Hi, I'm Gasket. I've come here because I want help. I'm really new to this, so I don't even really have the right words to tell my story, but luckily for you, dear reader, it's pretty short.
I am male, but I have always had a pretty subdued sense of gender. I don't necessarily dislike being male, but I often feel excluded from female things, and often I am disgusted by social ideals of masculinity. For a long time these things didn't feel like problems because I was kinda emotionally stunted, but recently I have undergone something of an emotional awakening, and with that my feelings have gone from internal novelties to somewhat painful dysphorias.
I do not want to transition to female, but I also don't want to keep experiencing these discomforts. I want my body to have the gender that I feel: not much of anything. So I'm looking for help with some sort of male-to-neutral transition.
But here's where things get kinda strange: although my body does cause me some discomfort, I can live with it. It's my mind that makes me ache for change. I want to move away from the male mind, and I've heard that HRT (what does that even stand for?) can do that: less libido; more feelings; more focus.
But the more I read the more it sounds like I am looking for something which is impossible: hormones don't play tug-o'-war with your body, they change it permanently. Is there any solution out there? Is there some drug or combo of drugs I can take, maybe in a very low dosage, which will minimize permanent bodily change (some is okay) while allowing me to have a more feminine mind?
I know that this introductory board is not the place to ask questions, and I will take my problems somewhere more topical, but I just wanna get it out there. I am nervous to be here but also excited to learn and meet new people.
-Gasket
