Myths in our community that need to die a quick death

[Nero]

I Think we need to Get rid of the myths on what makes something a good or a bad place to be trans, specially when we Think of something as gay Rights.

a gay friendly country is not nessesarry the same as a transfriendly country and we have to notice hos we jugde these standards.

Giving you an exemple. Lets say a country who Got really good gay Rights, and gay marrige, and have hate crime Laws With options of treatment for trans People. Sound like a good country to be trans?

But then lets go into details saying gay People are only acceptere because trans arnt, they do have marrige but Nobody asked for it and maybe it not something special in there culture. the hate crime law they Got is very limited and only work for very few caises, and the threatment transgender Can Get are horrible. then its not a good place to be trans.

People who live there are also told they Can "just" move, which is certaibly not always the caise and never easy.

In general we just nede to realise that the stander and Way we experience trans is not the same anywhere, and we Cant jugde a society simply because there are Many fact which need to be considered.

Good point. And vice versa. Some countries are okay with people transitioning as opposed to homosexuality.

[suzifrommd]

That trans women are docile and harmless and make easy marks.

Dean Schmitz might still be alive if he'd understood.

[Jill F]

That trans women are docile and harmless and make easy marks.

The guy I punched in the face at The House of Blues last year obviously didn't get that memo.

[Joanna Dark]

That a guy has to be gay or Bi to be attracted to or date me (or ANY trans woman and vice versa and everything else lol) *This is highly insulting and basically says that I'm a man. I mean it took a long time to get to where I got with my BF who told me yesterday he wants it just to be me and him forever, which is so amazing I still feel dizzy.*

[deanh]

That a guy has to be gay or Bi to be attracted to or date me (or ANY trans woman and vice versa and everything else lol) *This is highly insulting and basically says that I'm a man. I mean it took a long time to get to where I got with my BF who told me yesterday he wants it just to be me and him forever, which is so amazing I still feel dizzy.*

I agree that this is a huge myth. As female I had a lot of lesbians who had never been with anyone male bodied, and had no interest in doing so, show a lot of interest in me despite my extra "appendage." I also had straight men hit on me and one time I told one I had a penis just to get rid of him but he said he didn't care. =/

[Klaus]

I Think we need to Get rid of the myths on what makes something a good or a bad place to be trans, specially when we Think of something as gay Rights.

This is so true, even on a state-by-state basis here in the US. I'd extend it to businesses and social groups as well. Some of the gay-friendliest places are some of the most transphobic, sadly.

I'm sure I'm echoing a couple, but these are the ones I've seen most often within the community and they need to go, like yesterday.

"Trans guys can't be gay, you're just a girl who thinks gay guys are hot."
"As soon as you start passing as a guy, it's all male privilege and no more gender discrimination."
"Trans guys are just in it for the male privilege, they're not as transgender as trans women."
"If you're not a macho guy, you're not really transgender."
"If you're not a SUPER macho guy, you're probably 'just' genderqueer."
"If you don't pack, you're not really transgender."
"Being submissive makes you less transgender."
"You're not really transgender until you start T."
"Transgender people shouldn't be religious."
"Oh, your family will come around eventually, it just takes time." No, not all of us are so lucky.
"You're not allowed to have a preference, transgender people should be happy with anyone who's into them."
"If you don't pass 100%, you don't deserve to insist on your proper pronouns."
"If you decide to live stealth, you're betraying the community."

And the list goes on.

[LordKAT]

Much of this sound more like pet peeves than myths.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Much of this sounds more like pet peeves than myths.

I've never had a Peeve for a pet. Are they a gentle creature?

[Ayden]

Yep. I confess. You caught me. Nothing gets me hot like walking into a stall and seeing bloody tampons or piss on the seat from a "hoverer".

I about died when I saw this. As weird as the men's room is, I don't miss the ladies for a moment.

My biggest one right now is about partners. That our partners are gay/straight/perverts/->-bleeped-<-s because they date us.

