Really don't know what to do, need help

[bbwolfe]

This is sort of a long post so I understand if you don't wanna read. I'm new here and the youth section is kinda dead so I'm just posting here, I hope that's fine...

Hi, I'm 16 and I really don't know what to do when it comes to coming out. Just for some context, I live in a south american country that isn't very accepting of trans people and where laws that facilitate things for trans people are just recently showing up. My mom is very judgemental of people and while she isn't homophobic or anything - because my cousin is gay and she kind of accepts him, she thinks being trans is an extreme and she has voiced her opinion on it several times before. Anyways, my parents are divorced and I don't really see my dad much and he's not any better than my mom when it comes to tolerance. So I want to come out to my mom so I can finally start being myself and hopefully get on hormones as soon as possible but the possibility of being kicked out or completely losing my relationship with my mom looks like a real thing that might happen. Thing is, where I live getting a job when you're under 18 is really hard and I don't know if I could make it by myself. So my problem is, I don't know if I should take the risk of coming out right now and possibly lose everything including school and my chances of getting into a good college and stuff or just waiting 2 more unhappy years and transition when I'm sort of independent. Thanks and bye people

[elkie-t]

The sooner you do it, the more legitimate you will look. Your cousin started being gay at what age? Now, the longer you wait, the harder it is to be taken seriously.

If you cannot come out as transgender, just share with your mother that you are questioning your sexuality and would like to talk to a psychologist. Generally, I don't like them, but in your case - you might have a strong advocate for you in him/her.


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[Charlie Nicki]

Where in Latin America do you live? I live in Colombia. Let me tell you something: Parents can be more accepting than we think they are...Out of love. But you are the only who can judge how your mother will react, chances are that it will be a negative reaction but if you give it time she could come around. I came out to my mom twice, once as gay at 16 years old and a second one as transgender at 29 lol. She had a hard time with being gay at first and then didn't care. She's still struggling about accepting my gender identity but she's very supportive.

So basically a negative reaction at first is to be expected. What actually matters is if she's able to accept it within time. If you are not sure of any of this and think it might put you in disadvantage then don't tell her yet. But do tell her you want to go to therapy for whatever reason, and use to talk to a psychologist about your gender identity issues.  Your mom will not know what you discuss inside the room.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. You have a difficult decision to make and unfortunately I don't have a good answer for you. If your country is transgender friendly your school might have a consoler available who you could discuss this with. The other options is you might discuss this with your cousin and find out what is available in the way of help that you can use without your mother knowing. The help isn't HRT but a consoler or social worker might be available.

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[elkie-t]

+1 to Dena on coming out to your gay cousin. She always brings a good spin.


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