I wanna make sure that I'm a transgender , Please help me find answers!

[yoryoajax]

This might be a long post, so sorry ahead of time.

I'm a 19 year old male as of now , to start it off , a week ago I  accidentally read a post on social media about the transgender and it said that "if you're feeling like a girl inside so you maybe a transgender " I was shocked but also happy as i always wanted to be a girl instead of a guy.

My mom is always treating me like I'm her little girl , I have 2 brother , one older and one younger than me , but she is caring about me more , my health , my hair and stuff like that and make me feel like I'm a girl , she always wanted a girl but unfortunately she got 3 sons

I don't hate being a guy but I envy every girl of being what she is  , my desire of being a girl is not that strong I can say " it's ok to be a guy but maybe i will be better if I become a girl" So I feel homeless in my mind and I don't know who I'm anymore or what I need.

I read a lot of transgenders story and start figuring out that Everyone got a story that contains a signs that he or she is a transgender , like maybe one of them liked playing a girl stuff in his childhood or maybe be with girls more than boys and stuff like that , or their behaviors are most likely belong to opposite gender they assigned to, but I don't have anything like that in my entire life , maybe when my mom start calling me some pet names "girl name"  I started to feel a little bit happier , but I'm still a normal guy with a normal body , doing normal boys stuff , I don't hate girly things at all , I don't really act feminine  either, but my feeling is kinda like a girl's feelings , I'm so sensitive I cry a lot about anything stressing me like a girl , like a true girl.

Yesterday , I talked to someone who is like me , a male but inside he is a girl and started discussing and knowing everything about him , I explained to him my case and he started to treat me like I'm girl and calling me that way , I had a mixed feelings , some of me like it and the rest feeling ashamed or disgusted , and he said that I'll get used to it , he talked about that whenever he's at home he dress like a girl and feel comfortable with that , so I said to myself " Wow , i never thought of these things to do , I like dressing like a girl but I knew that if i like to dress like a girl but not to be a girl that means I'm a crossdresser not a transgender , so I picked some clothes from my mom's cupbord and dress it  , I felt so good and comfortable with the dress so much , I'm not Interested in girls clothes and fashion but I still like to dress like a girl and that's lead to saying " oh what if I'm a crossdresser not a transgender? , that could destroy my desire of being a girl! " .


I used to see makeup videos and haircuts for girls and I can't miss any video like that without watching it ,in the other hand I never ever saw any man stuff on the internet  , is this consider a sign beside that i felt comfortable and totally fine with dressing like a girl that im a transgender?

My mind is exhausted , I keep thinking over and over again of all the Possibilities like "what if I'm a crossdresser not a transgender? " what if I'm a a feminine guy not a transgender?" " what if I'm nothing at all?"



I also got in relationships with girls more often and have sex with them and enjoyed it but I have thoughts that I need someone to dominate me as I do to my girl , I need to be this girl , I need someone to take control of me not I take control of them. I know gender and sexuality are different, but for what it's worth, I always liked women. I never have found a guy attractive, but at the same time I have fantasies of doing things with a guy sexually, as a girl.
2 hours ago I tried to masturbate imagining myself that I'm the girl and I've never been horny like I was in my entire life , i felt so good



I tried to ask myself honestly if I want to truly be a female. The only real answer I can give is that some of me want it and some of me are not.


I keep thinking every second of who I'm or what I want to be , but I can't find an answer , some of people said to me that I need to visit a therapist that can help you figuring it out , but I'm not allowed to do this in my country , I would probably be in jail or the therapist would just kick me out because I'm living in A religious country where nothing is allowed to do! sadly... I can only do the surgery and the transition but we don't have therapist who can help me figuring out who I'm.

i just need to make sure that i won't be after transition be like " what the hell did i do  to myself?"
this was probably too much to write, but I just want to get as much information out there for someone to give their honest opinions on where they think I currently stand , I need you to help me get the answer!

[elkie-t]

Hi Yoryoajax, it's hard to be sure what path to choose for the rest of your life if you only knew how to be a guy. Also, your admiration for girls might be something other than a transgender... It could be just hormones-influenced curiosity... I don't know you, but if it make sense - try being a girl before committing to it. Talk to your mom, set up an experiment where you are allowed to experience life as a female, dress femininely, wear make up, but also be held to higher feminine standards of grooming and household chores. If you love your new position in life - stay there, otherwise - move on, go to college and say 'I tried it and it's not mine'.

Nothing is more boring than possibilities that weren't explored. I'd rather tell I did something and it was a mistake, than I wanted to do something, but was afraid and now I regret of not exploring that opportunity. But that's me.

Good luck, either way


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[yoryoajax]

Hi Yoryoajax, it's hard to be sure what path to choose for the rest of your life if you only knew how to be a guy. Also, your admiration for girls might be something other than a transgender... It could be just hormones-influenced curiosity... I don't know you, but if it make sense - try being a girl before committing to it. Talk to your mom, set up an experiment where you are allowed to experience life as a female, dress femininely, wear make up, but also be held to higher feminine standards of grooming and household chores. If you love your new position in life - stay there, otherwise - move on, go to college and say 'I tried it and it's not mine'.