The other one is that we are all abused. A lot of children are abused. I was not. I had a happy childhood. People can't seem to grasp that.

[LordKAT]

I've never had a Peeve for a pet. Are they a gentle creature?

Rarely.


I think one myth that is bothersome is that we are all insane and need intervention. The therapy rule doesn't help this image.

[Nero]

These might be more peevish than myth but:

• the idea that all trans men are heavily invested in 'traditional masculinity'. (I think the opposite is often true; by the time we transition, we've often thought long and hard about our personal views of manhood and who we need to be)
• the idea that we're all concerned about having a dick. some are, some aren't.

[Jason C]

- That you have to need/want HRT or surgery to be trans.
- You have to be feminine and girly to be MTF, or masculine to be FTM.
- Realised you were trans at a very young age.
- All trans people have depression or are suicidal. I know this is true for a lot of people, but it's not everyone.
- Dysphoria is simply hating your body.

[LittleEmily24]

~ the idea that being MTF means getting your boobs, ass, and face done, and that SRS is the one and only point of transition.
~ the idea that Transwomen are all hookers or sex toys, or that we transition as a fetish. ( not as popular a myth anymore, but still one that i've run into )
~ The implication that transpeople aren't "real" men or women (I hate this one particularly, especially when a friend or acquaintance tells me "oh no, i'm only into real girls")
~ The idea that (and the treatment of) being a transgirl just makes me a "guy in girl clothes" (Some guy that new me back in the old days literally tried to "rough house" me like i was another guy.. almost ruined my hair and makeup that i spent 2 hours getting ready... I was about to decimate him)

and my personal favorite (sarcasm)

Something I have heard over and over and over and is getting on my nerves to no end is this:

"but, if you're a girl now, shouldn't you like guys?"

UGH. Really? Because Lesbians are just creatures of Medieval Lore apparently -_-

[Miss_Bungle1991]

The idea that (and the treatment of) being a transgirl just makes me a "guy in girl clothes" (Some guy that new me back in the old days literally tried to "rough house" me like i was another guy.. almost ruined my hair and makeup that i spent 2 hours getting ready... I was about to decimate him)

and my personal favorite (sarcasm)

Something I have heard over and over and over and is getting on my nerves to no end is this:

"but, if you're a girl now, shouldn't you like guys?"

I had problems like this from one friend of my dad. He walked up to me one time and slapped me on the chest. Needless to say, it hurt like hell. I looked at him (after taking a few minutes to deal with the pain) and said: "If you ever slap me like that again, I am going to slug you." He never did that again.

He also thought that "since you're a girl now, I thought that you liked guys."

I looked at him, rolled my eyes and called him an idiot.

I don't believe in pulling any punches with people.

[Felix]

This is the most intense thread ever. I just read back over all of it, and oh my gosh.

I have a problem with a myth that is more from outsiders than anyone in the community - that there is a "the surgery" when it comes to transition from any direction. It's more complicated than that, and it's a gradual process, not a thing where we go to sleep as a woman (or man) and wake up as a man (or woman). So many people, even polite, educated, kind people seem to hold this belief.

From within the community, I am frequently assumed to be cis and straight because I have a child. This gives me no end of hell. It would be easier to deal with the fact that my minority status is invisible in the wider world if it weren't also written off in lgbt spaces. I'm often not seen as a "real" whatever (man, gay, trans, queer) because I don't live up to assumptions. I've been bullied and made fun of for breeding. I used to accept this as minor and inevitable, but I shouldn't have to take an entrance exam everywhere I go. The myth that only heterosexual cispeople have children is damaging to parents and kids and makes it harder for outsiders to understand that we are not aliens.

[ErinS]

I really think the "second puberty" thing gets taken too far, and almost literally by some people.

