as if living with constant misgendering isn't uncomfortable enough, lately i feel even worse about it as i realize people don't even see me as an adult, regardless of my gender. i grit my teeth and accept "ma'am", but within the past couple of days i've received "miss" and even "young lady", and the way people talk to me is like talking to a child. it's honestly disrespectful to call someone who isn't obviously a child "young lady" like that, and even if i look young i don't see how i could be mistaken for an outright child. so i'm at least willing to write that one off as that particular woman having a bad attitude--which i won't get into detail but she kind of did. still, a lot more "miss"es than i care to deal with lately, as well. i don't appreciate being taken for a child in any context, but being treated like a little girl is just the most humiliating thing of all. the only way to be safe from that, i guess, is to staunchly avoid old ladies. too bad it's not actually possible to do... even family members who know how old i am treat me like a child. i can't take it much more.
i've just been feeling really down about the constant misgendering lately and there's nothing i can even do about it. this past week has been especially bad since i've had to go out a lot and my work schedule has changed so that i'm working around more people during the day. i work maintenance, which until recently was something i did alone. the other day, one of the other maintenance guys asked if i'd cleaned the bathrooms already; i told him "all but the men's because it was packed so i couldn't get in there yet", to which he replied that he'd get the men's... with the addition of "i can go in there, because i'm a man!" cue the sad little fake laugh that secretly wants to be tears. then my grandmother's friend was kind enough to take me to a doctor appointment (it was in a place i've never been and i didn't have time to learn the area, so getting a ride was easier because she was already headed that way to go assist my great grandparents--and it gave me a chance to visit them, as well). i love her, but she always feels the need to call me "girl", etc, and comment on how "pretty" i look. i had my hair down, so of course cue the statements about the beautiful hair, and when i shake my head at that, she insists as though she's trying to reassure me that i'm pretty. if i didn't know she knew about my gender, maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad. then between the doctor's office and the shop we stopped at on the way back, a bunch of "miss" and one very rude "young lady", with her calling me "girl" all the way. great grandparents, of course, do the same, right down to a repeat of the "i know you frown, but it's true, you're so pretty" incident. needless to say, by the time i got home, i was absolutely exhausted--and the day was barely half over.
and now that i'm working a (mostly) daytime shift, there are that many more opportunities to hear "she" and "ma'am" and "miss" and "your name's kenny? wow, your parents must have wanted a boy!" on a regular basis.
it's just really, really bumming me out lately. if i hadn't recently started T (i'm about a week on with a low dose, so of course no noticeable effects yet, but at least i'm finally able to start doing something about transition after years of waiting), i'm afraid to even imagine how much worse i'd feel.
how do you cope with not only being seen as a female, but being seen as a girl? not even an adult woman worthy of equal treatment, but a little girl to be talked down to and all the humiliating things that come with it?