Nothing is more boring than possibilities that weren't explored. I'd rather tell I did something and it was a mistake, than I wanted to do something, but was afraid and now I regret of not exploring that opportunity. But that's me.

Good luck, either way


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I will take your advise! I will keep dressing and makeup and act like a female if I see this is me I will take a step in transition, Thank you for this idea!  , and yes I also like feminine standards of grooming and household chores , I usually help my mom doing it. but what if I liked the dressing that means that I like to be a girl or i'm just a crossdresser?

[elkie-t]

Try before you buy


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[yoryoajax]

Try before you buy


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and yes I also like feminine standards of grooming and household chores , I usually help my mom doing it. but what if I liked the dressing that means that I like to be a girl or i'm just a crossdresser? I'm so confused

[elkie-t]

You can always downplay it as a phase of crazy youths, or move somewhere else and start a new life (when you're young), so - don't hold it back. You aren't doomed for trying to go out wearing a dress.


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[yoryoajax]

You can always downplay it as a phase of crazy youths, or move somewhere else and start a new life (when you're young), so - don't hold it back. You aren't doomed for trying to go out wearing a dress.


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If it is my case as you say I might feel sad because of my desire of becoming a girl will be vanish

[elkie-t]

and yes I also like feminine standards of grooming and household chores , I usually help my mom doing it. but what if I liked the dressing that means that I like to be a girl or i'm just a crossdresser? I'm so confused

a) what's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual? - 2 years. (That's an old joke, not scientific fact).

b) generally speaking - if you like dressing as a women, you are a crossdresser (nothing is wrong with it),
If you think you are a women, have a female brain, don't want to _pretend_ to be a male (whom you never truly been) and the only choice of normality for you is to have a fully female body - then you are a transsexual.

But no matter how you feel, you are with a 99.99% certainty a human being (0.01% - you are an artificial intelligence program writing stuff online, or a space alien) and it's your life and your body and you can do as you wish with both.

[elkie-t]

If it is my case as you say I might feel sad because of my desire of becoming a girl will be vanish

Don't overthink it. Live it now. It's not against the rules to dress a guy one day and a girl another. Been there, done that - no problemo

[elkie-t]

Think about it. Do you want to try it and clear the confusion one way or another now, in your 19s. Or suppress it for 40 years, until you cannot resist any longer the desire to try the forbidden? Trust me, it's much more difficult when you're married and have children.


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[yoryoajax]

Think about it. Do you want to try it and clear the confusion one way or another now, in your 19s. Or suppress it for 40 years, until you cannot resist any longer the desire to try the forbidden? Trust me, it's much more difficult when you're married and have children.


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I guess I might be a transgender not a crossdresser because I don't have daily interest to dress like a girl I mean this is not my strong desire , that means I'm less caring about clothes and fashion so that seems to be a transgender , I think

[yoryoajax]

I guess I might be a transgender not a crossdresser because I don't have daily interest to dress like a girl I mean this is not my strong desire , that means I'm less caring about clothes and fashion so that seems to be a transgender , I think

or  It could be just hormones-influenced curiosity. and my mind is playing with me

[elkie-t]

The only way to know it for sure is to experiment. Talk to your family, if they would be supportive of this experiment - try to live as a girl full time for a period of time. Try to find a job, dress daily, etc. At the end of this period - think if you want to extend it, make permanent changes, or reverse it back.


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[elkie-t]

What happens - if it is just sexual/ hormones affected - it'll wear off and you decide that it's nice but not worth the pain and trouble. Then, you might continue to enjoy crossdressing now and then, but you'd know where you stand. Otherwise, you will see no desire to return to your old life.


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[yoryoajax]

What happens - if it is just sexual/ hormones affected - it'll wear off and you decide that it's nice but not worth the pain and trouble. Then, you might continue to enjoy crossdressing now and then, but you'd know where you stand. Otherwise, you will see no desire to return to your old life.


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My desire of being a girl is strong but I need to make sure if I'm really a true girl inside or I'm just a guy who needs to be a girl , it doesn't matter for others but it matters for me at least , I will do Experiments and find out who I'm and what I wanted , I'm glad to find someone here who is supportive and so much helpful like you <3

[Kendra]

Hello yoryoajax, thank you for joining Susan's Place. 

Normally I'd suggest talk to a therapist familar with LGBT issues, but that doesn't sound like an option in your country.  If that's the case, visibly experimenting with transition or a gender-neutral appearance might also cause safety issues.

At your age one thing that immediately comes to mind is college.  A college or university environment is often more accepting, and some offer international exchange programs or you can aim to study in a country that happens to have transgender resources.  At this point I realize you don't know whether you really are transgender, but having a solid education can provide you with more options in the future.

Also yoryoajax I had to edit your first post... I removed a word which isn't allowed on this site.  To help explain why, I'll add information we always provide to new members, including the Terms of Service and other information to help you navigate.  Here it is - 

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yoryoajax, I hope things go well in your search for answers.  Best wishes.

Kendra

[Britt116]

I know exactly how you feel. I am in a very similar situation to you but I have felt this way since I was 12 (almost 17 now) and I have doubts all of the time. I don't feel like this all of the time either and that makes it all really confusing. I know in back of my mind that this will (99% sure) not go away but part of me believes that it will and I don't want to do something that I'm not positive about so let me know what you decide to do.