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20/20 hindsight

Started by Megan., September 27, 2017, 04:10:51 PM

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Megan.

For those that were confused when younger but didn't really figure out till later it was about their gender. What are those memories that you now have that make you go doh!
At the age of 8 I watched the film The Ice Pirates. Aside being truly atrocious and turning downright wierd at the end (I recently re-watched it), there is a scene where the lead male character almost gets castrated (deliberately),  and I strongly recall wishing that could've happened to me. I don't think many young boys think like that!

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Bari Jo

Gosh there are so many.  My worst was probably wishing for abuse that was gender affirming.  It never happened, but in my mind I wasn't doing something right, since I didn't get the attention I needed/wanted.  Wow that feels weird to verbalize.
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different
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Sarah77

Been thinking about this recently.
Some serious denial for years in my life.

Age 3 or 4, woke up at night to put on girls clothes
Age 13, wearing my mum's clothes
Finding it easy to get girlfriends..but always very shy in kissing them, or more.
My girlfriend randomly asking if I wanted to wear a dress

So many moments
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RobynD

I was wearing women's underwear by the age of about 14 or 15 and it was not for the turn on either. I knew i wanted to be feminine. From then on, i plotted a feminine course in life as i was able. Although i did not fully accept that i was transgender until my 40s. By then 3/4 of my clothes were women's and i was starting to really deal with the social dysphoria.

A kindergarten memory of getting to play in the really cool play kitchen with one of my girl friends is a vivid one. She was so elegant to me with her little blonde curls and i really wanted to be just like her. The boys really wanted me to play trucks with them and would tease me to get me out of the girl toy area.

" You don't want girl germs do you? " (yes guys i truly did)


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Sarah_P

Quote from: meganjames2 on September 27, 2017, 04:10:51 PM
At the age of 8 I watched the film The Ice Pirates. Aside being truly atrocious and turning downright wierd at the end (I recently re-watched it), there is a scene where the lead male character almost gets castrated (deliberately),  and I strongly recall wishing that could've happened to me. I don't think many young boys think like that!

OMG!!! I thought the exact same thing when I saw that movie!
Being jealous of girl's clothes was a big one that somehow slipped by without me realizing what it meant.
--Sarah P

There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey



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Lady Sarah

I can recall being in kindergarten, and playing in the little kitchen with the girls. The boys refused to let me play with them, and I was fine with that. I was not fine with the teacher making me sit in the corner during play time, after telling me I was not allowed to be around the girls. After that, I'd just take a nap, instead of playing with anybody. Ever since then, I had little or no respect for any of my teachers.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016
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babu

That reminds me my best friend in kindy was a girl. They were more like me I guess. So besides generally being more curious about boys (as they were not like me perhaps) for awhile before puberty, at about 8 a stark realizing that my arms were growing hair. I did not like it because it felt very out of place.

In my early teenage years I found myself putting on my sisters clothes secretly, and didn't realize why it felt very good. So I ignored it and stopped. While I was attracted to girls during puberty, it was a strange blend of wanting to be like them but also wanting to be with them.

Then as an adult I really started wearing my wife's clothes a lot, and it has snowballed into something amazing.
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Bari Jo

A more tame story of my youth is when we would go to the big neighboring city my mom and sister kept going clothes shopping and getting all these cute outfits.  I told my momr I was jealous.  She started taking me to buy suits.  Gosh, that wasn't what I wanted at all, but didn't know how to tell her.  She knew I was different a few years later and I had a closet of suits I hated:)  well I did like one that was black with a stitched Paisley pattern, grin.
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different
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KathyLauren

When I was seven, seeing a picture of a pretty girl in a magazine and wishing I could be her.  Trying on my mother's clothes when I was 12.  Wondering why the guy who sexually assaulted me in high school picked me.  In the Air Force, hoping no one would figure out what wuss I was.  The feeling of envy when I saw a woman in a pretty dress.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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Laurie

#9
Crawling into a clothes donation box in my church's parking lot and using it as my private dressing room. Many times. I was a bit scary being in it when someone drove up and dropped off some bags of old clothes.

