Fiance recently came out as trans, mtf

[Dena]

It would help if your SO would come here and talk with us. Often we can see ourselves in others like us and it helps us understand we are not so different and what others may say applies to us. I can understand some people not wanting to come on the internet but for now I am going to give you two links to pass on that might help. The first is our WIKI that will provide a detail description of the various flavors of being transgender. The second link is "the transition channel" where a gender therapist will help explore your SOs feelings. Many find these links useful when they are in the early stages of exploring their feelings. Feel free to view them together as it can provide an eye opening view of the differences between a transgender and a CIS.

[Mariah]

Bethanyz that unknown is scary and have come to learn that myself with my SO. It's taken them time to come to terms with who they are and what to do about it. I suppose I need to open up with them more on my feelings so I'm glad to see you are with her because that is so important. Lets face it when they come out to us and things become more in focus, even when we know something is up all along, it is still a shock to us no matter how well prepared we are. Yellow Submarine this place is a great place for support. True many of us SO's don't come around, but we are here. Therapists are another huge resource so it's good to hear your going to reach out to one. Hugs
Mariah

[PartnerToButchLesbianMTF]

He told me on Friday night, my emotions have been all over the place. One minute I'm ok with it, the next I'm grieving for the future loss of my male partner.  I want to support him, but I'm so scared for the future. We have a 1 year old son together, we were (are?) going to be married. There doesn't seem to be much support out there for the partners of trans people. 

I guess I just need someone to talk to sometimes.

Another ciswoman with an MTF girlfriend. She was already two years into transition when we met. You're in good company. Wishing you lots of support during these early days.


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[Sarah77]

I wish you all the best. If it means anything, from personal experience, many  a transgender woman with a wife or CIS woman partner is only too aware of the impact of coming out.

There is no black or white, just lots of love, compromise and doing what's best for both people in a relationship.

[yellow submarine]

I guess it's been a while since I posted here. Things have been very up and down. My partner has gone from definitely trans, to not trans, and now "questioning", kind of. He's very confused, and doesn't think of himself as trans at the moment, even though he does sometimes have thoughts that he might be. Other days it doesn't even cross his mind. Or so he says. I don't think he's lying to me, but sometimes I suspect he downplays stuff to spare my feelings. Don't know why I'm posting this. I just still don't know what's going on.

[izzymacattack]

For my wife and I, my transition has really been our transition--together. You both need to be patient and support each other, which can be hard and unfair to you in ways. Your partner has probably been questioning and running scenarios in their head for years, but you may just now be thrown into it. Thereis also a valid question if you are/will be femme attracted (made easier if you already identify as bi or pan).

But ultimately, if your partner feels comfortable and supported, you'll quickly realize there is nothing to mourn. Your partner is not gone. In fact, they are more than they used to be. My wife likens my past "Tom boy phase" to me still being me, but on mute or low volume. All the things she loved about me shined through more and more as I embraced myself and my transition.

Patience, baby steps, support each other.

[Dena]

Being transgender can be more complex that just wanting to change your gender. A fair portion of the population identifies as non binary. This means somebody may not feel gender, feel both genders at the same time, gender may shift and several other combinations. This was new to me when I first joined the site and I have looked for as much as I could find on the subject. I learned much but for a simple explanation you might want to look at our WIKI .

[yellow submarine]

I 100% disagree that there is nothing to mourn when someone transitions, and I think that it's insensitive to say so. I don't understand why people say that a trans person is the same when they transition. Yes they may have the same or similar personality and quirks, but everything else about them changes. Big changes affect me a lot.

It's great that you and your partner are getting through it so happily and easily, but not everyone else is that lucky. I'm sorry but this is a sore spot for me.

FYI, he has only been questioning for a year, before that there was no indication. So we are both new to this. I am very straight, and the thought of being with a woman makes me feel uncomfortable.

[Daisy Jane]

I didn't start questioning my identity until I was 30. It was another 4 years before I started taking hormones. There was a lot of back and forth during that time. So many bouts of denial. The thing that helped me most was having a gender therapist to help me sort through my feeling.