bruising at 3 weeks postop, bruising which might last for another week or two.  You'll need to be prepared to exercise some very good makeup techniques if you want to maintain narrative privacy when it comes to the surgery. 

More difficult to hide will be the exhaustion of recovery. 

[reborn]

Or you can just say that you had a nose job because of a deviated septum, and while you were going under general anesthesia you decided to get a face lift as well. Who cares if they think you are crazy for getting cosmetic surgery.