Yes I did got to churches when I was younger.
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



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Roll

Well, people have already covered my most obvious responses (the wanting girls clothes and what not), so let's see what else I can think of...

Not really sure this was a complete "doh" moment, but definitely an early sign I didn't even consider until a conversation
the other day. So, regardless of gender video games have always been my world. Recently I realized as far back as when I was 7 or 8, I was always instantly drawn to every female video game or cartoon character, no matter how minor of a character(there weren't a ton of heroines at the time). There was one incident in particular with one famous game series, Metroid. As way of explanation for those who are unfamiliar with the medium, it was always notable in that for the course of the original game you play as a person in a suit of combat armor whose gender is not apparent. Everyone assumed the character was male, because every hero was male. Well, plot twist, at the of the game the character removes their helmet and you were playing a woman the entire time. My friends' reaction? "Ewwww!" My reaction? Pure joy. (Note that the critical and historical reaction was also purely favorable, but that wasn't the thinking of little kids, and is still a far cry from the feeling I felt.) My current forum name and avatar speaks to this legacy, as the character of Roll was only a tiny part of the games she featured in at first (Megaman), yet even a few seconds on screen and I was attached for life. This evolved alongside games in general to me taking part in what is the seeming standard for transgender (at least mtf) gamers in always choosing or creating a female character whenever possible.

For more of a pure "Doh!" childhood memory, I suppose watching She-Ra and Rainbow Brite (80's cartoons, yay!) and preferring them to their male counterparts probably counts. (Though Transformers came above all else which muddied the water, I think that was just my pure nerdiness coming through. :D)

Oh, also my complete obsession with the gender-swap centric anime series Ranma 1/2. I happened into the series by being at game store looking at random titles when I was maybe 12. So there was a game based on this series, which through some miracle had made it to the U.S. For those not familiar with the mediums, it is completely insane that this game saw a U.S. release, but thank god it did. I knew nothing about it, but stopped to read the plot synopsis on the back... "guy turns into girl"... And that was that, I bought it. Literally knowing nothing else about it, with that precious money from chores or birthday checks or however kids get money. Inside the game was a little insert for the VHS release of the anime, which I proceeded to talk my mom into letting me order the following day and would go on to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars keeping up with back in the dark ages of the 90s with all of that same precious childhood cash. (Oh, and in keeping with my first bit, without fail my character of choice in this game was not just any female character, but the female version the main character for what she represented.)
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An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
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2/27/19 - Name Change!

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Charlie Nicki

The biggest one for me was praying to God that he turned me into a girl when I was 12. Back then I didn't think much of it, didn't even know why I wanted that so much, but nowadays I know praying to be magically transformed is something a lot of transgender people do.

I also remember being very upset when I was around 4 years old cuz I wanted to wear a belly shirt and my parents wouldn't let me lol. I also loved girly things, like Barbie dolls, and was fascinated by the female character in every movie/cartoon etc and wanted to be them. For example if I was watching Batman, I was more interested in Catwoman and Batgirl, wanted to be the Yellow Power Ranger (female) and always wanted a female character when playing games. I thought they were cooler and more interesting...My cousins used to give a hard time for choosing the female so I learnt I had to choose the male one.
Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.
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Bari Jo

Roll, I was right there with you for Metroid.  From that point on, if it was possible to play a girl, I only did that.  I didn't think that was any big deal until coming to the table with all my 'signs' as it were, and admitting who I am.  All my male friends only played male characters.  My female friends never even played games.  My favorite game to play a girl character in currently is Little Big Planet.  It's just so cute and girly!
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different
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Sarah_P

Quote from: Roll on September 27, 2017, 11:17:17 PM
Recently I realized as far back as when I was 7 or 8, I was always instantly drawn to every female video game or cartoon character, no matter how minor of a character(there weren't a ton of heroines at the time).