I read something the other day that insisted that any MTF that doesn't go through that mental "OMG *giggles*" teenager phase with crazy sexy clothes, tons of makeup and jewelry, and the concocomitant behavior isn't really trans, because apparently a hormonal change in a brain with matured judgement and reason centers is exactly no different from the same thing in an immature, still developing teenager brain.  I know there's girls that have had that reaction and I'm not bashing them, but I also don't think it's fair to apply it to everyone.

I'm also tired of the rigid cookie cutter stereotypes from some people. I've seen checklists containing minute and very specific behaviors( often stereotypical and misogynistic about women in general) and people insisting that if you don't exhibit every one of those traits and act like a super girly airhead you're not trans.

[David27]

I really think the "second puberty" thing gets taken too far, and almost literally by some people.

I read something the other day that insisted that any MTF that doesn't go through that mental "OMG *giggles*" teenager phase with crazy sexy clothes, tons of makeup and jewelry, and the concocomitant behavior isn't really trans, because apparently a hormonal change in a brain with matured judgement and reason centers is exactly no different from the same thing in an immature, still developing teenager brain.  I know there's girls that have had that reaction and I'm not bashing them, but I also don't think it's fair to apply it to everyone.

I'm also tired of the rigid cookie cutter stereotypes from some people. I've seen checklists containing minute and very specific behaviors( often stereotypical and misogynistic about women in general) and people insisting that if you don't exhibit every one of those traits and act like a super girly airhead you're not trans.

The idea that transmen/women have to fulfill gender stereotypes 100% irritates me. It is ridiculous because there are cis people who have similar interests, traits, and mannerisms as trans people. These cis people aren't told your not a man/woman enough.

As for the second puberty it happens because people have to re-adjust. However, I do think people take it too far on both sides in some cases. Hell there are sometimes looking back where I was a hormonal mess and acted in a poor manner in both puberties (T changed my temper for better or worse). Obviously moments like these may happen, but if one is transitioning after the puberty age range one needs to take responsibility for their actions.

[ErinS]

The idea that transmen/women have to fulfill gender stereotypes 100% irritates me. It is ridiculous because there are cis people who have similar interests, traits, and mannerisms as trans people. These cis people aren't told your not a man/woman enough.

As for the second puberty it happens because people have to re-adjust. However, I do think people take it too far on both sides in some cases. Hell there are sometimes looking back where I was a hormonal mess and acted in a poor manner in both puberties (T changed my temper for better or worse). Obviously moments like these may happen, but if one is transitioning after the puberty age range one needs to take responsibility for their actions.

I've seen ciswomen grab a rifle, stack on a door with SWAT, and carry their weight and then some, and a serious response of "GoBack2kitchen"(beyond the normal joking that takes place in such settings) would receive a solid backlash. However a MTF that wants to do the same gets "ERMAGERD! You're not really a woman!" And people nod, forgetting that women do in fact do that every day. 

You're right about the period of readjustment. However the people that state "if you don't behave like a teenage girl in every single way, you're not trans." Make me shake my head.

[Edge]

Not all teenage girls act like stereotypical teenage girls in every single way.

[Cassandra Hyacinth]

Oh, there are so, so many:

* The idea that most (or even all) trans women are motivated by fetishism of some kind, either being obsessed with getting guys to have sex with us or fetishising the idea of having a female body for sexual gratification.
* The belief that you're only really trans if you perform femininity (for trans women) or masculinity (for trans men).
* The belief that if you do perform femininity as a trans woman, you're making a mockery of all women.
* The 'trans woman as sexual predator' trope - this one is especially horrible because a trans woman is far more likely to be a victim of predatory behaviour than to engage in it herself.
* The idea that trans people 'shoehorned' their way into the LGBT community. This is entirely false - trans people have always been at the forefront of radical action against compulsory heterosexuality, but were forcibly excluded by (cis) gay men who wanted to avoid making themselves 'look bad'. Only in the past couple of decades have steps been taken to rectify that.
* Similarly, the idea that trans people only started existing in the last 70-80 years.