I think I'm losing my mind.

[theatomicquinn]

Hey everyone, I just need to scream into the void, because I've had so much on my mind in the last few months, and no one will really listen.

I can't even get out of bed without dreading my existence. I'm always tired, and it takes every ounce of willpower I have, just to get out of bed. I hate my job, and I don't have a car (and I'm deathly scared of driving), so getting a new job is a challenge. I hate looking at myself, i feel like a disgusting slob, and I'm starting to think that I'll never be able to successfully transition. I have a crush on a really cute guy, and he says that he thinks I'm really cute, but I can't help but feel like he's leading me on, just to crush my heart, as many people have done to me in the past. This isn't even all of my feelings, this is just a summary (I hate typing a lot), but I just feel hopeless. I just want to be a woman, in society's eyes, I want to go back to school, I want a better job, and I just want to live.

[Dani]

Hello, I heard that. You are not alone. We are here. Scream all you want.

Many of us have been there and with the help from friends here at Susan's Place, we can overcome the depressed thoughts. For myself, I had to identify each area of myself that needed changing and no matter what the cost, I changed myself to the best that I can be. Self acceptance is the single most important item on any ones checklist, whether or not transition is in your future.

[theatomicquinn]

I tried to come out at work, or rather present as female at work, and after about a month, I got so fed up with customers being ->-bleeped-<-ty to me, and my coworkers talking ->-bleeped-<- behind my back; that I pretty much gave up.

[Charlie Nicki]

I think the first step should be looking for a new job. Being busy will make you feel better and useful, and also will give you financial stability. Focus on that first and then think about your transition and going back to school.

[theatomicquinn]

The only problem is finding a job that pays as much as the place I'm at right now. I don't have a car, so my options are limited.