That's me too. I remember being super excited that Final Fantasy 6 (3 at the time, since the US originally skipped 1 & 2) had a female character - Terra - as the main character (some argue that there is no main character, but I disagree).

Quote
For more of a pure "Doh!" childhood memory, I suppose watching She-Ra and Rainbow Brite (80's cartoons, yay!) and preferring them to their male counterparts probably counts. (Though Transformers came above all else which muddied the water, I think that was just my pure nerdiness coming through. :D)

I remember going to the theater to see the 'Secret of the Sword' pilot movie for She-Ra! I really liked it, but my friends disagreed, so I just watched the series without letting them know. I've actually been re-watching She-Ra on Netflix, and was really surprised when I noticed some episodes were written by J. Michael Straczynski (Babylon 5, Sense8).
I was & still am a huge Transformers fan, so I understand. I still stand by my opinion that Transformers The Motion Picture (1986 animated movie for those who don't know - featuring big-name actors including Orson Welle's final role) is one of the greatest movies of all time (I was there opening day!!).

Quote
Oh, also my complete obsession with the gender-swap centric anime series Ranma 1/2.
If you were trying to buy the VHS back when they first started, it cost a fortune! $40+ for 1 or 2 episodes of a 300+ episode series.... It was hard being an anime fan in those early days!
--Sarah P

There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey



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Charlie Nicki

Quote from: Roll on September 27, 2017, 11:17:17 PM
Oh, also my complete obsession with the gender-swap centric anime series Ranma 1/2.

OMG had totally forgotten about Ranma. I loved it as well.
Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.
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Megan.

Quote from: Sarah_P on September 27, 2017, 06:00:07 PM
OMG!!! I thought the exact same thing when I saw that movie!
Being jealous of girl's clothes was a big one that somehow slipped by without me realizing what it meant.
Shocked to hear of another person who's actually seen that film,  but it's cerainly not on the level of Transformers [emoji23]
In my early teens I used to cut the hemi-ovoid plastic packaging out of easter egg boxes and shove them down my top like breast forms.

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Sarah_P

Quote from: meganjames2 on September 28, 2017, 12:22:29 AM
Shocked to hear of another person who's actually seen that film,  but it's cerainly not on the level of Transformers [emoji23]

I'm a huge fan of sci-fi, from big budget to ultra-low. I try to watch everything I can, from all eras. Being a big fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 led me to a greater appreciation for the low-budget stuff. :laugh:
--Sarah P

There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey



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grrl1nside

My big warning was going swimming in school in grade 1 and lining up with the girls to get changed. A teacher having to explain to me that I was in the wrong line so I went into the boys and promptly locked myself in a toilet cubicle to change away from everyone else. On the way out later, I was so slow in changing that the school bus left me behind....

Some other favourites of mine later on. Watching Conan with my friends and losing interest once Valeria died because she was the heart of the show and the coolest by far... Watching another trashy sword and sorcery movie where for a few seconds a male is turned to female and wishing it was me. For weeks later I wished magic was real. Those are the ones I can find the humour in at least.
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CatRose

For me i realised recently that i had always been more at ease hanging around with the girls and i always seemed to be forcing myself when out with the boys.

Also when i started watching anime when i was about 15, i was watching any that had gender-swapping.
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Nina

Junior high, for one semester, the girls took shop while the boys took home ec.
I got an A for my corn chowder soup, and sewed from scratch a shirt with a collar better than anyone.
Heck, I was canning food at 12 years old....still remember making apricot jam.

Not that these are necessarily female traits, but I was horrible at shop. Hated woodwork, metal work, electronics.
2007/8 - name change, tracheal shave, electrolysis, therapy
2008 - full time
2014 - GCS Dr. Brassard; remarried
2018 (January)  - hubby and I moved off-grid
2019 - plan originally was to hike PCT in 2020, but now attempting Appalachian Trail - start date April 3.
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